


Another Shot (or Two)

by Trash_Town_Mayor



Series: Reincarnation Collection [1]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Big angst, Gay John Laurens, Henry Laurens' A+ Parenting, Historical References, I planned this entire thing out already, I think there's only like two straight characters in this..., I'm So Horrible, Lams - Freeform, Multi, Musical Appearances, No like... you don't get it, Reincarnation, Sad with a Happy Ending, Slow Burn, Thomas Jefferson is a jerk, We are all suffering, Why can't the hamilton fandom have nice things?, You're Welcome, im sorry, it's frustrating, lafayette is a beautiful baby, lord what i'd give to just get this written for me, much sad, so many things, so we all get to imagine deveed diggs in this, they are so oblivious to love, they look like broadway cast, this is a mess, too little time, very wow
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-09
Updated: 2020-11-23
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:55:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 51,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26384494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trash_Town_Mayor/pseuds/Trash_Town_Mayor
Summary: Reincarnation is often looked at as a concept... one that cannot be proven correct, but is believed by many people for the sake of security. The idea of having something next that they can look forward to. Knowing that this won’t be it for them, that they will have a second chance to get everything perfect.For many, this is just a thought sitting in the back of their mind for the pure reason of comfort. Though, over the past few years this has become a reality for many.And some aren’t so lucky.
Relationships: Alexander Hamilton/John Laurens, Elizabeth "Eliza" Scuyler/Alexander Hamilton (past), George Washington/Martha Washington
Series: Reincarnation Collection [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2031064
Comments: 45
Kudos: 112





	1. Somethin's wrong with Jack

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Much Abides](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25660471) by [KivrinEngle](https://archiveofourown.org/users/KivrinEngle/pseuds/KivrinEngle). 

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I’ve got a playlist that connects to this fic! 
> 
> I’d love if along the story you’d leave song suggestions to add to it! 
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLa3gXEqOOcCdW2qcyNOg3v0gJMT4pqOU1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!  
> As some of you may have seen, I have deleted I'll Be There. No worries! I have saved the story to a google doc, and will repost it once I get the story to where I want it to be. I have found it difficult to write for that idea and want to take time to get it how I want it since my mind is so picky.
> 
> This story is coming to me much easier, though, so I will be working and updating this often. I've literally got the entire thing planned chapter by chapter.
> 
> I give all credit to KivrinEngle, please check out their story. It is amazing and has such great twists and turns. It fully pushed me to write all of this.
> 
> I hope you enjoy this story, and am excited as I am to see where it'll end up.  
> Have an amazing day/night.
> 
> -A very content Author

Over the span of one year more than fifty people located throughout the entire United States had been reported to claim they were someone else. From the past. As time went on, these numbers only grew. Soon enough being a “ Second timer ” became more common than anyone would have expected. Of course there were fakers, the people who claimed to be famous in a past life for the sake of fame and fortune. The amount of people who claimed to be Elvis or Micheal Jackson and any other filthy rich man you could think of became ridiculous. All these fakers caused the world to grow weary of who they really believed. So second timers became a controversial topic. 

Harry Laurence definitely didn’t believe in the idea of reincarnation. His son, Jack, had been exposed to the man’s opinions on all of it from a very young age. A constant sloo of dirty words thrown in the face of people who had hope for this whole reincarnation concept. The boy's entire childhood had consisted of hearing his father talk out against this common topic. He had many different opinions on all of this, and to be honest none of them exactly made sense. Especially considering that the Laurence family had never actually met a second timer... or at least what they knew of.

See, Jack was older now. He is a well built teen with a put together social standing. He goes to school, has plenty of friends, could even be considered popular. So he has the right to have his own opinions now. Right? 

Though sometimes it’s like he forgets that. 

This morning is particular, it’s easy to forget it. It’s a gloomy October morning. Clouds rolling in from the distance as a clear sign of rain. Maybe even a thunderstorm. It’s very clear from Jack’s window as he dug through his blankets mindlessly to try and locate his phone as it blared an alarm to wake him up. He groaned and whined before he found it and shut it off. Having to lay in his bed just for a few more minutes before he begrudgingly gets up and gets ready for school. 

When he looked in the mirror something was different. It’s not like in the movies where he’s suddenly someone else, but his eyes just didn’t look like his own in the moment. Something lingered behind the shade of green. Jack was too tired to figure out what. He’d much rather get on with his day so he can just go back to bed. He ran a hand through his unruly hair and pulled on a t-shirt before he dashed out the bathroom, snatched up his bag, and quickly left the house to begin his walk to school. 

You see, Jack wasn’t very fond of sticking around his house in the morning. It’s the awkward period of time when only his father is awake, sitting at the dinner table with a coffee mug in hand. That’s when he always bickered with him. Mornings just seem to be the perfect time to open up about things. It’s not like it’s ever Jack’s fault the arguments start. His father brings up some news report on any recent second timer report or some protest at a hospital about the sedation of a second timer during a flashback (as the media likes to call it), and Jack just shows his opinion. His father is never fond of how his son thinks. 

A hand slapping itself on Jack’s shoulder abruptly pulled him out of his train of thought, and also it caused him to almost fall over on the pavement out of pure fear. 

“Jesus Christ!” Jack heaved, a hand going up to his chest as if it’d steady the racing of his heart.

Miles, his “friend” stood next to him with a devilish grin pulled onto his thin lips. He laughed, “I got you didn’t I? First time I’ve really scared you huh, Jackie?” Even his voice puts Jack on edge. The squeakiness of it sounds so wrong for someone his age. They’re going into Junior year after all (11th grade for all my non-Americans), puberty was something that most of them seemed to be well past. 

“Yeah, yeah.” The boy pushed a laugh out in an attempt to shut Miles up about this. Though he knew that the stupid teen will go around telling everyone how he ‘scared the crap outta Jack’ this morning. “What’s going on with you today? You’re in a sure chipper mood for so early in the morning.” Jack pointed out as he pulled his phone out and checked the time. 6:50, sheesh, he had to hurry up if he wanted to have time to pester his English teacher about his grade before classes started. 

For a split second Miles looked at him as if he’s insane, and for a moment Jack really thinks that he is. “You didn’t hear?” 

“Hear what?” Jack’s heart began to race. So many situations flying into his head. Scenarios of his classmates dying or getting into fights, and in some random universe that Jack created in his head at the moment, spreading rumors about him. He never thought like that... why was it coming into head now? 

Miles laughed, and it lifted the weight that had suddenly set itself on Jack’s shoulders, “Chase's parents are out for the weekend. He’s hosting a party. And you know-“ 

“Chase’s parties are always crazy.” Jack interrupted, nodding. He had heard that one too many times from Miles. He’s never been to one of the parties though. His father would kill him. Too many teens, too much alcohol, and the risk of drugs. God, Jack would be beheaded right there and then if he even brought up the idea of a party. He’s never been one for social events anyways. “I’m not going to go.” He shook his head, pulling his lips into a tight line. Decision made already. He began to trudge on again, not expecting Miles to follow him. 

”Oh c’mon, Jack! You never go! Why do you have to be such a party pooper!” Miles whined, quickly moving to walk in front of Jack, risking the movement of walking backwards and running into something just to see Jack’s face. “There will be hot chicks there, and all the booze in the world! How can a kid like you pass that up? Don’t even need to be home late. Just come for an hour? Please?” The sound Miles begging sounded even more excruciating than his normal voice. It made Jack cringe. 

Maybe it was that that made him say yes. He knew it definitely wasn’t the aspect of alcohol... or “chicks” at that matter. There was something in his chest that was pleading him to say no. Of course Jack didn't listen. He never listened to that voice in his head. It was always too logical and serious, he figured it was time to be more lax. And what else could do that better than going to a party?

**...**

The party hadn't been what he expected. He was walking up to an old looking house, one that seemed like it'd hold some old woman. It was a light blue with white windows that give the vibe of a horror movie. Part of Jack expected a ghost to appear in one of them just to scare the crap outta them. Miles wasn't helping. There was a constant stream of words that were slipping past his lips. A non stop blabbering that was beginning to get on Jack's nerves, had he not wanted to get in more trouble than he would already for not coming straight home tonight he'd tell the other boy to shut up and sock him in the face. He sighed, stuffing his hands in his pockets to combat the chilly weather, "Miles, are you sure this is the best idea? This doesn't exactly look like party material..."

Miles practically wheezed. He tilted his whole abdomen with the action, "That's because you've never been to an actual party, Jackie boy!" One of his grimy hands goes up to hit Jack on the shoulder in a friendly manner.

"Don't call me that." Was all Jack spat, green eyes squinting in the other boy's direction. "I just mean this doesn't look like a cool place I was expecting..."

"More? Trust me, once you get inside you'll realize how awesome these parties are!"

Jack won't admit it, but Miles was right about that. The inside of the house was so much different. The feeling in the living room when you first walked in could only be described like a fire. It was light, hot, and almost unbearable. The moment Jack saw the crowd of teens and the blasting music he felt sick to his stomach. The little voice in his head insisting that this was all too much already. That it'd be better for his own sake to turn home, do homework, and go to bed. For a second Jack debated turning back. There was a cloud looming in his head, rolling in fast like the ones he had seen this morning. Something was coming, but he didn't know what or why. It was nerve wracking. His eyes scanned the room as if he was looking for someone in particular. And before he knew it Miles wasn't by his side anymore.

Well... might as well enjoy a good party then, right?

Jack spent the next half hour awkwardly standing in the corner, leaning against a wall as he watched people dance like hooligans throughout the room.

My lord, when did dancing become so much less elegant?

That one thought confused him. When did he become one to be so caught on how dancing looked? He shook his head and moved on. A particular person caught his eye from across the room.

The boy had extra curly hair pulled into a ponytail that sat right in the back of his head. He was bouncing around a group of people, looking like a puppy who was lacking attention. Jack couldn't help but laugh under his breath. That's when Miles came up again and scared the living daylights out of Jack once again that day, "You looking at Lewis?" He mused, almost snorting. "Don't even bother with that kid. He's weird. Creeps everyone out. Here. I've got something actually fun to do." Without another word he had Jack's forearm and was dragging him off to the door to the basement.

"If it's anything that includes drugs or anything I'm out!" Jack warned, his gaze still watching Lewis as he slowly went out of view. Something about him seemed familiar. The energy. It drew him in. But of course Miles would never let Jack close to him for his 'social status' sake'.

"Ohohoh this is so much better! You'll fit right in with this group of guys." There was no other explanation with his words. At this point the voice in Jack's head was screaming with logic. It took everything he had not to aggressively pull his arm away. The view he was dragged down the stairs to see confused him. There were three teen boys gathered around a laptop that sat on the floor. Had Jack not been struck with social anxiety he would have asked what's going on. "Here he is. Laurence's son. He'll be the life of the party here!" Miles called to the boys from across the basement. Well... it was more of a den. Other room connected to it, and only two ground level windows on the walls.

Jack still had absolutely no idea what was going on.

"I bet so! Hurry up. I wanna see what this dumb video is all about!" One of the boys screeched. A video? Jack followed Miles over to the group, his eyes widening when he read the name of the Youtube video ready to play on the screen.

'How to find your past life'

"Isn't this a ton of utter trash?" The same teen laughed, looking back at Jack, "Can't believe this exists. We just found it on a blog. Wanna leave some bad comments on it."

They want him to talk badly about second timers like his father. Jack's stomach dropped.

But suddenly the voice in his head was gone. No more pleading. Though there was a rush of hot, itching fear that was running through his veins. It was the flight response of fight or flight. He didn't want to be here for one reason or another. There was something that he knew wasn't going to go right, even if he wasn't sure what it was. There was something in his head that just was uneasy. The clouds in his head rolled in quicker and quicker. They were getting so close. But Miles couldn't tell he was trying to pull away. Before he even knew it the video was beginning to play.

Noises were the only thing that registered in his mind after the video began playing. It wasn't even the woman's voice from the video nor was it the teen boys laughing and joking about the "stupid" video. It was the background noises coming from the laptop. Gunshots and cannons.

Suddenly Jack was wide eyed, tears budding in his eyes, chest beginning to heave. There was an unbelievable pain in his chest. His heart began to race at ungodly speeds. Quickly and harshly he tugged his arm out of Miles' grip, a red spot evident on his arm where the boy had a strong hold. He couldn't breathe. Starting to feel so lightheaded as he gasped out, "Where's the bathroom?"

He didn't even hear the response before he ran off, locking the door behind him. Jack collapsed onto the floor, all his weight going to his back and pressing against the door. The beating of his heart in his chest was becoming too much as he absently stared at the ground of the bathroom, gaze wide and empty. Why was this happening? Feeling as if he was going to be sick he fished his phone out of his backpack. For a moment the device felt so unfamiliar in his head, and he had to wonder if another party goer had grabbed his phone and swapped it with theirs, even if that was practically impossible. There weren't any thoughts going through his head except for panic and fear as he dialed his mother's number.

The moment he heard a small greeting on the other side he began to beg her to pick him up. At the moment he didn't even care if he would get in trouble for being at a party. He just wanted to go home.

**...**

Nobody questioned Jack when he finally stepped out of the bathroom. Not even as he staggered upstairs and straight out of the door. There were no questions of his disheveled state, not a single word on how blank his eyes were, and how distressed his expression was. Even if the way his nose was scrunched and how he was bathing in a wave of sweat made him look on the verge of passing out. Jack had barely made it to his mother's car outside without doing so... just blacking out in the grass. It was horrible, but it sounded desirable. Jack didn’t get any sort of concern until he heavily sat down in the passenger seat of the car. Even then, it was only a glance over. 

He knew what he was getting himself into. 

“Why were you out at a party instead of actually being after to study?” She asked sternly, looking straight ahead, out of the windshield rather than gauging her son’s reaction. To be honest, she never really did do that. Jack was silent. Picking at his fingers as he tried to calm the raging headache that was building along with the quick pace of his heart. The situation was going to kill him if he didn’t focus on keeping his senses chill. “Young man, you better answer me!” Her voice was so sharp, and for a second it sounded like someone else in Jack’s head. It was a man. Deep and straightforward. He was saying the same words as her though. “Jack?! Am I about to have to bring you to the emergency room?”

”No!” Jack quickly responded, head painfully jerking to look at the side of his mother’s face. “No, mom. I just feel a little sick is all...” 

“Sick?” She repeated like a parrot of some sorts, this time sounding a little dumbfounded. “Did you drink?” 

Jack’s brows furrowed with something more than confusion. It’s mixed with deep pain. One that lingers in his chest just long enough to make him want to cry even more in this situation. His mother doesn’t trust him. “What? No! I’d never do that! Felt under the weather since I got up.” 

And suddenly Jasmine Laurence was the mom that Jack had known when he was little. Six, maybe, at the least. Her hazel eyes were soft and concerned. He wouldn’t usually describe them as this but they were caring. It was comforting. Her voice was soft too, “Jack, you should have told me. I could have called you in.” 

“Didn’t want to wake you up.” 

She shook her head, but her eyes stayed on the road ahead. It can’t be too much longer before they're back home. “I wouldn’t care. I know your father makes it seem different sometimes, but if you really feel sick you can stay home. You’re so ahead in your classes already it’d be fine.” 

Yeah, that was a lie. Ever since the beginning of the sixth grade Jack had become a compulsive liar. Lying to teachers, friends, family, and anyone else who tried to get to know the real him. It’s because he knew that no one else would be comfortable with the real him if even he wasn’t. To be honest, none of him ever really felt real. Even the parts he was sure of about himself. Something was lingering under his consciousness, and even Jack himself couldn’t put a finger on it. 

So he stayed quiet for the rest of the car ride. Sure it made it awkward, but the boy didn’t have anything to say. His brain was going a million miles an hour yet nothing came to him that was relevant in the moment. He kept to picking at his fingers until the car came to a stop and he could tumble out of the passenger door, and trip into the house as he was already pulling off his old and tattered shoes. Not a single second was wasted as he ran up the stairs so he could hide in his room for the night. Planning full well to sleep off this horrible wave of discomfort. For once in a lifetime ignoring Harry’s call as his son booked it upstairs after “worrying” him and his mother. 

The moment he got into his room he locked the door and flopped onto the bed face first, hitting the pillow in such a way that made him wince. Wasn’t a good idea to fall like that with this head splitting pain… 

It felt weird to lay here in a comfortable bed for a moment. Jack didn’t understand why. His chin presses into his pillow when he shifts to get his eyes up to scan his room. It wasn’t his. He swore it wasn’t. The few posters on the wall became unfamiliar within seconds of his hazel eyes lying upon them, and he knew that there was far too much furniture to be his home back in South Carolina. 

Wait. 

John rolled over, groaning and talking to himself under his breath, “You idiot… you are in South Carolina…” He stared at the ceiling for a few- excruciating -minutes. And for a bit Jack thought he was going to give in and cry. His own consciousness was working against itself. Thinking about things that seemed like they’d be in some movie, a tent, white men in blue jackets, guns. Blood. It made his chest feel tight and run wild with some sense of regret and empathy. He felt sick with the emotions that rushed through him with little remorse, taking all his energy and using it to feel sad over something that he didn’t understand. Jack was frustrated to say the least. 

These symptoms all sounded too familiar in his head, though. Something in the back of his overworked brain was telling him that he knew what was going on, so Jack did what any other teenage boy would have done living in this day and age, and rummaged through his things to open a google search. 

_ Search:  _ Random memories of fake things 

_ Results _ :

Schizophrenia Help Center

Effects Of Lack Of Sleep Studies Show Tha…

Second Timer Early Signs

The third result caught his attention. It lined up too well. But he didn't want to click on the link. What would his father say if Jack believed he was one of these cases. Harry would probably have his son sent to a mental institute if Jack suddenly was claiming he wasn’t who he actually is. Jack would be lectured to the point of being sick- it had happened before -immediately, and then lectured even more when he recovered. 

It wasn’t like Harry didn’t regulate anything Jack googled already. The man took the time to take peeks at his son’s search history with the fear of finding the words ‘naked girl’ or something about a contender to his place as Senator. Maybe it wouldn’t hurt to do research… 

The Article states…

_ There are very few studies that can successfully create the outline of the life of a second timer. There are so many different symptoms and many many ways to cope with them. The few consistent things that Dr. Frank has discovered have helped to identify many different cases of this reincarnation.  _

The facts are as follow: 

_ The younger a past identity died, the longer it takes for their second part to recognize their past life. Example being a man who died in his late eighties would most likely remember his past life near his puberty years (11-13), whereas a person who died in their past life during a younger period like twenties to thirties will often remember their life many years later. The reason for this is unknown though people theorize that it’s simply for the sake of the soul’s sanity within all of this.  _

This was a ton of lies. Soul’s sanity ? Jack laughed under his breath, but it’s uneasy. He wasn’t sure if this disbelief was his own or what Harry had pushed him to think. Jack almost couldn’t think for himself. 

_ Along with the time it takes to recall their past life a person will experience these memories in a more overwhelming way. Many who get the signals of being a second timer must take the time to cope with it, and Doctors think that with the time the brain has already had to close off to such unique concepts it becomes more difficult to understand the idea of being a Second Timer.  _

_ These symptoms may strike a chord in your chest, and if they do please understand that there is no definite way a person will experience the recollection of their second life. If there is any sort of relation to you in these studies please find professional help… _

Jack skimmed over the rest, laughing again when he saw there was a crisis line for these people. Why? He wondered. What did they have so bad that they needed emergency help? “Oh woah is me, I can’t deal with the fakeness of my own condition.” Jack cracked in a light voice, dropping his phone onto his nightstand. Without even realizing it he had begun crying. Fat tears budded in his eyes, and rolled in thick lines down his cheeks to soak his pillow. Somehow he felt more sick now. He played it off to himself as the thought of Harry discovering this stupid article he read.

Jack went to bed. 

And so did the raging thoughts in his memories. They followed him into sleep. That’s where they belonged. Simply dreams. 


	2. Behind closed doors

Jack startled from his alarm again. It was like a carbon copy of the previous morning, the off feeling included, though this time it lingers even worse. Like a blanket it layed heavy on his chest and shoulders. Bringing along with it a sickening queasiness that made Jack sure he’s just going to keel over right there and then. There’s no way he could play this all off to his parents as he did the day before… 

It’s not only pain that gushed through his figure. There was an empty sadness that had nestled itself in his heart. He was upset over something he couldn't even recall happening let alone understand what it is. Like his dreams the idea of why he might feel this way had left with the sleepiness in his limbs as he sits up in bed and stretches his tired limbs. Jack basked in the chilly air as his bicep brushed his unruly curls that lay in a mop on his head. Lord, he needed to get a haircut soon. For a second the idea of growing his hair out passed by, and it felt oh so intriguing. It dragged him in with a sense of comfort, coaxed him into thinking about how it might look good on him. He had never had his hair longer than a bowl cut (we don’t talk about that time of his childhood). Jack shook his head to get the thought past. He doesn’t need all that chaos happening in his head again.

He got ready for the day as if he’s a robot. The teen is on some kind of autopilot as he packed his backpack, got dressed, and sat at the table for breakfast with his father already settled there. 

“You look pale.” Harry stated, not even glancing up from his phone. Jack assumed he’s busy telling off some internet troll about how gays deserve to burn. It happens too often. 

Jack shrugged, speaking through a mouthful of toast, “Just cold.” 

There was no reaction from his father, not even the furrow of a brow. They simply ate breakfast with one another in silence then both got on their way. 

**...**

Jack took the bus that morning. 

That was out of the ordinary. 

What was even weirder was how he didn’t bother to tell Miles to bug off when he sat next to him on the loud and crowded vehicle. Jack didn’t say a word to the other boy even when they arrived at school and were sent on their merry way to go to class. 

The boy walked to his first period like a good kid. Jack didn’t falter when the usual group of girls called him slurs as he passed by, his eyes stayed ahead. They were glossed over. On any other day they were bright with a little bit of hope for the day. Today they were blank. He was still on autopilot, and it was starting to seem like he couldn’t control what mode he was on anyways. 

This was going to be a long day. 

Jack settled in his desk in his first period, Biology. This class was taught by an older woman who Jack had learned to hold very dear. She was sympathetic and always let him stay after in her classroom for no reason at all, though Jack would never tell her that it was just because he didn’t want to go home and face his father. His seat was close to the teacher’s desk. This was the only class he was glad to be named the teacher’s pet. He was ahead in the class and it meant he was always allowed to sleep and on certain occasions skip with a ‘pass to the restroom’. It was a luxury. 

But it wasn’t like he was planning on this becoming one of those days. This was a special day. They were watching a movie about some weird doctor discovery on the human body compared to historical claims, and even if he’d never admit it, Jack was really interested in it. Plus he needed to take notes for the open note quiz. This was the one class he actively tried to pass. 

But his body worked against him this morning. After the bell rang and the movie started playing Jack began to really feel dizzy. Projected onto the whiteboard was the scene of a battlefield. Men in blue and tan jackets were shooting guns at men in red ones. Jack knew from his vague history knowledge that this was a remake of one of the small battles during the revolution. The sounds of gunshots and canons were ringing in his ears and making his palms sweat. 

He had always been uneasy around loud noises. It wasn’t weird. 

Leaning his forehead on his hand, he kept watching, looking much more drawn in than any other student in the dark classroom. Jack even felt as if he was getting too into the moment. But he could feel his limbs finally waking and his heart managing a steady pace, even if it was starting to sound heavy in his ears, he was reveling in the heat that was slowly starting to ease the pain that had settled in his bones since yesterday night. 

Then a particularly loud shot was heard, and the film showed a nasty remake of a gunshot wound situated in a nasty mound on the man’s chest. It played the loud heartbeat that the soldier could hear in his ears, and within an instant Jack’s had synced up with it. The man on screen was grimacing and then suddenly was limp. Then the narrator began to explain how they’d remove a bullet during that time period, but Jack’s mind wasn’t there. The teen’s brain was rushing with procedures he had never learned, and suddenly he was on his feet, leaning over the teacher's desk, “I’m going to go to the restroom.” He didn’t even see her response before he was out of the classroom and booking it down the hall to the bathroom. His legs felt weak and shaky as they carried him into a stall, and his arms were numb as he slammed the door. His vision was masked by a hot flash of white. He didn’t even register the crack of his fingers as it collided with the brick of the wall, or the wave of burning pain that cramped the muscles. He collapsed onto the floor as his vision shifted from white to a field. 

Jack felt a convulse of pain on his chest. It mixed with a sense of regret and adrenaline. It was sort of addicting, overlooking the way he was clutching at his chest to try and find how to ease this ghost pain. He was sweating with how much it hurt. As his eyes scanned his surroundings they began to melt away into the bathroom stall once again. 

And suddenly there was another gunshot. No, it was a knock. 

A knock at the stall door. Jack was on the floor of a bathroom stall. In school. It was morning… and… and he was alive. At least as much as he could recall. 

“Yo?” The voice of a boy asked on the other side of the door as another knock banged against it. 

Jack was hyperventilating, and tears ran down his face, bringing back the sudden memory of hot blood on his skin. He had to look down to make sure that he wasn't bleeding anywhere. Jack was sure he was. His heart is racing as if he really had gotten hurt… like he had been shot. There _had to_ be a cut somewhere. There had to be an open wound on his chest where the pain was still lingering in his nerves and making him realize that maybe he was going insane. He was just so dizzy, and his vision doubled as he looked over his body. 

“Did someone just die in here?” the boy asked again, knocking once more. 

Jack began to panic more than he was seconds before, “Ah… No. I’m alive. I think…”

There is the noise of a scoff on the other side, and then the sound of boy trying to open the stall as if he expected it to be unlocked. “Should I go get a counselor?” There was the faint beginning of a laugh behind his words. It made Jack feel like a joke. Wrong. For a moment he was hoping that he could have been dead. Or… dying? Maybe being gone would do him better than living through this awkwardness. How was he to explain something when he had no idea what was going on? He’d be sent to a mental ward without any second thought if he actually tried to explain this all to any sane soul.

When there was no response the boy asked a question Jack hadn’t been expecting, “Could you at least open the stall?” 

The boy who stood on the other side of the stall door was concerned. He knew something was going on, and from the few things he overheard the voice calling out, he had a vague idea of what was going on to the poor soul who was in this bathroom with him. He felt sorry in some sick way. As if he knew that what he was suspecting was 100% true. Though he had no proof. He had heard the anguished noises whether or not the person who was making them was aware of it, and he had heard the sound of knuckles hitting the wall, something he was all too familiar with. For a second he let his fingers run over the bandages on his hand. Fall was never a good time for these sorts of things...

Jack opened the stall door. The movement startled both of them. Neither of the teens really expected Jack to comply, but he did. 

Boy, was he far from a pretty sight. Disheveled was the only word to put to it. His hair was wet with sweat, and his eyes bloodshot and wide with fresh tears tracking down his face. Jack wanted to die right there and then as he stared into the brown eyes of the other boy. Even if he could barely see with how dizzy he was and with how the salty tears just never seemed to cease. He was spread on the floor despite how had he made any conscious decision on where he sat it would definitely not be the dirty floor. “I’m okay.” Jack muttered. He knew it’s a blatant lie. It was going to be a very big task if he was going to really convince whoever he was looking at that he was indeed okay. 

The other laughed, “I’m not sure about that. How about you let me bring you to the nurse’s so if you die today I’ll feel a little less guilty.” Without any hesitation he kneeled in front of Jack, a cocky sort of grin on his lips. “I’m Tyler, by the way.” 

“Jack.” his voice cracked, but he didn’t care. It wasn’t like Jack was there, in the moment. His mind was still half left on whatever battlefield he had been experiencing only a few minutes before and the other half of it was desperately searching for a way to get himself out of this situation. Before Jack could manage to say anything else Tyler was reaching out to look at Jack’s hand. It wasn’t good. The skin is red and irritated, and there were faint hues of purple and brown rising under the surface already. He was going to have a gnarly bruise so bad after this. 

“Woah. This is nasty. Why’d you do that?” Tyler asked with concern. It sort of confused Jack. Why Tyler sounded so worried over someone he had never met in his entire life. 

Jack shook his head, a wet curl that was half stuck to his forehead bobbing with the action, “Dunno. Wasn’t really thinking for a moment there.” 

Tyler hummed as if this was every other day of his life. Made Jack wonder exactly how many times he’d walked into the school bathroom and been someone’s knight in shining armor. Probably one time too many. There was little to no more discussion made as Tyler helped Jack off of the floor and into the hallway. Almost the entire weight of the smaller boy was pressed against him as Jack staggered by Tyler's side, having to not only hold onto the other’s shoulder but also press a sweaty hand to the hall so he doesn’t topple over. Jack was lucky enough to not be too far from the nurses office. He’s also fortunate enough to have Tyler sit down in the chair next to the cheap school cot. It didn’t look like the kid would leave his side anytime soon. It’s not like Jack was complaining. The mere idea of braving the hell hole that is the school nurse office made him feel more queasy than he already was. It had been years since he’d had to come down to this dingy room, and he wasn’t too happy about coming here, and was even less satisfied with the fact he was practically _carried_ there.

Tyler took the job of explaining what happened. Jack sat there and watched them talk. He was uneasy with the fact that Tyler and the school nurse had gone across the room, and were talking in very quiet voices. It began the worry of what they were discussing. Jack was hoping to dear god that they weren't talking about what hospital to send him to. Because that meant he'd have to start kicking and screaming, and that'd make even more of a scene than what he'd already made. It would be far from pretty.

Alas, it didn't seem like that was the case when the nurse and Tyler came back to Jack's side, the woman looking concerned, but not as bad as Jack had expected her to. "I'm sorry I can't exactly do much here. I'm going to call your parents."

"But-" Jack began to protest, but Tyler interrupted him.

"It's best you go home. Trust me."

Jack's brows furrowed and his jaw hung a little slack before he spoke again, "What's that supposed to mean?!"

"Mr. Jackson, I'd appreciate it if you went back to class. I understand that you're worried, but I wouldn't want you getting into any trouble with Marissa. You know she can get scary." The nurse smiled in such a welcoming and happy way that Jack felt a little too at ease with this situation. Not a single question that came to mind pushing its way past his lips out of pure respect.

Tyler nodded, "Gotcha. Stay safe Jack. I'll see you round."

With that he left. There wasn't another word shared between them, and for some reason it made Jack a little sad. He didn't know why. Tyler gave Jack a sense of security. Even if they had only talked to one another for a very short period of time he was sad to see him leave. Jack wanted to bask in that aura for just a little while longer. It was helping him feel at ease after all that had happened in that small bathroom stall. Now Jack was left in the nurse's office with a woman that he had never talked to before. And what just really topped the whole thing off was the fact that he'd have to explain this all to his parents when they came and picked him up. This was not going to end well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again!  
> For those of you who didn't see me comment last chapter, I will be trying my best to keep up with an every other day update schedule.  
> Emphasize on "Trying my best".  
> I was dumb and didn't consider school is starting up, and I will be mad stressed thanks to distance-hybrid-whatever learning. So I apologize in advance for any days I may miss. If I disappear for a day or two don't worry. The story will go on! I will have probably just began crying over school work XD 
> 
> Have an amazing night/day, my lovelies! 
> 
> -A stressed yet content Author


	3. You never listen anyways

Jack was picked up about fifteen minutes after Tyler had left him alone in the nurses office. The wait had been excruciatingly awkward. Between the questions the nurse kept asking him, and the somewhat knowing yet judgey looks he kept receiving from her, Jack felt as if it’d be better to just disappear right here and right now. It was like the woman was suspecting something. To be honest Jack wasn’t sure he wanted to know what she thought was going on. Maybe it was for his own good that he didn’t ask before he stumbled out of that room with his mother by his side. 

Today Jasmine had no questions to ask her son, but Jack was almost a hundred percent sure that had the nurse not been around and there weren't any students in the hall he would have been dragged to the car with a firm grasp on his ear. See, his mom never made sense in these types of situations. It was the sort of thing that any teen this day complains about, but Jack had always lived like this. His mother would baby him after school if he came home at usual time after a long day, saying he felt under the weather, and she'd tell him that she could have called him in. If he was sent to the nurses office and called home... that was a different story. Jack could never tell if it was just because his mom always begged him to just ask her to call him in sick. But it wasn't like the boy knew that he was going to have some weird black out at school. In his opinion this was far from his fault.

Getting home in general was a blur. Jack's mind was far from the present. It was still trying to coax him back into whatever world it had gone to when he passed out. Jack wasn't too happy about that. Especially considering how much stress that put him in. Noises still echoed in his head as he blankly stared out the passenger window of the car. Canons and gunshots, screams and horses. For some reason it all felt real. Like Jack had once been on a gory battlefield like that. He hadn't. Not a single day in his life. The only time he could recall even seeing anything close to the sorts was a field trip in the sixth grade, going to Fort Moultrie where they still had old canons set up. That day had been one of Jack's favorites in middle school. Field trips in general were his favorites.That one in particular stood out thanks to Miles playing around and acting as if he got hit by a canon ball was dying. Apparently many little middle schoolers thought that was peak humor... looking back on it now it wasn't so funny.

"Jack?..."

He jumped, head snapping to look over at his mother and then to the site out the windshield. They were home already.

"Are you okay? You must be real sick. Spaced out so bad there..." his mother, for some odd reason, didn't sound as mad as he had seen in her face when they were leaving the school. Jack began to really consider the fact that he might be going clinically insane.

He took in a long breath of air through his nose, relishing in the chilling feeling as he breathed in the fall air. Then he responded, "I don't think I got enough sleep last night. Had a nightmare and woke up far too early. Think I'll just go to sleep." Once again his voice didn't sound like his own. Hell, his _body_ didn't feel right. It was an unusual sensation and it threw him off guard for a moment. "That okay?" He was sheepish. Like he was expecting a lecture or strict words. That's what his father would have done in this situation, If Harry had been the one that school nurse called Jack would have been sent back to class with a glass of water. It was like Harry didn't believe in feeling under the weather.

Jasmine nodded, "of course. I'm going to be going out with a friend or two for lunch. Call me if you need me, okay hon?"

Jack didn't respond, but it wasn't like he needed to. He knew for a fact that all those words were just to seem like a well put together family, though the Laurences were the least put together family you could find in this neighborhood. It was an act for the sake of others. The boy just left the car and went inside.

For once he didn't bother to grab something to drink or even anything like a bowl in case he vomits (because he sure feels like he's going to). He just dragged himself upstairs and hid off in his room. Not even changing into something comfortable before he flopped onto the bed and let himself fall asleep.

**...**

He was so tired and he hadn't even realized it until he was woken up by a soft knocking at his door. He rolled over and called out a small, groggy, "What?"

"Dinner is ready if you're feeling up to it." His mother informed him softly, sticking her head into his room, "You know your father would prefer you ate with us, but I can tell him you won't join us tonight if you're not feeling well enough."

Jack shook his head the best he could with his cheek still pressed into his pillow. "No. I'll be out in a second."

Jasmine nodded and shut the door. Jack could hear her footsteps slowly go down the hall.

Jack had to wake himself up for a moment. He rubbed at his sleepy eyes and took in a big breath of air, trying to recall what had happened before he drifted off and why he was still in his school clothing. Then it all hit him. A wave of realization rushed along with recollection of what had happened. He'd have to explain to his parents why, in the first time since elementary school, he was sent home. Even worse... sent home first period. Then it also hit him that it meant he slept through the whole day.

There was no way he’d manage to get out of this without a lecture or being forced to attend a doctor’s visit. Jack was starting to think that maybe sitting through that awkward check-in would be worth it. He’d do anything to prove to himself that what was happening wasn’t what he expected it to be. He was _hoping_ it wasn’t what his mind kept whispering to him. It’d only make him more of a disappointment than he was already. Jack couldn’t handle that. 

The boy left the mild safety of his bedroom, and trudged down the stairs. He was still too lost in thought to notice his father sitting on the couch. 

”Long time no see.” Harry mumbled in a tone that made Jack internally cringe. It made it so clear that this wasn’t going to be an easy conversation. 

”Had a long day.” Jack grumbled, just over his breath, it was sarcastic and laced with teen-angst. It wasn’t meant to be heard. But it was. 

Immediately his father’s brows pulled into a frown, and his eyes went dark. “What did you say to me?” 

”Nothing, sir.” Yet again Jack’s words were joking. It threw even him off. There was a fighting spirit that had risen in the back of his mind. It made his chest feel hot and his veins carry a sort of flame throughout his body. 

_Talk back. You won’t get anywhere anyways else.  
_

That sudden thought confused Jack even more. It just wasn’t him speaking. He wanted to believe that it was simply one of the raging voices in his head. 

His father sighed. It was stressed and held a sense of contemplation. Obviously a ‘ _what am I going to do with you?_ ’ action. It made Jack’s palms begin to sweat, but still his fighting urge didn’t falter. 

”Young man, I don’t know where you got this attitude, but I do not appreciate it. Keep it up and you’ll be stuck coming straight home and cleaning until dinner.” 

Again, that voice in the back of Jack’s head was coming back with harsh words. This time, though, they flew straight out his mouth. “That’d be better than being forced to hang out with all these friends you arranged for me for the sake of your _stupid_ social standing!” These words weren’t his... exactly. See, there had been times where Jack had thought things similar to this. Where he wanted to curse out Harry with all that he had, but he never would. This was new. 

It was the last straw for Harry. He scoffed, standing up from where he was sat on the couch. “You want to say that one more time?” 

Jack was on autopilot for second time that day. He could see the scene in front of him through his eyes, but any of his limbs weren't moving on his accord. Something had taken over his body, and he had to sit there in the back of his own mind and watch as whatever force that was controlling him ruined his life.

He stepped close to Harry, leaning his head back ever so slightly so he could look the man straight in the eyes. He glared into the green orbs with almost no fear or discomfort, while in the back of his head, Jack wanted to scream and run. There was too much tension building in him, but it was like he could only feel it in his subconscious. "I'm not happy going around and making a fool of myself, talking with these _stupidly sheltered_ white boys to please you and others."

Harry's hand raising into the air was the only thing Jack was able to see before he blacked out.

It was like something out of an old film. He saw black, then almost immediately it faded into the field he had seen in the bathroom stall. This time the area felt so much more welcoming than before. Maybe it was because what he was coming from...

Tall grass surrounded a dirt path, and from what Jack could see he was on a horse again. A large group of men followed behind him on their own horses. There was fresh adrenaline running through his blood as he led his men down this path. He caught a glimpse of bright red in the brush. It made him hold his breath for a moment. Though it wasn't tense, it was contemplation. Wondering what move he should make. There was a tug in his chest that was begging him to throw himself into something without thought He wasn't sure what.

He commanded them to attack. A thick sense of immediate regret pulled with his words.

The commander left no time before he rushed into battle. It seemed like the heat of the moment cut off quick as a sudden, convulsing pain grasped his chest. The soldier took in what he had assumed would be his last breath as he fell from his horse into the grass with a thud.

A faint voice rang out behind him, laced with concern that Jack hadn’t heard in his entire life, “Lieutenant!” 

The pain of that was nothing compared to the wound that his hand grasped at. The crimson blood gushing out of the gnash was warm on his dirty fingers. His eyes stayed to the sky as he heard the battle move on. There were sounds of others lying on their deathbed, crying out in pain, or for someone who might bring a bit of comfort in the moment. So many were crying out the name of a loved one, or like a child, were screaming for their mother. Along with the sound of gunshots and horses… there was too much going on in Jack’s head. 

The sky was hues of orange mixing with blue, and Jack couldn't exactly understand if it was morning or night as he tried to remind himself that this wasn’t real. For a second he could feel the cold tile of the bathroom floor under his hands. But as quickly as it came, it faded. 

An overwhelming amount of guilt was running through him as he laid in the grass. And it wasn’t because he stopped applying steady pressure to his gunshot wound. It was something else. A glimpse of dark blue eyes and bright red hair came through his sights. With it came a sigh that could only be described as content. Suddenly a line laced itself together in his mind, _Alexander my boy… I apologize for my actions. I do hope that I will set my gaze upon your face once again._

“Alexander.” the man breathed. It wasn’t Jack’s voice. It was deep, grown up. A man’s voice. And then there was nothing. Black. 

Jack comes back to it on the couch, sitting up and gasping for air. His hands clutched the couch cushion without second thought as his wide eyes scanned the room for where the hell he was. He didn't know. His heart was racing, and his chest was still aching horribly. It wasn't as bad as it had been seconds ago, so he couldn't complain. His breathing stayed frantic no matter how many deep breathes he managed in. His body was only halfway working under his own control still. It was throwing him off.

"Are you sure we shouldn't bring him to the hospital?" His mother's voice was quiet, in the distance. It took him a moment to pinpoint where she was.

It wasn't until his father spoke that Jack made the connection that they were in the kitchen. As if going in the room over would keep him out of their conversation, passed out or not. "No, he's fine."

Liar.

It was a minute or two before his mom walked back into the living room. It gave Jack plenty of time to try and piece together what had happened. It wasn't like it took Einstein himself to make connections on what was happening. It was just a matter of putting into words that wouldn't get him killed that was the tricky part...

His mother looked concerned, but not enough for the situation. Jack could see the slightest bit of concern in her eyes, but for being there to hear him argue with his father, get slapped, and pass out, you think a mother would be a little more uneasy and wanting to check on her son. "Jack, honey? Do you think you should go see a doctor?"

"There's no point in asking him, Jasmine, the kids delirious. Just take him there. Make sure no one sees though, can't have anyone making assumptions-"

"No." Jack spoke, his voice was scratchy. He hadn't been expecting that.

Harry looked cross. Like he'd be ballsy enough to try and hit Jack with his mother in the room. "Excuse me. Don't talk like that. This is what got you here in the first place."

"Darling, please." Jasmine sighed lightly, turning for a moment to make it clear her words were directed to her husband and not her son. Taking Jack's side for once in a lifetime. "Are you feeling okay?"

Jack took a second to stare at his mother's face, taking in her features. It brought a sense of comfort on his aching limbs, and for a mere moment cleared the throbbing in his chest. He was just Jack for just a second. That's all that he wanted. To be just Jack.

"I'm not sure I am..." He began, shaking his head, "but I know what is wrong."

"Oh? Is that so? When did you go to med school?" Harry commented under his breath, but it wasn't like his wife and son couldn't hear it. Neither of them reacted to the smug response.

"I am a second timer." Jack stated with such certainty that he was sure that his parents wouldn't question it. He knew that if he sounded like he was stating facts it'd make it less of a shock. It made him think that maybe he'd get away with this without being thrown out or hit again. But as he stared into his parent's eyes, and watched as their faces contorted in some sort of sick response he realized that he was wrong. 

Boy, was he wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, the chapter that I was dreading. Wasn't sure I could do what I had in mind justice. I hope I did good.  
> I was writing this, and fighting the urge to just go to bed since I've gained the sleep schedule of an actual child.  
> Which also means, that after today it is very likely that my update schedule may get a little off for a bit. I'm super sorry about it already. I just need to get into the flow of writing during school hours again since it's been half a year already!  
> That doesn't mean that the story has been forgotten though!  
> It just means that I probably fell asleep at eight again. 
> 
> Have a wonderful day/night! 
> 
> love,  
> An Author that naturally wakes up at four in the morning


	4. A smack in the face. Metaphorically.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick Warning!!!
> 
> This chapter is going to include physical and verbal abuse from parents!! 
> 
> If you'd like to skip over the scene then do not read the area of the story marked with the '...' After and before this mark will be safe to read. 
> 
> Stay safe everyone <3

The first reaction that Jack could really process was Harry laughing. It was sick. He found this all funny. For some odd reason Jack felt angered by that, even if he knew it was stupid. It wasn't like he wholeheartedly believed that this was real. He was simply just Jack, not some old man who fought in a war. That was just this head.

That wasn't what passed his lips, though, "I'm not joking!" It was harsh and final. Jack was never like that. No, Jack was calm and quiet. That's how he was raised. His mother always prided herself on what a well-behaved young man she brought up. This wasn't Jack.

"Son, you know all of that stuff is just to get the government more money. You're just a little lost after you blacked out." He was still laughing between his words. Jack wanted to give him a taste of his own medicine. "Jasmine, dear, do you think I hit him too hard?"

"I don't think you hit me hard enough. Do it again, maybe you'll get it right and slap the poor soul who has to see this right outta me!" Jack found himself standing up from the couch despite how hallow his legs felt. He puffed out his chest and stared Harry right in the eyes. Trying to intimidate Harry as if all his (almost) six foot, teenage lankiness could. 

”Jack! Don’t talk like that to your father!” His mother scolded. Her hand settled on the middle of Jack’s back, right between his shoulders blades, in an attempt to try and keep him at ease. 

It didn’t work. 

He was up in Harry’s face in mere seconds, expression pulled tight and tense. He wasn’t about to back down, and it seemed like Harry wasn’t going to either. Had his mother not been there, Jack probably would have already received another ‘disciplinary’ smack. 

”If you really want it, then go on. Seems like you’re just asking for it now, son. What is this that you're spewing, huh? Tell me more. I’m _so_ interested.” Harry spat.

Oh, that was all that the voice in Jack’s head needed. Immediately he began to screech, words after word just flying out. “I don’t care what you think about this, or what stupid excuse you have for what is going on in my head, but for the past two days I’ve felt like _garbage_ _,_ and it’s not like either of you,” he vaguely gestured to his mom and his father, “are doing anything to help me. So how about you actually sit down and listen to me!” His voice cracked one too many times, but he didn’t care in the slightest. It felt good to scream. Even if it wasn’t him doing the yelling. Jack was still sat in the back of his own mind, watching this all go down like a movie. It was the weirdest feeling he’s ever had.

He was surprised when it wasn’t Harry being the first to respond. 

Jasmine, Jack’s mother, was stood between them without seconds. Her usually welcoming and soft face rock hard. She meant business. “Jack Laurence. You will _not_ talk to either of your parents in such angry way. Watch yourself, or you will be put into much worse than forced friendships, young man. And you!” She turned to Harry, ginger already pointed in his face, “If you hit our son one more time I’m packing up and leaving. You got that?” Her voice was so strong and final that it didn’t give room for either man (or boy) to respond. A mere nod was enough for her, at least. “Now, we are going to sit down at the table, dinner or not, like a _family_ and talk this out.”

She was walking off to the dining room right after she finished talking. There was no space for a rebuttal or complaint. The two followed her into the dining room, even if they were shooting nasty looks at one another.

Despite the fact that both of them wanted to punch the other, they sat down at the table as Jasmine had requested, and began to eat dinner. It was tense and silent for the longest time. Eyes meeting and saying so much without words. Staring daggers into the face of the other as they stuffed food into their mouths made the air tense and uncomfortable. Had Jasmine not kept herself upset with both of them she would have tried to make conversation, to ease them back into the ways of ignoring the issues that had risen between them. That’s how it usually was in this household. They didn’t speak of anything that didn’t give them a ‘good look’. Much like how his mother never brought up how she saw Jack kissing a boy one day after school. It was- ironically -an unspoken rule when in the house.

It wasn’t until Jasmine looked up from her half eaten plate and forced a smile that they began to talk, and it was her starting the conversation. “So, Jack. How about we start easy. How has school been?” 

“Honestly?” He asked, again surprised by his own tone. It wasn’t like he could help it, though.

”Please.” Jasmine nodded slightly with her words. Not even sparing a glance to Harry as he pulled a rather unattractive expression of disbelief.

”I hate it.” Jack huffed, leaning back in his chair a bit. These definitely weren’t his words. “I didn’t get to choose any of my classes, and I _hate_ it. The classes are boring.”

For some odd reason Jasmine didn't look very surprised. But Harry, on the other hand, looked as if he was going to reach over the table and strangle Jack. For a second Jack believed he would. The expression on his father's features was a grim reminder that anything Jack was going to admit tonight would be thrown aside or shot down. All he got in response was a hum of a acknowledgement, which makes that fighting spirit that has newly settled in his head a little angry. It spurs on the gush of words that has been begging to gush past his lips, which have been pressed into a tight line when he wasn't talking as if it'd keep any of his thoughts from being spilled. 

"It isn't only school that's been getting on my nerves." He stated blandly, picking at his food like he was actually interested in what they were eating. 

"Oh?" Harry finally speaks up, his brows raised. It isn't intrigue though. Jack knows that. He's seen this face one too many times. This is a _warning._ A red flag, even. Showing the boy that he's already stepped over a line, and he'd only step over more if he kept going. 

Jack keeps going. 

"Yeah. The fact that I'm feeling under the weather is really keeping me from working too." 

"And why's that?" Harry asks again. From an outside view it would seem like a normal conversation between father and son, but the family knows better. Harry is trying to get an excuse to have an outburst again. 

Jack was going to give him just that. "I keep passing out, but there's something real weird about it. You see, when I black out. I think of something. But it's-" 

He's cut off by a scoof and has to look at the other two at the table to figure out who it was. Of course it was Harry. "If you're about to spew this reincarnation trash again, I don't want to hear it." 

“Why don’t you? Huh? Because you’re in denial?!” Jack’s voice isn’t his again. He’s in the back of his head. Watching. “You don’t want to think of your sin being what you keep denying? You’re denying the truth? God, how do you expect to have people like what you say, and follow your beliefs when you are just so blatantly _incorrect?!”_

"Young man!" Harry begins, only to be cut off by Jack.

"Don't 'young man' me! You only say that to invalidate whatever I say! I'm far from young, and even if you refuse to acknowledge that it doesn't make it any less of a fact." He didn't know why suddenly his vocabulary was so formal. Jack had always been more on the formal side with his parents, but this was pushing it. It wasn't like he had any control over it at the moment anyways, so he let it happen. "You really believe that reincarnation is such a far fetched concept when your son is sitting here after being sent home because of a flashback? Whether you like it or not this is happening, and Jack and I need the utmost care with this situation, so why don't you do what every other parent should and care for your offspring!" His own words made him confused and a little scared. It wasn't the fact that the expression that both his mother and father had were unreadable. It was the fact that his voice wasn't his for some reason, at least the voice in his head. Of course all his parents heard was a teenage boy, but Jack heard a grown man. His voice was soft, but stern, and it didn't sound too much older than him, but it was clear he already grown enough to have a voice drop and obviously gather enough guts to be able to stand up to his parents. 

Then it hit him. 

This is the man that Jack must have been in a past life. 

He didn't have time to dwell on the thought, though, especially because Harry was standing, and approaching his seat. 

**...**

Jack's eyes widened when he saw Harry's hand twitch where it was clutched next to his side. It was a familiar sight, and he wasn't fond of it at all. Suddenly it was all Jack. He was no longer able to hide away in the back of his mind where he could watch the short tempered spirit that lived with him in his head take this situation. Oh, what Jack would give to be able to just pass out right now and have one of those memories or whatever. It's sad to admit, but he could sit through those better than a 'conversation' with his father. 

But he can't. Jack is in present time, sitting in a chair at the dinner table, staring into the aggravated eyes of his father. The ones that seemed to constantly kindle a fire behind them. A rage that Jack never saw in anyone else... it wasn't like he looked people in the eyes anyways. His palms were sweating so bad that he had to wipe them on his pants under the table to try and relieve himself. Jack could feel a tremble overtake his usually steady being, and it was making him itch to stand up in a bad attempt to seem like he isn't cowering under his father's glare. There wasn't any time to move as he wished anyway before Harry sternly began to speak even if time felt like it had slowed down. 

"Now, you will sit, and _listen_ to me. Take every. Single. Word. In like the smart kid you are, who I raised. Or you will face the consequences. Understand?" Harry's eyes stayed on Jack's face, forcing the boy to keep eye contact as he loomed over him. He knew full well that Jasmine wouldn't say a word to try and stop this. She never did. 

Jack was stone cold all of a sudden, but it was still Jack, he nodded ever so slightly and muttered, "Yes, sir."

"Good." A morbid looking smile pulled onto his father's lips. A false display of satisfaction. "Now, Jack. You are simply under the impression that this is real because you are sick. What we are going to do about this is your mother and I's decision because no matter what you think, we are _reliable_ adults and know what's best for you and you'll sit down and be a good kid and listen to what we tell you to do because you are our son and that's what good kids do. And you don't want to be a bad kid, do you Jack?"

"No. I don't, sir." Jack mumbled just under his breath. Even if the other person in his mind wasn't right there at the moment Jack could feel the rebellious urges from deep in his chest. The sudden push to scream in Harry's face, tell him what was really going through his head right now. But he was Jack, and Jack was raised to not speak back. He learned to sit down and take it no matter how much he wanted to do the opposite. No matter how much he wanted to cry.

Harry nodded, leaning back a little so he was finally not leaning over Jack as he had been for ages. It lifted a bit of the tension in Jack's chest and shoulders, but he still was cowering and wanted to break under the pressure. It wasn't until that feeling of that old man coming to the front of his mind that he really felt the panic of the situation. A sudden wave of fear because he knew that he couldn't push back whatever the other identity wanted to say, whoever was living in his head was about to land him in the hospital for injuries that his own father delivered. It wasn't going to be pretty.

"Alright-" Harry began, but was unpleasantly cut off by 'Jack'.

"But I cannot promise I'll listen." He mumbled, gaze finally moving to his hands in his lap.

Harry didn't move to lean over him again. Apparently intimidation wasn't his first resort after it failed the first time. "What?"

"Actually... there's no reason I should follow your ridiculous plans for me. I could walk out of here if I really wanted to!"

"Do it." Harry spat, "I _dare you."_

See, it wasn't like the words came out like a challenge. They were strong and firm and in all honesty... they were sort of mocking. But Jack's body was moving on its own again, and he got himself out of his chair despite how hard he was trying to stay seated.

**...**

Jack couldn't remember the rest of the night. He woke up in his bed with a raging headache, and a bandage medical-taped to his cheek. He winced as his hand flew to the spot out of pure reflex. Even through the thick cotton of the bandage it stung and brought a little bit of tears to his eyes. Lord, he thought bleakly, was he really that childish?

Apparently so. Because throughout the entire time he got ready for school he'd wince and groan in pain when something brushed it. The whole time he made sure he was presentable he was trying to think of a story to cover this all up.

By the time he left the house he was still at a loss for words.

What scared him more than having to explain this all was a pass he received in first hour.

_Jack Laurence_

_Nurse's office, 8:15_

He immediately went to grab his phone out of his pocket to check the time. He had four minutes. A sudden sense of discomfort rushed in him. So many questions coming to mind, all of which were going to be left unanswered. That made it worse for him. There was no one to answer the things that were eating away at him slowly. He was sure if anyone actually chose to sit down and listen to him- _believe_ him -he would never stop asking. Just one thing after another. Jack would talk the poor soul's ear off.

When the time finally came to head off to the nurse's office he was sweating so hard he was sure he had a stain on the back of his shirt. This never happened. Jack wasn't the type of student to be called places. There had been one time in his entire life he got a pass that wasn't to the office to pick up lunch his parents dropped off or something, and that one time was because a few of his so called friends had been causing trouble and the staff had to make sure that Jack didn't know of it. See, when you're a academically good kid, who doesn't reach out for help because you simply don't need it, you don't go to your counselor's office. You simply just don't have to! So when a pass does come around it has to be something real urgent.

It sure doesn't seem like that when Jack steps into the room for the second time that week. The nurse, who he never caught the name of, was sitting behind her desk, feverishly typing away on her computer. The sound of acrylic nails on keys of a computer seemed to echo through the room in some spooky sort of way. Jack awkwardly cleared his throat since he wasn't sure what else to do.

"Ah! Jack, you're here, good, good. Do you mind sitting down and waiting for a moment? I just have to finish up this email." She sounded far too cheery for this early in the morning. Or for a school nurse. Who could be so happy when you're getting paid minimum wage to deal with so many angsty teens? Her, apparently. It wasn’t like Jack was mad about it, it’s just the tone she used wasn’t one he often heard from adults, so it threw him off a little. That’s all. He sat down in one of the chairs off on the side of the room. His leg immediately began to bounce as he glanced around the rather bare room. The walls were white and leaked any decor. The only furniture was her desk, the chairs, and cots. And two curtains for the few who needed... privacy? Jack’s mind began to wander to whatever situations they may need that in. None of them were very admirable. 

“So... uhm.” He began, clearing his throat between words, “What am I here for?” 

The nurse looked up from the screen, “Just a check in. After yesterday I wanted to make sure you were okay.” She typed again and then apparently sent the email because she stood up from her desk, stepping around it. Once she stood in front of it she leaned against it, staring at Jack. “There’s also something I have to ask about. Make sure you’re okay.” 

Her words made Jack’s heart race for some odd reason. He assumed it was just because of everything that had happened these past few days. 

Or the looming secret that hangs heavy on his chest and shoulders. But it was impossible to know. At least Jack thought it was impossible. 

“Okay. What’s up?” He crossed a leg over the other, trying to appear as at ease as he could. He knew it wasn’t very convincing, but maybe it wasn’t to convince her. It was to do it to himself. 

The nurse nodded, Jack finally got a look at her badge that she wore around her neck, _Bella._ That name weirdly fit. Bella smiled and began to speak “Well, first off. How are you feeling after yesterday? You gave me quite a scare there.” 

For a moment Jack couldn’t decipher what happened at school and what happened at home. Everything was starting to blur in the weirdest ways. He could barely remember what had happened yesterday anyways. For some reason his mind was just pushing it right out after it settled in his memories. 

“I’m feeling okay.” He lied, hoping it didn’t sound like he was lying. If he had been honest he would have told her he’s still so lightheaded and scared he’ll pass out. He’d say something about that sentient being that’s taking up all the extra place in his head. But then he’d be sent to a mental ward, and he knew for a fact that he wouldn’t be able to take that. Nor would his parents. 

“That’s good!” Bella said in a happy, _encouraging_ way. Then suddenly her brows pulled into a concerned frown. Or more of... thought. “Well... this question might be a little sudden. But it’s protocol, especially after everything I say happen. And a bit of talk with Marissa...” 

Suddenly Jack felt ever more heavy than he did only seconds before. A sweat began to bead in his palms and on the nape of his neck. He felt antsy, and wanted to get up and walk back to class. Go sit through his headache no matter how much he wants to cry and bitch about it. It’d be better than enduring this game of cop and suspect. Anything would be better than this. 

“Alright.” A simple answer was all she needed apparently. 

Because then the dreaded question slipped out into the tense air of the Nurse’s office. One that Jack hadn’t been expecting, but in same weird way anticipated. 

“Are you experiencing the symptoms of being a second timer?”   
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am writing this feverishly between classes, so I'm being real ballsy right now considering I am risking losing track of time.
> 
> Again, I am sorry for not posting for so long, my first week back to school has been a rough one and I wasn't able to find time to write until now. Also I apologize for how slow this story seems to be going. I'm not sure if it's just because I have the entire thing planned out, or if it's really being drawn out too much. These next few chapters will really pick up, so if you feel it's a little to slow please wait out until this next chapter!!
> 
> I hope you all are having a good night/day and haven't been struggling as I have to keep a good schedule!! 
> 
> I love you all,  
> An author who was just crying on their sandwich


	5. Do you really want to lie?

The words hit him like a wave in the ocean. They took him under the surface, and took away his ability to see or breathe. 

_She figured it out.  
_

His green eyes were wide with shock and disbelief. It made him feel sick, his stomach turning and contorting into knots as he really thought about how to respond, let alone react to this all. There was a moment where he just sat there hoping he could fade into the wall behind him, become nothing more than a mark on the relatively clean white wall. Another part of him was begging his legs to move, to suddenly pick up his weight and run. Far from the nurse's office. Or maybe faint right there and then, though that last one didn't help his case at all. Even if he tried to convince himself otherwise, Jack knew there was no way out of this one. He was prey trapped into a corner, surrounded by the harsh, white fangs of the predators who have been hot on his trail since birth. At least he could delay the inevitable. "I'm not sure I know what you mean." 

Bella's brows pulled into a soft concern. It was a sickening sight. Her reaction was so genuine, caring. It was like eating another piece of candy long after the queasiness settled in. It made Jack's lightheadedness worsen as he began to wonder what she might do after this. Vivid scenarios played in his head, able to see her expression drop into something sinister and dark. But when he came back to the present, she was still so real and just _there._ The idea of an adult caring this much about him only made Jack want to run even more. His limbs twitched in anticipation. He thought he'd have to run. 

"Jack, hon." 

He internally cringed at the name. No one calls him hon. 

"Tyler told me about what he saw in the bathroom-" 

She was promptly cut off by Jack scoffing and shaking his head. "And why do you believe in Tyler? He doesn't know what's going on." These were wholeheartedly Jack's words. For once feeling enough of a flame in his stomach to stand up for himself, unaware of the other side of this conversation. It was like the fuse burned short way too late. Again, he was unaware. 

Bella frowned, and Jack couldn't tell if it was because he cut her off or if it was because he came off harsh... he assumed it was both. 

"I'm not in the place to tell you why I trust Tyler so much, but I can tell you that I've told what I know to a..." She paused, hands moving in a circular motion as she searched for a word. Jack had no clue what word she was looking for. "Professional about what I've been told, and I think in this situation it's best I follow what I've been told to do." 

This, for some reason, irked Jack. The immediate change from Bella caring to following whatever messed up thing the school told her to do. He was right- his scenarios were right -there was no way an adult could care for him like that. They never did. He stiffened in his chair, any sort of fake confusion he had pulled onto his features gone, "Oh? And what'd that be?" 

Realization fell onto Jack like an anvil. Those words weren't his. Nor were they of the person sharing his soul. They were his father's. It made the ghost of his sentence burn on his tongue, hot and painful. The itching urge to apologize came quickly as a lump in his throat.

He didn't get his chance to apologize. 

"Well," She began, sounding a little uneasy, "I have already sent an email to the person I need brought here." There was an immediate reaction from Jack. A not-so-subtle twitch of his legs as his mind urged him to run more than it had ever during this entire situation. He wanted to sprint from the nurses office, from the school. Get far away from South Carolina. Maybe he'd finally put his license to use and drive up the coast, he always had wanted to see Washington DC. It seemed like the right time. After that he could go into hiding... maybe off on the west coast. Somewhere like Idaho where no one would look for him. Jack hadn't even realized that Bella had been talking as he plotted his escape. She was still uneasy with her words, "... and then you'll be housed there." 

Woah, okay, so Jack missed more than he should have. A sudden feeling of franticness washed over him as he tried to piece together anything he could have missed. There was too much that flew right past his head, and it proved itself an impossible task as he was trying to figure out what he missed but also listen to what she was telling him now. It was overwhelming and overstimulating, and soon enough he gave up. Even his fighting urge to run subsided. Jack let himself ease the tension in his limbs. A mental and physical surrender to whatever was coming to him. Even if was going to be some hell like hospital, anything was better than home. With his luck, though, he began to wonder if he'd just be home ridden. Some psycho who is left to be cared for by his parents until his ultimate end. There was a shudder that came with that thought. 

**...**

Before Jack could really understand, even slightly, what was coming for him, he was faced with another person. They were leaning to be face level with him, their hands on their knees. Deep blue eyes stared back at him which brought some sort of comfort. _I used to have blue eyes,_ a tired voice sighed in his head. Jack had to file away that information. This wasn't the place to try and stifle through memories, he needed a private place. 

"You good?" They asked, brows furrowing and head tilting. They sounded young, and looked no older than a high school student. But Jack knew that they had to be older. He had never seen them around the school. They had an undercut sort of hair, the underside darker than the messy set of curls on top. Their concerned smile was crooked with lopsided teeth, making them remind Jack of some sort of piranha. It was a little confusing to the boy. He was caught more on figuring out who they were than responding. That got him a hand waving in front of his face. 

"Uh- yeah. I'm good." he mumbled, trying to get his mind into the present. It was starting to feel impossible. 

"Cool. You can walk, right? Not too keen with the idea of carrying a teen boy who is taller than me." They chuckled at their own joke, as if it were funny. Jack had to give a courtesy laugh to ease a bit of the awkwardness as he stood up. Whoever stood in front of him, he hadn’t caught their name, though he was sure they hadn’t offered it, stood up straight and shot a glance to Bella. They winked at her before turning to Jack. “Okie dokie, Jack? Was it?” They asked, settling a hand on his back right between his shoulder blades to direct him to walk forward. 

Jack hesitated before responding, “Yeah. That’s my name.” He sounded a little unsure about it, which probably didn't help their question get an answer. 

They smiled nodding, "Gonna be honest, I didn't really read the entire email." They sighed, "I don't think I tossed my name, I'm Ace. A second-timer social worker. I'll be making sure you settle in and all that jazz." They spoke with their hands, Jack noticed as he had to avoid getting hit square in the face as they went on with a little spiel on all of this. 

Jack easily ignored most of their rambling with ease, he was more focused on piecing together where he was being taken. Even if his sense of fight had been long gone it didn't mean he didn't care what was going to happen to him. There was still that familiar sense of fear and tension in his chest as he tried to imagine what might come next after all of this. What would become of him. None of what he saw in the future was pretty. 

They were walking on campus, or at least what'd be considered the high school's campus. Jack had the 'joy' of going to a more... fortunate high school, as Harry liked to describe it. It wasn't like it was a private school, not by any means. It was still one of those vulgar and dirty public schools which hold students who don't want to be there and all cuss out teachers when things don't go right. The teachers they had were good (at least for Southern standards). There was this building on campus that no student knew was for. It was never explained by teachers, even if you asked, and it had students walking in and out during the mornings and even on weekends if you walked by. The building was old looking. The brick was practically falling apart on the corners but the trim of the windows and the door were kept up. Even the little bit of yard that they had was neat and well kept. Students liked to say it was some sort of prison for kids thanks to the old fashioned cage-like bars that lined the windows. And that's exactly where they were heading. 

"Um... If you don't mind me asking." Jack began, confusion lacing itself in his facial features as he glanced over at Ace. "But. Where are you taking me?" 

"Second-Timer dormitory." They responded easily. "I can't tell ya too much about it, it's not my job, but let's just say that you'll be seeing a lot of this place after today." 

For some odd reason those words didn't worry Jack like he felt they should. As they neared the building a comforting sensation began to build in his limbs. It was legitimate comfort. Something good was coming, and that voice that he was still trying to get used to kept promising him that this was a right feeling. He was really walking into something good. He didn't seek the eyes of the few students who were walking in and out of the building at the moment, but as they got closer to the doors he began to feel that emotion he could only describe as excitement build in his fingertips and toes. It was fire like and Jack knew if he got it any worse he'd risk getting addicted to the borderline adrenaline. 

Ace interrupted his thoughts and made him jump a little with how their somehow soft voice boomed. "See, I'm gonna have to part ways with you once we get inside. I've got to look after a few kids. We've got some interesting cases going on here, but I will catch up with you later. Kay?" They leaned their head just enough to see Jack's expression, and he knew that they were just trying to gauge if he was actually okay with that or not. 

Truthfully, he wasn't. Jack wanted to drop to the floor and throw a tantrum like a child would. He wanted to forget this ever happened, and go back to just being a teenage boy. No weird voice in his head or horrid memories. Just be a boy. He couldn't, though. And he knew that. There was no turning back from what he had already walked into. At least he could deny being a second timer for a little if he really wanted to, even if there were multiple adults, and a student, who were already on his case. With all these impulses gushing through his mind, he was thinking in sparse concepts. The few that came by clear were a little muddled, but all of them urged him to stay. It seemed like deep down he really did want to keep going with this. So he spoke up, "I think I'll be okay." He still sounded unsure, but in his heart he knew he wasn't. He was sure, real deep down, that this was where he was meant to go with all of this. 

Ace nodded, "Coolio." 

Jack laughed, he couldn't help it, "Coolio?" He mocked. 

"You'll get used to it." They chuckled, ruffling the curls atop his head and then opening the big wooden door that lead into the building. They muttered to themself under their breath when the door opened. It was under their breath, and just too quiet to hear, it peaked Jack's intrigue. He didn't want to push. They lead him to a door, just to the left of the entrance, and knocked. "Always make sure to knock around here." They explained, "Sometimes there's someone else in the room and no conversation is worth eavesdropping or walking in on." The bit of time they had to wait for a response was used for Jack to glance around the area they stood in. The only word his mind could put to it was college like. It really seemed like an entrance to a school, and Jack had to wonder if this was once used as part of the school building. From what he could see there was a three halls off of this part of the building. He wanted to know what they lead to. Ace lead Jack in after a small 'come in' came from the other side that Jack hadn't even realized was said. 

The room was an office. It looked a lot like the ones in the school building. There was a small filing cabinet in the far back, and the desk sat in the very middle. A man sat at the desk. He had dirty blonde hair with glasses sat high on his nose. They were round, and when he looked up they magnified his eyes. He looked not a year past thirty, but his eyes seemed so much older. Jack felt even more at ease around him. Just his presence was enough to remove the tension in Jack's back. Though he still stood straight. 

"Hey, Ben. We've got a newcomer. Not sure my good ol' Bella sent you an email along with mine. Here we've got sir... Jack..." They drug out his name, making Jack realize that it was meant for him to finish. 

"Laurence. Jack Laurence." 

Ace nodded and looked back to Ben, "It still custom around here for you to introduce everyone? Or should I do the questioning myself?" 

"There's no need." Ben sighed, seeming to be rather over Ace's way of friendliness. He waved them off, "Go get back to the others. I'm sure that Jordan has some stuff for you to manage in your spare time." In response Ace nodded and left. 

Jack still stood and, not meaning to, but staring at Ben. He was trying to read the man as if he was a book. Like there was something clear he could figure out if he really observed long enough. Maybe there was. He was cut off early, so it he wasn't able to get anything that would be useful in conversation. 

"You can take a seat, Jack" He gestured to one of the chairs that was settled in front of his desk. Jack actually went to sit down. A sudden exhaustion taking over his body, like he was just catching up with the events of the day. "How has your morning been?" Ben asked with a light tone, leaning back in his chair a little, and settling his hands in his lap. 

The question threw Jack off a little. He barely realized that it was still morning, not even noon, and somehow his whole life has turned upside down. The thought made his heart race slightly. It wasn't like he was having the worst day of his life, no, because that was a total different story. He just wasn't good. At all. 

"Tiring." He chuckled, feeling a little awkward suddenly. 

Ben smiled, nodding, "I understand that." His smile was soft and comforting in some odd way. It was the tiniest bit familiar to Jack, but he couldn't put a finger on where he had seen it. "Well then, let's start basic. Do you know why you've been brought here?" 

Jack shrugged, eyes glancing off to the wall that he hadn't already looked at, only to notice all the photos hung on it. He resisted the urge to get up to look at them. "You guys think I'm a second timer, so I'm here to be interrogated, right?" 

"Not exactly," Ben laughed. The crows feet near his eyes were really evident when he laughed, it made him look older than he did before. "This is basic protocol for the school board. But we don't follow it exactly. The most we do the is what they told us is bringing you to this room. Now, what we are _supposed_ to do is get medical team and everything, but that's unnecessary." 

"So what do you do?" Jack asked, finally sounding his age. Curious and child like. 

"We ask you questions." Ben replied, following Jack's gaze to the photos and gaining a mellow smile. "But you don't have to tell us anything you don't want to." 

Jack looked to him, frowning, "Have you ever had someone lie?" 

"Not that we know of. Do you want to be the first to do that?" 

"I'm not sure..." Jack admitted, ever so slightly shaking his head. A silence settled in the room for the shortest second. They just looked at one another. It wasn't awkward or uncomfortable as it usually would be. Somehow it was a fitting silence. "What are you going to ask me?" Jack suddenly asked, even more curious than he had been when he first asked a question. 

Ben nodded with a satisfied smile, "How about we start easy?" He sat up straight and put his hands on his desk, looking at Jack. "Since I already know your name, and why you're here... What's your favorite color?" 

Jack was utterly confused. Was this how it was going to be the entire time? Was he being put into a mental hospital? Maybe he was being held here and lied to just long enough for the medical professionals to show up. He hadn't even been told what this place was! How was he supposed to feel at ease?

Even if his mind was going a million miles an hour Jack felt calm, and responded within seconds, "Purplish blue. People always tell me to just say indigo, but it's not the same." He could easily recall all the times his parents tried to get him to tell people indigo and get it over with, but indigo wasn't the color. In his mind he could see it so clearly. It was a dark blue, like the color of the ocean, mixed with the slightest undertone of purple. Whenever he imagined it he saw it as someone's eye color. It made him a little jealous that he had green eyes. "Or red." 

Ben nodded, "I like blue. Reminds me of good memories I have." There was another comfortable pause between questions. It separated them neatly. "What grade are you in?"

"Eleventh." 

"Ah, I will be honest, I don't remember much of my Junior year. It all went by so quickly." Ben glanced to the photos on the wall for a moment again, looking a little troubled. It confused Jack, but he wasn't sure he was in the place to ask what it was about. "I'm afraid that I need to be a little more blunt." 

Jack sighed lightly, he knew this would happen. They couldn't dance around why he was here for the whole day. Now was the time he decided if he wanted to be the first to lie. 

"Have you have had remembering things that aren't your own?" The way Ben said it clicked with Jack. Those were the words he had been looking for this whole time. These memories weren't his own. 

But Jack had to made a decision that could change his entire life here. Did he want to be honest? 

"I think I have." He nodded, letting go of a breath that he didn't even know he was holding. Now the only hard part about all this was going to be getting out of here in one piece. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you guess who Ace is based off of?  
> Because I hope it wasn't too clear I just put myself into my own fanfic XD 
> 
> It was a little weird referring to myself in the third person, and with an old nickname. Bit it would have gotten confusing if I didn't change my name since I go by Alexander.  
> I also recently realized that you all have no idea how the story goes, and it made me feel powerful. For some odd reason it made me feel a little more excited to write, so let's hope I can get back on schedule!! I'm even thinking about putting the next chapter out tomorrow since I've already got it halfway done... We'll see about it. 
> 
> I digress. I hope you're all thoroughly enjoying your day/night.
> 
> Sincerely,  
> An author with a god complex


	6. A new home

There was another one of those silences that Ben just seemed to specialize in. This one was the smallest bit tense. Jack felt, for the first time in this building, truly uncomfortable. The light of the breath out of his chest was reliving, but the knowing gaze of Ben was enough to push him back to being defensive in some odd way. He wanted to take back his words, and spit out that he was being brainwashed. 

He wanted to use his _father’s_ words to try and ward off the truth. Exactly what he had been yelling at his own father for the night before. What he got hit for. 

Ben had a soft, understanding smile. It made Jack wonder what the old man has been through. It made him wonder if he was one of _them._

”How do you feel about that?” Ben asked, haze finally leaving Jack’s. He was looking out the window. Jack hadn’t even noticed there was a window. 

“Honestly?” Jack laughed, it was breathy and a little mocking, but he laughed for the first time in ages. “I’m disgusted by it.” 

It was the truth. He drowning in pure disgust, but the feeling wasn’t his. He was deep in his own parent’s feeling. But how was he supposed to tell someone that? For all Jack knew, this was his own. It was all his own. 

Ben almost pouted, it wasn’t exactly child like- like the word ‘pout’ entails -but it was disappointed in the same way. “Do you know why?”   
  


**...**

They spent almost an hour talking. Questioning. They began a pace of second timer question, normal question, second timer question, normal, and so on. Jack hadn’t really felt too nervous answering many of the ones he was asked. It was all about how he felt.

’how did you feel about remembering this?’

’how did you feel when it first started?’

’do you feel okay right now?’ 

He didn’t feel nervous until Ben asked something different. New. 

“Do you have any idea where you died?” 

Jack wasn’t sure what to say. He wanted to lean closer to Ben, stare him in the eyes and tell him that he _didn’t_ die. He was Jack, and Jack was a live, healthy teen who was probably in his prime years. Though Jack could tell with the feeling of the words that he’d have it give an honest answer. He couldn’t bullshit this one. Especially after telling the truth up until now. He knew that there didn’t have to be an answer. It could be ‘I don’t know’, which was mostly true.

But Jack knew better than to partially lie right now. 

“Not exactly.” He admitted in a quiet sense of shame. “But... I remember what it looked like.” 

Ben nodded, “Will you describe it?” 

If he was being honest, Jack wanted to ask why. What more information did this man need? He already practically have him all he could. Instead, he began to talk, “I was in a field. There weren’t any building around. Er- at least that I could see. From- from what I remember. I didn’t see much before I died...” He felt sad again. That heavy feeling beginning to weigh on his chest again as he recalled everything that his mind had been working to bring back over the past three days. "From what I've seen- history wise, I mean, it looked like those uhm really old places. I think it was a war or something..." Jack was at a loss for the word he was searching for. Though he knew it was somewhere in his head.

Even with how Jack was stuttering and nervous Ben didn't falter. He kept a comforting sense of understanding on his face, nodding to show Jack he was listening. Then he asked, "How did you die?" 

Jack cringed at that one. His chest beginning to sting a little with the start of what wasn't going to be a short lived pain. The memory flashed right in front of Jack's eyes again. Glimpses of the scene he had witnessed before, tall grass and a group of well armed men. He once again felt that addicting adrenaline of riding into _war,_ and it made Jack almost start to hyperventilate. Then the pain in his chest started to ache, and he could remember the warmth of blood there, though Jack's mind knew that there was nothing there.

"I was shot." He mumbled, eyes blankly staring at the top of Ben's desk. "I was leading a troop of men, and was shot." 

The older man hummed, knowingly. Like he understood all of this even when he was only getting half of the story. 

After that there was no more questions. The office was quiet as Jack stared into nothing, trying to pull his mind back to the present. He didn't want to remember any of this again. He was in physical pain as his body replayed how his past life had ended. It was uncomfortable and painful, and to be honest... it pained Ben to watch. It took Jack about ten minutes to finally take in a deep gasp of air as if he hadn't gotten a full breath in since he walked into the room, and look up. "So what's gonna happen to me?" 

"You will be situated here." Ben explained, keeping his voice steady and straightforward. 

Jack immediately looked puzzled, brows furrowing and a frown pulling at the corner of his lips. Feeling defensive, his voice rose a bit and cracked as he responded, "What about my parents?" 

This was the first time of his entire experience so far that Jack saw Ben looked anything other than sympathetic. Jack finally broke through the somewhat shield that Ben had put on. The one that made him seem so soft and put together. So sweet. 

The subtle frown that pulled at his lips was enough to make Jack’s stomach drop. This wasn’t going to be good news. Slowly the dread that was eating away at him pushed out any sort of joy he had felt merely moments before. He remembered why he was here. What his parents would say about this. He was going to be sent to a mental hospital. 

“They signed you over.” He mumbled. 

“What?” Jack’s voice cracked. “Signed me over to who?” 

“The state. Committee of second timers. They’re still your parents, but for the time being they’re not the ones advocating for what happens to you.” Ben explained in a more solemn voice than he had ever used before. It was firm yet still quiet. 

Jack had to take a moment to process this. He didn’t even want to ask if there was any hesitation, because he knew there wasn’t. He knew that his parents would have happily signed him over to anywhere. They had wanted to get rid of him since he was born. Jack knew that as a fact. They never really cared. But somehow this still felt like a big punch to the gut. He was winded and sad. He couldn’t deny the beginning of tears that came to his eyes as he stared at his hands in his lap. There were so many questions just on the tip of his tongue, but none of them seemed worthy of an answer. 

It wasn’t like Jack had to ask anything, though, Ben knew what questions he had. He had been in the same boat before.

“You’ll be taken in here.” He smiled ever so slightly, “We’ll help you learn how to cope, and the great thing is that you’ll go to the same school. You’ll see the same people you’ve seen your entire life. You can even visit your parents. Or vise-versa.” 

That didn't sit right with Jack. The idea of either one of his parents being able to 'visit' him wasn't ideal. He knew that it'd mean sitting through lecture after lecture. It made him hope ever so slightly that he'd have someone there to monitor these visits so he wouldn't have to bite his tongue every once and awhile to avoid child protective services to be called. Jack wasn't looking for more trouble. He was just looking to get out of here as soon as possible so he could avoid being called some... choice words by his father. 

"Is that okay with you?" Ben asked, his head tilted ever so slightly so he could look at Jack's face. 

Jack didn't even look up from his lap as he spat the lie, "Mhm." 

**...**

It was fifteen minutes later when another man waltzed into the room. The immediate emotion Jack felt when he looked over at him was intimidation. He wanted to melt into the ground. The man was rather tall, and though there was a smile on his face he looked like he meant business. Dark skin and shaved head, with dark brown eyes. He stood tall and proud. Maybe that's what made Jack feel so scared. They were polar opposites. 

The man smiled at Ben and then looked to Jack, extending a hand. "I'm Jordan. The organizer of the Age of Revolution section. But that's all fancy talk." Even his voice was strong and had purpose. It made Jack want to listen to all he had to say, do anything he told him to do. It was an unusual feeling. "Come with me?" The fact that he asked rather than stated made Jack wonder if he had a choice. What would they do if he said no and chose to sit in Ben's office for a full day? Did he have options here?

"Sure. I'm uh, I'm Jack. By the way." Jack nodded, despite all of his questions and wonders. He stood from where he was sat, and looked to Ben. "Uhm. Thank you." 

Ben smiled once more. Bright and warm, nodding. "Don't need to thank me. Come around whenever you need help." 

Jordan lead Jack out of the office and back into the hallway that he had been eying when him and Ace had walked in. It seemed like he'd get some questions answered here. 

They went down the farthest left hall, which broke into two about halfway through. They kept left. 

"So where are we going exactly?" Jack asked, his eyes keeping forward, trying to figure out the answer to his own question. 

"To the hall that I monitor. This building is broken up into sections since we house second timers all the way back to seventeen hundreds to nineteen hundreds, so we divide it. People like me, the monitors, as the kids like to call us, make sure you all are okay. We help you cope with things because we're from the same time period-" 

"So who were you?" Jack interrupted, looking up to the side of Jordan's face. 

Jordan awkwardly chuckled, and Jack couldn't help to notice the crows feet next to his eyes. _He must smile a lot._ "That's not a question many second timers really like to answer, Jack."

And that's when Jack began to feel stupidly uneducated. He knew it wasn't like there was a handbook given to him when he first made the discovery of what was going on in his head, but he felt like there was more research he could have done. He bit his tongue and tried not to hit himself in the face over his dumb actions. 

"It's nothing personal, though. Sometimes it's just better to figure who someone is yourself." Jordan explained, his awkward smiling shifting to a more welcoming one. 

"Why's that?" Jack wondered aloud, brows pulling into a confused frown. 

"Well... I'm sure you're aware of how sudden some of your memories come?" Jack nodded when Jordan glanced to him between his words, "Most of the time- if the person who tells you who they are -knew you in your past life, it can bring back memories really fast. We've had some intense cases with that sort of stuff, so not sharing identity until someone is onto it is an unspoken rule around here." 

Jack lowered his gaze again, "Oh... sorry." 

"Don't apologize, son. There's a lot to learn around here, don't feel bad for not understanding." 

Jordan's words comforted Jack like no other father figure's had. He had the feeling that there was a connection to Jordan that he had already. The knowledge that he was from the same time period gave him some hope that in his past life he got to surround himself with people as nice as him. Jack almost laughed at the idea that he got a worse hand the second time round. 

"The doors in these halls are dorm rooms, mostly." Jordan stated as he kept leading Jack down the hall. "In them are all kids who are from this time period, and go to the same school as you." He gestured vaguely to the doors as they walked, "Two people to a room, though we allow sleepovers, as we like to call them." 

Jack looked to the doors with slight awe, wondering how many people were here that he knew. How many second timers had he come across in his high school years so far that he didn't even realize. "So... they're all in class right now?" 

Jordan nodded, "Yup. But if you're having a rough time with flashbacks you're allowed to stay for the day. The school board is pretty understanding." They walked all the way down the hall to an open room. It held benches and tables that looked old and worn in about half of it, and the rest was open. "This is our main room-mess hall mix. We hold breakfast and dinner here, and allow students to do homework and mingle here. But the library is much more popular for the hangouts." 

"Library?" Jack repeated, a little curious. 

"Mhm." Jordan hummed, "This is an old school building. Should ask your roommate to show you around when you get the chance. I can't show you it all of course, I've got some things to do while the kids are out." 

Jack felt a little disappointed by that. He wasn't sure why. There was dread that came along with having to share a room with someone tonight, who he didn't even know. He was worried that it'd be someone who was out to get him. Maybe it was the person who shot him! 

"I better get you to your room." Jordan mumbled, mostly to himself. 

Jack was lead back through the hallway again. He noted the scent of old wood and books, and the way the floorboards creaked under him and Jordan's feet. Jack let his fingers slide against the forest green wall as they walked. 

They stopped at room _027_

When the door was opened Jack first noticed the desk that was straight ahead, situated in the back of the room. It was just under a window, which had a view of the street that ran next to the school. Then he moved his gaze to the beds. The one on the right was messy and unmade. The blanket was halfway off of it and the pillow, instead of being at the head of the bed where it should have been, was up against the wall on the midpoint of the mattress. 

"I apologize on behalf of your roommate." Jordan chuckled, "I swear we've told him to neaten up each morning." 

_Him_. Jack noted. He supposed they probably didn't allow the opposite sex to room with one another. 

"Feel free to roam a bit, but don't get too lost before school gets out. The halls here get a little rowdy when everyone is coming back." Jordan nodded to himself, as if he was checking off a list in his head. 

With that Jack was left to wait. He didn't want to get lost in the building, so he settled on his bed. Eyes roaming the room as he wondered what was going to become of him. 

That's when he began to think that maybe this was all for the best. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not gonna lie 'When Will I See You Again' by Shakka has become THE song that I listen to when writing this. I'm actually planning on making a playlist for this fanfic. I'd be happy if you guys told me if you're interested in that or not. 
> 
> ALso, I've just finished watching Turn and I am wondering if any of you guys have ever heard of some hamilton turn crossover thing. I've got an idea for a fic for it, but I wanna see if there's already some stuff for it. 
> 
> Anyways, I hope you're enjoying the story, and your day/night. 
> 
> Love you all,  
> An author that has a little too much planned


	7. Violet like Blue

Jack sat in his room for a full four hours before school was out, and he heard the bustling of kids outside the window. Even then he stayed sat on his bed, fingers worrying the edge of the blanket as he got lost in thought. A subtle dread was mixing itself slowly with excitement, and his conscience was just barely able to handle it. The way his heart raced with anticipation was killing him as he waited for his roommate to stumble in after a long school day. But it took twenty minutes before the door handle budged. 

And suddenly time seemed to still. 

Jack watched the handle turn as his heart began to pick up in his ears. Adrenaline kicking in. _What are you going to say? What if it really is the person who killed you? How will you make a good impression?_ These thoughts ate away at him within the few seconds it took for the door to slowly creak open. 

He was surprised by who stepped in.

Even with the way they were looking into the hall, happily talking with someone, it was clear who it was. 

Their hair was pulled into an unruly, curly ponytail. He had a puppy-like smile and stance as he talked to whoever was in the hallway. His words, not that Jack was eavesdropping (He took Ace's words to heart), had a little bit of a french accent. It wasn't the strongest of accents, but it was just enough where you could tell that English wasn't his first language. 

When he turned around it only confirmed Jack's suspicion. 

This was Lewis. 

The presence of Jack in the room seemed to scare the poor boy, because Lewis jumped when he turned away from the door only to see another person sat on the usually unoccupied bed. Jack didn’t blame him, he would have probably screamed like a little girl had he come into something like that. 

“Ah... Hello?” Lewis squeaked, French accent leaking through clearly. Jack assumed it was because of the fear, though who was he to act professional on accents. He didn’t have one, nor did many of his friends. 

“Hi.” Jack smiled with tight lips. He wasn’t feeling too bold right now, and he didn’t really mind that it showed through his actions and words. It was the least of his worries. Right now he was just trying to survive his first day in this god forsaken building with this stupid ‘sickness’. 

He still wasn’t sure what he should call it. 

Lewis shut the door and practically _threw_ himself onto his bed, it reminded Jack a little of what he had done only a night or two before. Jack had to admire how quickly Lewis could recover from being scared by Jack's presence. It wasn't easy to gain such quick recovery time, and it made Jack wonder if Lewis had siblings back at home. Neither Jack nor Lewis gave attempt at conversation for about fifteen minutes. Which is surprising because Jack was sure had anyone else walked into a dorm room to see their roommate magically appeared they'd want to ask them questions. Apparently Lewis didn’t worry too much about Jack being some creep who snuck in here it murder him. 

Though... it wasn’t like Jack would worry about that if he were in Lewis’ shoes. 

It wasn’t until Lewis sat up and looked at Jack that he spoke up, let alone acknowledged the fact there was someone else in the room. “You’re my roommate, I presume?” 

_Such formal speech,_ Jack thought, a little drawn back by how professional Lewis sounded. “Yeah,” he nodded. 

“That’s nice. Felt lonely recently. I’m Lewis.” 

“I know-“ Jack cringed at himself (or maybe _for_ himself), “Not like that. I-" 

"Ah no, I am aware of the rumors. Go on." Lewis chuckled, but it wasn't bright like a normal chuckle. This was the chuckle situation where it was to avoid being left out of laughing. He was sad. Jack didn't like that he made his first impression be making Lewis sad. 

"I'm Uhm- I'm Jack. Jack Laurence." 

For some reason Jack could see suspicion blanket itself on Lewis' features. His neat brows went to highest and lowest points, the corner of his lips slipping down, it all looked subconscious, but Jack noticed it happen. It was so subtle, but subtle was Jack's type of thing. As soon as it came it was gone. Suddenly his expression was back to a small smile. 

"Jack." He repeated under his breath. It sounded odd coming from Lewis. There was that familiarity in it. Something in his gut flipping and changing. It was weird, and brought along a weird feeling that Jack would only be able to call butterflies. "Fits you." Lewis nodded, as if Jack needed approval. Lewis flopped back onto his bed, staring up at the ceiling. There was another silence between them. It was oddly comfortable for sitting alone with someone you just met. After like two seconds more Jack started to feel uneasy. He shifted on his bed almost every two seconds, and tapping his fingers on the wall next to the wall as he tried to think of some say to pass time. 

"So when's dinner?" 

**...**

A week passed by quicker than Jack could comprehend. Days began to blur into one, and after awhile so did drama. Jack heard a lot about the kids in this building, situations like relationships, rulers who found out they were once against one another in their life, and a lot of stuff about new second timers coming in. It was overwhelming in the most pleasant way. All of these people made Jack feel more homey than all of his forced/chosen friends made him feel. But there was still a looming anxiety in Jack's chest. He still had to deal with meeting new people and avoiding the questions of where he came from or who he was. It wasn't fun. Jack hadn't put on a mask like he used to around school and all his 'friends', but it was just enough of a cover where no one would really miss him when he got out of here. 

And he was really determined to get out of here. 

So as Jack sat at the dinner table he began to plot his exit. The fact that Lewis was sitting next to him, spewing random facts about France definitely wasn't helping Jack's desperate urge to run straight out of the door into a "normal" life. 

Yeah, it didn't seem like that'd happen anytime soon. 

Especially when Jordan gets his place at the head of the tables to make an announcement. Jack isn't too happy about what he has to say. 

Something about group therapy. It didn't seem pleasant. Jack envisioned an empty room where they all sat in a circle and talked about feelings. His nose scrunched just thinking about it.

Turns out he was wrong. They stayed in the mess hall type room, and Jordan walked around the room assigning groups. But it wasn’t like he’d keep Lewis, Jack, and Tyler away from one another. He wasn’t too strict about it, either, so Jordan simply smiled to them and walked off to assign the next group. He was efficient with his work even if some looked a little unhappy about their arrangement. Jack could see the other era’s monitors doing the same to the groups that they watched. 

For some reason Jack was still stupidly nervous to talk about feelings and shit to Tyler and Lewis. They had grown close over the past week, but opening up about his second timer issues wasn’t something he was too pleased with. He had barely admitted to himself that this was all going on, let alone admitted to _others._

Yet again, Lewis immediately began talking. He never failed to remind Jack of a puppy. Even from the first time he saw him at that cursed party. Lewis was a puppy. That was final. The way he practically bounced in his seat as he began to spew things was a little contagious. It made Jack wonder why he was so uneasy about opening up. For Pete’s sake he _lived_ with Lewis. At one point or another he’d have to tell him something about it life. Even if Jack was planning on getting out of here as soon a possible.

”I recently remembered my wife.” Lewis stated, picking at a chip of paint on the wooden table.

Tyler quirked a brow, his eyes watching Lewis with carefully set worry, “Is that so?” 

Lewis hummed and nodded. It took him a bit to speak up again, and this time around he seemed a little sad. “Yes. She was beautiful. I had a daughter too. I miss them.” 

“Sometimes it’s best not to linger on what you remember.” Tyler mumbled. 

Jack couldn’t help but begin to wonder what mess Tyler had experienced in his past life. He sounded to melancholy. There was a subtle weight that settled on all of them. Lewis sad about memories, Tyler sad about god knows what, and Jack too nervous to even bring up a word of what he’s seen go on in his own mind. It was excruciatingly quiet for a long time before Jordan walked over. He looked concerned in some odd way. It really reminded Jack that he never really had that sense of concern from his parents. It was nice in some messed up way. 

He sat down on the bench next to Tyler, who was sat alone since Jack refused to leave Lewis’ side ever since he was assigned a room. Maybe it was attachment issues, maybe it was just nerves. No one really knew. It wasn’t like anyone really cared anyways. 

“Are you boys okay?” He asked, leaning his arms on the table and slanting his torso just enough to be able to see all three of them. The look of it reminded Jack of a teacher. He sort of considered Jordan a teacher. It wasn’t like he _is_ one, but he’s here to help the kids and teach them how to cope. That’s close enough, right? 

"Yes. Just hit a hard topic." Tyler laughs awkwardly, knowing that his half lie isn't exactly believable.

It wasn't like it was Jordan's job to call them out on lies anyways, so he didn't bring it up. There was a soft parental type, worry that lingered behind the expression that was previously held on his face, though. "I get it." He nodded, lips drawing into a tight line seconds after the words passed them. 

Jack wondered how he did. Who he was. He always wondered who people were when he met them. Honestly, Jack was beginning to wonder who he was. There was no clear line that lead him anywhere closer to what he was trying to find. Over the past week all he got was more little and insignificant details of how he died. They always left him sat up in bed in a cold sweat, staring off into the distance as he waited for the sun to rise so he could go to school as if his whole life hadn't turned upside down. There was not a single string left in his mind to pull at and try and find where it lead. Only one word ever came clear with every single bit of memory he got. Alexander. It had gotten to the point where he began to question the fact that he was doubting _he_ was Alexander. Even if all the things his past mind brought up about this mystery man pointed to anything but it being him. 

Jordan let them play hookie for the rest of the night. He sent them off to do their own thing. Jack stalked off to his room, wanting to just sleep this night away. Even if he had the option of staying up until their needed 'bed time' (though even Jordan said they just have to be in their rooms by then). 

It was barely eight when he drifted off. Lewis hadn't come back to the room, but Jack didn't care. He just felt so tired. 

The way Jack slipped into dream already made his heart race. His mind knew what was coming. But this settled different. This was going to be different. 

It was so unexpected. 

When the scene finally came together he was in a tent. The air was crisp with the very beginning of fall, even with the cover around them. _Them._ He stood with two other men. One of them looked middle-aged. He stood behind his desk, sliding papers across the surface, looking for something. His hair was clearly powdered white, drawn back in a ponytail at the back of his head by a black ribbon. He glanced up at Jack with blue eyes that were almost grey. They were calm and almost parental. The man’s mouth moved, but he couldn’t hear anything his was saying. It was like listening to someone underwater. It was so muffled and felt like it was far away. It made Jack queasy. 

Then he noticed the man look to Jack’s left. Out of pure curiosity he looked to where the man was staring. And his breath was taken out of him. 

There was another figure here. Had they not been in a blue coat, and the flat chest, Jack would have assumed it was a woman. He could tell that their frame was small and almost _fragile_ looking. He couldn’t be any taller than five foot seven, but he held himself with purpose. His hands settled right on the small of his back as he stared at the man who stood at the desk. The man's hair was pulled into a low ponytail, just like the others it sat at the base of his head, tied with a ribbon. His hair was powdered, it wasn't hard to tell, but its natural shade showed through just enough to be able to tell what his natural hair would look like. He was definitely a redhead. The red-brown hue that showed in his hair was enough for Jack to almost be certain of it. The man didn't look happy. He was frowning as he spoke to the other who stood at the desk. He seemed very passionate about what he was saying, though. Like it was something really important to him. It wasn't until he met the man's blue eyes that he realized he was staring. Both of them were staring. And then the redhead left the tent, shaking his head. 

Jack only spared the other man a glance before following him out. 

That's when his senses came back to him. He could hear the other's voice as he turned to him, just out of ear's shot from the tent they were just in. 

"I cannot believe you!" He spat, and Jack couldn't tell if it was anger or just being upset. 

"I don't understand..." He mumbled, again taken back by how old he sounded. This wasn't him speaking. He wasn't controlling it. This was his past. This was something his soul lived through, that was just beginning to settle in. 

"You work so hard to gain a name in this whole operation, and then you're just going to walk away from it?" 

"I _have_ to do this!" 

"No, you don't, John!" 

_John._ The name was thrown at him like nothing else he had recalled already. Jack could feel his body, even unconscious, react to it. _John Laurens._

"I do. I have no doubt that this will bring improvement around here." He stated with certainty. John wasn't doubting himself by any means. It was admirable. "I must go lead men to fight. A black battalion. I have worked so hard for this." 

The other man looked to his feet. John leaned just enough to see tears coming to his eyes. "I know." His voice wasn't anything like it had been moments before. He was broken. Ashamed. "I know... You just have to promise me something." He looked up, and John finally got a real good look at his eyes. The blue which mixed with such dark shades they could even be _purple._ It was impossible to look away. With the perfect contrast to his hair, and how perfectly they sat in his well framed face. He was a masterpiece. Especially in John's eyes. In _Jack's_ eyes. 

"What is it?" John asked, taking a weary step forward as if he was scared of hurting the other man, or even scaring him off. 

"Come back alive, Laurens. Don't throw away any shot you get." 

Those words echoed in John's brain as he stirred in his sleep and woke up. 

He turned to see Lewis sleeping peacefully on the bed only a few feet away. It didn't serve much comfort though. John wasn't where he was supposed to be, and all he could do was cry. 

So he did. Until he fell asleep once again. And Jack dreamed of nonsense until an alarm blared to get ready for school. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I not only am writing a school computer this time around... I also wrote a majority of this in school. Like physically!! It's crazy weird, but it gives me time to write throughout the day so I can't complain. I've got so much spare time during classes. It's wearing me out, though, so I'm sorry for the times I'll be a little off schedule. 
> 
> Again, even if I am late with an update I haven't abandoned this story. It holds such a special place in my heart, and how could I leave a story in which I've planned everything out?
> 
> I hope you are all having a better time than I am. Have a fabulous night/day <3
> 
> Signed,  
> An author who needs to be more careful about burning themself out


	8. A change for a lifetime

Jack wasn't himself the entire morning. From the second he bolted up in reaction to the sound of the alarm to when Lewis sat down with him at breakfast and began to ask questions. 

He wasn't himself, but he also wasn't... 

"Why do you look so sad?" Lewis questioned, tilting his head as he popped a grape into his mouth, proceeding to speak around it, "When I came into the room last night you were sweating really bad, but I didn't want to wake you up. Was scared you'd get spooked and punch me." 

Jack shrugged, picking at his toast. "Dunno." It wasn't fully a lie. He couldn't recall everything that made him so upset. Colors, and a few words was all that was coming through. That wasn't what was getting to him so bad. It was the looming knowledge of his name. It danced in the space of his head, and teased him with ease. Jack wasn’t as much upset as he was frustrated. The syllables laid themselves out on the very top of his tongue but no matter how hard he tried he could just spit out his name. He wanted to know. It felt like _everyone_ he talked to (which didn’t include many people, but oh well) knew their past name. 

Lewis frowned, “so you don’t want to talk about it?”

”I _can’t!”_ Jack’s words were in the verge of being annoyed. He wasn’t, really. Jack just couldn’t get himself to be annoyed by Lewis. Boy, did he want to, but the boy just got attached far too quickly and knew that being rude or mad could ruin the entire friendship in which he’s been working hard to try and maintain. It was for his own sanity’s sake. Jack just sounded lost in his next words, “I don’t know what to say...” he shrugged again, “I can’t do this stuff, Lewis. I’m so confused all the time.” 

“We all are, my friend.” Lewis nodded with genuine understanding. Sympathy. It really helps Jack feel a little better to know he wasn’t the only one to be confused by all of this. Then again, he had to remind himself that professionals weren’t even sure about what’s going on. 

A sudden crash in the building removed all of the at ease air in the room. A sudden tension rose as everyone perked up with concern and somewhat fear. It was at a distance. Maybe down a hall or two. Then there was yelling. Again distance was an enemy, though none of them knew if it would have been safe to get up and go investigate what was happening. The noise only grew louder as whatever issue was occurring moved closer and closer to the mess hall. The tension building in the room was so intense, it was like every single person was collectively holding their breath in a morbid anticipation. Jack was sure you could hear a pin be dropped, he sort of wanted to test that theory.

He was about 99% sure he'd never been in a room _that_ quiet in his entire life.

It was like a gun was shot when the mess hall door swung open. Even Jordan, as strong and well put together he was, jumped a little. The collective fear was enough to make the situation so much worse than it would have been to any outside view. The two figures in the doorway even looked so concerned as they finally saw everyone in the room.

_Two figures._

Jack could put a name to one of the faces standing in doorway, Ace. The other person didn't look like anyone Jack had even seen around school before. He stood next to Ace- who had their arm around his shoulders as he struggled -had long, black hair. The boy's eyes were squinted in frustration, and his lips curled in an expression that could only be called a _snarl._ Jack felt utterly confused, yet at ease at the same time. There was something that clicked into place in that moment. Jack couldn't name what it was, but something in his mind was finally fit into the right space. Something with his past. 

That very second Jack decided he was on a mission to figure out who that boy was. Whether he was from Jack's era or not. He itched to meet him. 

It didn't seem like the boy thought the same. He was snapping words at Ace, and Jack couldn't help but feel a little pity for him. Jack knew full well that Ace wouldn't let anyone break their happy-go-lucky mask no matter what is told to them. There was no way that this teen boy would be able to get through to them. 

When Ace began to walk him forward Jack could just hear the string of curses coming from the boy's mouth. Jack almost laughed at how creative the guy was trying to get with it. As if it'd throw anyone off. It was clear that he wasn't too happy about being here. There was a little part of Jack that felt bad for him. The feeling of being forced into all of this was far too familiar, and for some reason he wanted to help this boy do the same thing he was trying to do- escape. There was a tingle in his fingertips and toes that was begging him to get up and make a move in this situation, though he knew that there was no way he'd have the right to do anything. Especially with how little he knows about what going on. 

Lewis, who looked about as uneasy as everyone else in the room, muttered to Jack, "Poor kid. Looks like he hasn't gotten the run down yet."

Jack hummed in response, though his friends words didn't even register in his mind. Jack's brain was too busy trying to make sense of all the feelings that were raging in his body all at one moment. 

All eyes in the room carefully watched Ace bring the boy to Jordan, with the most concerned face Jack has seen them wear yet. Jordan and Ace talked as the boy stood there, trying to squirm from the grip that Ace had on his arm. Jack couldn't peel his eyes off the boy. He was mesmerized by him. Even with the way he looked so upset and in distress, something was trying to make a connection in his mind. 

That's when the boy finally gave up struggling, and looked into the crowd of people in the mess hall, and met eyes with Jack. 

Within seconds his senses were on fire. Every single nerve ending in his body caught flame, and it only pushed on Jack's itching urge to go up there and save him in some way. 

There was a familiar rush in his brain. One that Jack could only now recognize as the beginning of a memory retrieval (that's what Jordan called them when he was talking one-on-one with kids). It made him feel lightheaded, dizzy, and maybe even a little euphoric. He wanted to lay in bed and let himself fall into the memory because this one seemed to _pleasing._ Jack could feel a ghost hand holding his as the comfort of empty promises rung in his ears. 

This had to be someone he knew. 

The way the other kid stared at him for this long made him suspect it even more. His brown eyes were wide with a sense of wonder. Jack had to assume that he was feeling this sudden emotion too. For a moment he had to look at Lewis through his side vision to make sure that he wasn't dreaming. Those few seconds where the gaze was held felt like years. 

Like they were being plunged into cold water that filled their lungs with an achingly pleasant end to the burning of their senses. 

It wasn't until Jordan was walking the boy away that Jack made the connection. _He lived in the same time period. He'll be in the same hallway._

_You have a chance._

Jack took a split second to decide he was going to ignore it. Even if that older voice in his head was basically begging him to take his chance here, Jack knew that any other time that voice had showed itself it only got him into trouble. And trouble wasn't what he needed if he was planning on getting out of here. So he stayed sat in his spot until Lewis decided it was time for both of them to get up and go get properly ready for school. 

Today, they had already done the decent thing of getting out of their pj’s before heading to breakfast, so they just had to grab their backpacks. The only unusual thing was the lack of conversation as they walked to their dorm. Even the hallways themselves were silent. It threw Jack off because even if Lewis was quiet for once in a lifetime, the kids passing by were never. Today, there were barely any kids in the hall. It was beginning to seem like him and Lewis were one of very few who decided that getting ready for school was more important than figuring out what happened.

When the two boys reached their dorm was when they finally began to talk again. 

And for once Jack was the one to speak up. "I feel bad for that kid." He stated in an uneasy voice, not sure that this was a topic that was okay to talk about. 

See, within only a week Jack had caught onto what to and what not to bring up in conversation with another second timer. Like, it was almost considered a sin to directly ask someone who they were in a past life, or to speak of someone in your past life by name (he found this one out because some boy was talking bad about George Washington, and a few people got upset by it). He learned that asking someone about their past life often lead to pleasant conversations that brought along a calm sense of security, but depending on who you ask, you might be stuck talking about it for hours on end... 

It was a whole thing. 

But never, _never_ did something like this ever come up. It was these moments that Jack wished there was a handbook with all of this. Just so he could pull it out of the stack of books he has and flip to a page that covered it. All of these moments felt like stepping on egg shells. He had to be very weary of what he was saying as to not upset Lewis. What made things worse was that he wasn't exactly sure on what would upset him. 

Lewis hummed as he sat at the foot of his bed, piling his school stuff he had used for homework last night into his bag, "I do too." 

"He looked scared. Do you think he's new to all of this?" 

"No." Lewis shook his head with a solemn expression. It worried Jack a little. 

"Well how do you know?" He was scared to ask it, of course, but he did. Curiosity killed the cat, as they always say. 

Lewis sighed, looking away from his bag to gaze out the window. Jack followed. He took a moment to calm down his nerves as he watched brown and orange leaves fall from the trees outside. 

"I've seen people come and go here, and the fear I saw in him wasn't new. I think he's got a bad backstory with this sort of thing." Lewis' voice was serious, and it threw Jack off. This was a side of his roommate that he hadn't seen before. 

Jack wanted to ask so much more, but the questions caught in his throat and made it go dry. His heart ached for Lewis. Jack had no doubt the kid had been through some stuff regarding this whole second timer jazz. Another part of him admired the other boy. Lewis seemed to have all of this together. He knew his name- though it wasn't like Jack would ask for it -and he knew so much about his past life. Jack sometimes wished he could talk about his life as fondly as Lewis does. But that subtle darkness behind his brown eyes keeps Jack aware that the side of Lewis he sees probably isn't as genuine as he'd like to think. 

The two end up walking to school with one another. This isn't an often occurrence since, unlike Jack, Lewis has actual friends to hang out with before class. Sure, Jack could go find his fake friends and talk with them like nothing has happened. But it wasn't like word didn't spread. Miles knew that Jack wasn't walking to school from his house anymore, and Jack was sure he knew he wasn't _living_ there now. Plus that meant his father would have news on how Jack was doing, and that wouldn't do him any good. So Jack always went straight to class. Today he didn't. 

Today Jack stood in the hallway with Lewis, who looked borderline ill. 

They sat down with their back to the wall, bags next to them right outside of their first hour- which they were lucky enough to share. The entire time they sat there Jack had to ignore the nasty glares he got for hanging out with Lewis. None of them were pleasant. They all held a sense of disgust that made Jack want to sock them in the face and tell them to get to know the kid before making judgements, but he never did. 

This morning he was too busy making sure Lewis was okay, anyways. 

"I think the kid will do alright." He muttered. 

Jack looked at Lewis with the same confused curiosity he had before, "What do you mean?" 

"He'll do alright here. I mean... you saw how Jordan looked at him. It was like he found his long lost son or something." 

Jack nodded, though it was a mocked agreement. He hadn't been watching Jordan for even one second of all of that. But Jack wasn't about to tell him that. "The kid didn't look too happy though." 

Lewis laughed, breathily, "No one ever looks too pleased when they're brought here for the first time. I mean, look at you. It took me days to finally get through your tough skin." 

Lewis was right. Jack could recall all of the ridiculous questions from Lewis as he tried to make friends with him. Jack had been so set on not giving out any information on himself that he actually forgot about it. Soon enough Lewis was like a brother to him. 

"I think I want to be that person for him." Jack admitted, "For the kid, I mean." 

Lewis' brows were pulled into a frown when he looked over to Jack. Utter confusion. 

"I think I knew him." 

Lewis hummed thoughtfully, "Why do you think that?" 

Jack laughed at his own hesitation. It sounded lost and pitiful. Maybe it was because he hadn't been so sure he'd tell anyone about the weird feeling in his chest, but here he was. The words began to spill past his lips like water, one after the other. Jack hadn't even realized he was talking, "When he was brought up to Jordan we met eyes. It wasn't like it was for long, but I felt my soul stirr or something." His hands moved with his words as he searched for how he really wanted to explain this. "It was warm... and- and my past self was telling me to talk to him." 

Jack didn't get a response from Lewis. Even when class started. He hadn't got a response the entire day, but Lewis seemed odd. Like he was concerned for Jack. The boy assumed it was because he was just going crazy. 

But Lewis knew something he didn't. Something that was going to change Jack's life for a second time. 

His world was about to be flipped upside down again. 

And Lewis wasn't sure if he should tell him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long chapter!!  
> I just couldn't cut it off like I usually do. There was too much that had to be in the same chapter, so I would have been insane if I cut it short. 
> 
> Can you guess who the mysterious new boy is???  
> I'm betting you can.
> 
> I hope you all have a comfortable day/night. You deserve it. 
> 
> Signed,  
> An author who is very excited for this story to really pick up


	9. Skip the introductions

That night, after dinner, they have group therapy again. This time it's ten times different. Jordan dismissed them to the same groups as the day before, and told them to go find something fun to do. it was more of... free time. And Jack couldn't help but laugh at the way these teenagers all began to act like preschoolers the moment they were dismissed. Immediate chaos. Bodies moving to find their groups, and others who were fortunate enough to be grouped with their friends moving to make sure they get a space where they're going. 

It didn't take any time at all for Tyler to find Jack and Lewis. The moment he was in ear's distance he suggested going to the library, and both Jack and Lewis happily agreed. So the three walked down the hall to the library. 

This had become a place Jack wasn’t too fond of. His first time brought into this room was hell. He got lost and ended up panicking as he tried to find where Lewis had disappeared. It was a whole show, and Jack ended up having to be escorted out by the librarian (who was a very nice woman, by the way). 

So the moment he got into the room- even if he planned on not letting either Tyler _or_ Lewis out of sight -he was tense. It didn’t help that Tyler seemed to immediately seem off, claiming that he just ‘felt nervous’ for no reason. 

The trio ended up finding a table near the front of the library. Lewis walked up to the desk to sweet talk the librarian into letting them use the coloring books usually for kids, and they all ended up coloring. 

Jokes were made, and within minutes the boys were laughing and being flared at for being so loud in a library of all places. They didn’t care, though. Because these were the few moments when they were happy to be a second timer. When it really settled in their chests that if they hadn’t been part of this controversial group they would have never found one another. This was the bit of beauty that came out of all this suffering and pain. 

In the middle of a very stupid, and long story that Tyler was telling about debate club at school, a familiar warmth spread on Jack’s back. He had been facing away from the fort this whole time, but it had never felt like this. He felt like someone was _staring_ at him. That almost burning sensation of eyes began to spread from the middle of his back to his head, where his messy, awkward length hair sat in an unruly mess at the base of his neck. It made him squirm and shift in discomfort before he turned to try and see what was causing him to feel so off. 

And there he was. 

The kid was back standing next Ace again- who was making small talk with the librarian. He looked better than he did earlier, a little more _put together._ His clothes had been changed, and now he wore a hoodie and and jeans, and his hair was pulled into a neat ponytail (minus the stray hairs that even Jack could understand never wanted to stay in the band). He looked like an entire different kid. Except for the expression. He wore the same irritated expression he had during the morning. It was basically a scowl, and to be honest, it put Jack a little on edge. 

He could almost feel a sweat begin to bead on the back of his neck, beginning to slip down to the collar of his shirt. Jack wanted to get up and confront him, ask him directly why he was staring ‘cause it was making him so uncomfortable. 

That was when Tyler broke the weird sort of silence that had settled between the trio when the mystery boy had walked into the room. 

“I think they’re trying to get him to participate in some group activities.” Tyler almost _spat._ Jack hoped it was just because of Tyler’s ‘weird mood’. Though he hated assuming. 

Jack shrugged, “Maybe.” 

It had taken a lot of will power to peel his gaze from the other boy. The feeling of being watched resumed the moment his head was turned again. Jack’s eyes became nervous as he looked between Lewis and Tyler, trying to see if they were as uncomfortable as he was in this situation. They weren’t. 

“God. I hope he doesn’t get put with us. That kids give me the creeps...” Tyler shuddered, nose scrunching with the action. “He reminds me of some sob-story kid that we’re going to have to endure.” 

And suddenly the flame in Jack’s veins was back. The one that showed the verge of shifting into that hot-headed, rebellious old man who shared his soul- the one who he couldn’t remember the name of.

But somehow he could so clearly hear the name Alexander in his mind. It practically _echoed_ in his mind as he felt the rush of sudden anger in his chest. He sat up straight and let his brows furrowed as he stared at Tyler with disbelief. 

“And who are you to assume that?” Jack asked, reminding him of his own mother. He wasn’t proud of it, but he couldn’t help it. Yet again he was just sitting in the back of his own mind. All he could do was stare blankly out the windows that were his eyes. But they weren’t his own. 

Immediately Tyler’s hands went up in defense as if he thought Jack would punch him. He had to remind himself that Tyler didn’t know any better. From what he knew, Tyler probably assumed that Jack was violent. Though he was far from. 

“Take a chill pill. Jesus.” Tyler muttered under his breath, which only spurred Jack on more. 

He scoffed, shaking his head with a disappointment he wasn’t even sure why he was experiencing. For some odd reason Tyler’s mocking of the boy just wasn’t sitting right. There was an aching feeling- that the only word Jack could put to was _parental_ -in his chest. It slipped in his senses and set his fingertips on fire. He wanted to curse Tyler out for no apparent reason. Like he knew this poor new kid. It wasn’t right. At least, it wasn’t right to Jack... 

That weird voice in his head was begging him to just make a stand. Because even if Jack was so confused, whoever it was (god forbid Jack can remember a name...) had a strong, good feeling about this boy. 

“You’re telling me to chill?” He scowled, shaking his head again, “I cannot believe you sometimes.” 

At that Tyler frowns, it’s more confusion than anything else. John can tell by the searching look in his eyes. 

Had John not been totally overcome with an anger that wasn’t his, he would have felt bad. 

“I think I’m gonna go get a book to read...” Tyler mumbled, standing from the table and leaving. 

And with his exit he took John’s unexplainable rage. 

So the curious boy began to wonder if he had ever had connections with Tyler in his past life...

See, Jack was just beginning to understand these weird sensations he got when he went near someone he thinks he knew. Like with Lewis. There’s this fondness that he has no clue where it came from. It’s comforting and warm. And honestly, he just wants to hug the boy. Then there’s more tense feelings. Like with Jordan. Jack feels the need to be all proper and sophisticated and shit when he’s around. 

Lewis says he knows who Jordan is. Jack has asked him- no, _begged him_ to spill the name, but he refuses to. 

Anyways, that’s all that Jack has managed to understand until now. 

Now. There was this familiar _longing_ for someone he doesn’t even know the name of yet, and an anger at one of his closest friends so far. Though, come to think of it, Tyler isn’t even a close to Lewis on the whole ‘friend list’. 

Lewis and Jack spend about four minutes coloring again. In silence. Before yet another distraction comes into play. 

Just on the outskirts of the shelves of books Tyler stands face to face with that mystery boy. 

Neither of them look happy. 

And luckily, the other two boys are sat just close enough to hear what they’re bickering about. 

“I _knew it!_ ” The voice that was too much of Tyler to mistake it for anyone else. He spoke with a weird sort of accent. Jack wasn’t sure what it was, but he could tell Tyler probably wasn’t from around here. It sounded like a mix of southern and New-York all at once. It made him sound a little silly. 

The other voice hushed, brows furrowed with focus and a sense of dismissal, “You’re just gonna go round spreading my name now, aren’t you?” 

“Do you really think _that_ low of me?” Tyler laughed mockingly. He wanted to cause problems. “After all I had done for you?” 

“You didn’t do anything for me!” The boy spat, bouncing on his heels to try and get in Tyler’s face and make up for the height difference. “I’ve done my research! You got rid of everything I made! Destroyed all of my hard work and long nights!” He huffed, finally getting out of Tyler’s face and taking a step away. “How do you think I’m going to forgive you? No matter what gave you have. I hate your guts.” 

Tyler laughed again. This time he threw his head back with it. As he made kissy lips he responded, “Are you _sure_ you hate me, Alexander?” 

That seemed like the snapping point for the boy. He swung at Tyler, who swiftly avoided getting punched in the face. 

But Jack was only a shell as he watched Jordan break them up. His green eyes were wide, and he could feel his pulse in every single one of his limbs. It beat hard and loud in his ears, the sound of rushing blood mixing with it and drowning out Lewis’ concerned words. A rush of hope. Clarity, even. 

Alexander. 

That name rung on his heart with a hollow emotion that he couldn’t put his finger on.

But with hope comes doubt.

And the doubt hit Jack in seconds. Immediately the feeling of seeing light and reaching out for it diminished. Replaced by fear and apprehension. 

_That’s not your Alexander._

His mind whispered. 

_He hates you anyways._

Jack had what could only described as a physical reaction to that thought. He squirmed with discomfort and scrunched his eyes tight. He shook his head, and pulled his arm away when Lewis tried to place a hand on his shoulder. Though Jack was sure that it was more of a motion to comfort Lewis more than it was to comfort him. That's when Lewis' words finally made it through the wall Jack's mind had built in mere seconds. 

"It's probably nothing anyways." 

Jack wanted to scoff. He wanted to be as disgusted with Lewis' words as he was with Tyler's. But instead he started to cry. 

And the rest was like a blur. 

**...**

Jack didn't come back to his senses until he was sitting up in bed, legs pulled to his chest as he watched Lewis do homework as some french song played. It was a nice way to unwind after everything that happened. Even if Jack wasn't exactly calm. The strong voice of Stromae laced itself in the air of the dorm, Lewis' voice coming through softly with it. He hadn't expected the other boy to have a nice voice. Of course, no offense to Lewis, but Jack had never once in this whole week heard the boy's talking voice and expected something so well supported and clear to come out while singing. But here they were. 

Jack wasn't only mesmerized by Lewis' voice, no he was also stuck watching the thoughtful strokes of his pencil. It made him think of calligraphy. Every single mark on the paper had a purpose, and it put Jack's 'neat' note pages to shame. He was positive that Lewis had never had an issue with a teacher who wasn't able to read his handwriting in his entire life. 

"Why do you love france so much?" He asked, the question just slipping past his lips and surprising even him. 

"Ah, mon amie. France is the most beautiful thing you will ever see." His french accent showed through so much, it took Jack by surprise. "The beautiful women in their dresses- prettier than the Americans!" He made a hand motion to mimic a dress then took a moment to sing softly to the song before going on. Jack stayed quiet the whole time. “Ça me manque.” he sighed, falling back on his bed with a thump. 

_(I miss it.)_

Jack had never taken a french class in his entire life, yet somehow he just knew that the sigh that just left Lewis' mouth was one of longing. Maybe it was just the way he delivered it, but the words (even if he didn't understand them) made Jack feel a little sad for the boy. 

He wanted to know more, and it was like Lewis knew. Because he just kept going. 

"It was beautiful, oui. But nothing like America back then." He sighed with pure _longing._ Jack recognized that in this moment he wasn't talking with Lewis- he was talking to whoever he had been way back when. It was a beautiful sight to him. “J'ai rencontré les gens les plus incroyables là-bas.” Lewis smiled. It was genuine and warm. Jack couldn’t help but smile too. It was contagious.

_(I met the most incredible people there.)_

”Have you always been this open?” Jack asked, his words longing with a sort of envy. He wished he knew who he was so well that he could be this sure about sharing his past. Even if the other person didn’t understand it...

Lewis shrugged the best he could for lying down. 

And that had been the end of he conversation. The two finished up homework and went to bed without another word. Though music still softly played when they both fell asleep. 

And for once neither of them woke up in a cold sweat, but then again, nightmares don’t always end that way. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHHHHHHHHHHH you guys, this was so much fun to write!!  
> I got a lot of this done during school because I only have the attention span for fanficiton writing. 
> 
> By any miracle chance one of my teachers finds this.... whoops.
> 
> Have an amazing day/night. Take it for yourself. You've worked hard, I'm proud of you.
> 
> Love,  
> An author who is sincerely sorry for how horrible I am


	10. That mystery boy

Saturdays were beginning to become Jack's favorite day of the week. Before, it had been Fridays. They had been his favorite because the sweet end of the school week, and the freedom of his ability to stay up late finally after going to bed at an early time for school. But now, Saturdays were taking his heart. They were always lax days around the dorm building. Breakfast wasn't at a certain time, and other than dinner and any other plans after that, there was nothing that was _required_ throughout the entire day. 

So today he woke up in a good mood. 

He wasn't able to remember his dream- which some would see as bad, but it meant he couldn't recall any nightmares if he had one -and he woke up before Lewis. Which means he doesn't need to spew out some cheesy good morning speech and talk about his dream. It meant he could do exactly what he wanted to do. 

Jack got out of his bed, running a hand through his hair. 

It had been almost a month since he had gotten a haircut. Jack wasn't sure if they did haircuts around here... 

So many people, even the guys, had long hair. There were a handful of people who did keep up short hair... but he was sure that they were cutting it themself. 

It wasn't like Jack wanted a haircut. Since he was little, he had begged his mom to let him grow it out (of course she said no). It was unusual to feel the curls lying on his neck. His hair had just reached the base of his neck, but the front was still shorter. If he knew any better he'd call it a mullet, but that wasn't exactly what it was. He liked the longer hair, though, and within the moment he glanced in the mirror that hung on the wall he decided he'd grow it out fully. 

So Jack threw on a T-shirt and got out of the dorm room before Lewis even stirred in his sleep. 

He had the original plan to go grab something for breakfast, but when he found a ten dollar bill in his pocket, he decided he'd go off to get coffee. Even if he wasn't sure he was allowed to leave campus, the coffee was worth it. There was this little cafè not too far from the school that Jack always went to with his old friends before he had this whole life changing experience. 

What Jack hadn't been expecting was seeing someone else awake at this ungodly hour. 

That mystery boy was sat in the grass outside the building, a book settled in his lap as he sat criss-cross. 

Immediately Jack's mind pushed him. 

He walked over. 

"Good morning!" He practically sung, trying not to laugh when the boy jumped a little, and looked up to him from where he was sat. The boy's brown eyes were a little wide and his lips parted in the smallest gasp of being startled. His brown-black hair was in the messiest ponytail Jack had ever witnessed. His (bangs?) hair was sitting in his face, the strands just too short to be able to sit in the ponytail, it framed his face. This was when Jack noticed the stubble on his chin. It made him look older than he was... probably. Jack hadn't heard any information on this kid. He truly was a mystery. 

The boy's brow raised, and a bemused smile pulled his lips, "Why're you awake so early?" 

Jack shrugged, "Just am. Couldn't sleep in anymore." His words came easy to him in this situation. There wasn't that lingering fear he'd say something that was weird or wrong. "Why're _you_ awake this early?"

He shrugged back. The boy's expression became stone cold. Jack assumed he just didn't want to share anything more... personal. 

"I'm Jack." He smiled, sitting down in the grass next to the boy. 

He chuckled, "I didn't ask." 

For a moment Jack couldn't tell if he was serious or not. Years and years upon of being mind played made social cues like this difficult for Jack. And it seemed like the boy noticed how Jack’s mouth turned down ever so slightly, and his brows pulled closer because he spoke up again. “I’m Alex. But I’ll practically respond to anything so don’t even bother trying to remember my name.” Alex’s voice sounded a little stern. Jack wasn’t sure where it came from, but he wasn’t going to bring it up. 

"Well that sounds a little harsh..." Jack mumbled through a forced laugh. 

Alex shrugged and looked to his book in a small attempt to ignore the other boy. "It's like that when no one cares." Alex's voice was light and quiet. He was annoyed, and it showed. Even Jack could tell- it wasn't hard to. The way Alex's lips pulled into a tight line, and how his fingers tapped the side of the book he was holding. He didn't want to be talking with Jack. At least... not right now. 

Jack lightly sighed, tilting his head with confusion, "What makes you think that?" 

Alex scoffed, "Well no one moves to help when I look so distressed. Or even ask my name. The only person who has even bothered to talk to me once was that Tyler kid, and even then it was because he knew he did me wrong in my past. No one here gives a crap who I am, but it's not like I care either." He shrugged, not bothering to look up from his book. 

For some reason, a heat found its way into Jack's veins. It filled his limbs, and for once that anger and urge to fight was _his._ It wasn't that guy in his head. This was Jack. Genuine and true. He wasn't mad... he was irritated. The fact that Alex hadn't even tired to give someone a chance. Jack hadn't seen Alex give anyone a chance- not even Jordan. It peeved him to think someone could make such extreme assumptions about his _family._ Because that they were even if Jack didn't want to admit it. They were the most accepting people Jack have met in entire life. He had been beginning to rethink how much he wanted to run off. These people were worming themselves into his heart, and to think that Alex was giving them less of a chance than he had in the start was killing him. 

Jack wanted to leave without another word, but his urge to spit back insults got the best of him before he could press his lips tight and walk off. "Well you'd actually have a nice time here if you didn't assume we are like whatever other house you were living in before. Because no one here is out to get you. So stop acting like the victim." Though the words tasted bitter on his tongue, Jack knew it was what he needed to say. There was nothing else he could say in the situation. This was it. 

That's when he left. Not even glancing back to see how Alex reacted. 

But the whole walk off to the cafè his mind wasn't there. His conscience had been left behind on the lawn, settled net to the mystery boy, watching him read contently. Wondering what his past was- what his future might hold. 

And John hoped he'd be in it. 

So desperately. 

There was a connection that his old soul could recognize, but his new mind couldn't pinpoint. Whether old or new... there was no doubt that he was meant to meet Alex. And that definite bit of fate was itching to make its appearance. It wanted to lay itself right in front of them, and play out in moments that would last them the rest of their lifetimes... and maybe even another one after that. 

There was part of this teen boy's soul that knew something his brain didn't. 

Because all his mind knew was that Alex had been through a lot more than the eye could see. He knew for a fact that no one who had a fortunate life talked like that. 

And it made him want to dash back and sit down and talk. Apologize for what he said.

His soul, however, told a different story. 

There wasn't time to dig deep into that because he was standing at the doors of the cafè, staring intensely at the logo on the door. 

He snapped out of it before he walked inside. 

**...**

The walk back was a lot less deep. Jack was engulfed in the joyus chai latte that was nestled in his ever-so-slightly chilly hands (it never got real cold, but the mornings could be considered chilly). The boy didn't even realize he was back onto the school grounds until his eyes lifted to see the dewy grass of the lawn. Kids scattered across the browning grass. But his eyes focused on one person in particular. A boy who was now settled under an orange-leafed tree, and a book settled on his crossed legs. Jack focused on the way his hair fell over his eyes, and his brows furrowed with the emotion of what he was reading. 

And then he saw his eyes. 

The brown that held stories upon stories. The ones that had so much hiding behind the ambitious yet broken down persona that has been laid over the usual personality. 

Jack realized that he wanted to break down that wall. He wanted to take it apart brick by brick until he saw what was oh so carefully hidden behind it. Jack wanted to undo the years and years of bad build up, replace them with new memories. 

But there wasn't time for that. Because he was staring, and Alex probably thought he was a creep. So Jack walked back inside, shooting a smile at Ben through his propped open office door, and heading off through the halls to his dorm room. Feeling glad that Lewis was sitting up in his bed so he wouldn't have to be careful about waking him. 

"Bonjour, mon amie!" He practically sang. "Why're you up so early? Usually I must wake you." 

Jack shrugged in a weak attempt to blow off the question, as if it had settled on his shoulders in a heavy blanket. 

"Hey... can I talk to you about something?" 

"Of course, what's going on?" 

"Well. I think I have met someone important." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be continued...
> 
> I've got some news. I am (for reasons I'd rather not share) able to be on AO3 on my phone. So updates will be sparse because I need to get on the computer to write. I'm sorry the production of this fanfic will slow down. I feel really bad. 
> 
> But! If you want contact me, or just make a friend (I'm lonely right now) my User on Insta, Tumblr, and tik tok is Sleepynerd.cos  
> (I'd love to make a pen pal)
> 
> Well.  
> I hope you all have an extravagant night/day!!
> 
> Sending virtual love and hugs,  
> An author who is currently pretty sad


	11. Oh how the turn tables

"What do you mean?" Lewis asked, his head tilting in an innocent questioning, though his eyes held concern that Jack hadn't seen before. It worried him. 

Jack shifted uncomfortably, shutting the door behind him and settling at the foot of his bed. "I see this person, and- and I feel this weird warm and fuzzy feeling. And I don't know why, but I want to get to know them even if they don't seem like they want me in their life." 

Lewis laughed, "Mon amie. I think you're experiencing love." 

Jack scrunched his nose, shaking his head. "Ew, god no." Some part of him hoped that Lewis didn't immediately assume he was talking about a girl. That was really the last test that the second timers had to pass to really become Jack's new family. They had to support him as a person. 

"I don't know," Lewis sighed, "From what you're saying I really think you're in love." He shifted from sitting in his bed to lying down, facing Jack, his chin in his hands. 

Jack scoffed as he set his chai latte down on the desk in the room so he could take off the sweatshirt he definitely wouldn’t need later in the day. “And how would you know, oh wise one?” 

Lewis chuckled as if Jack should have understood. It made Jack feel a little stupid. “I think you forget that I was fortunate enough in my past life to find love.” 

Then it hit Jack. Lewis was a father in the past. A husband. He had a family. He was in love. It was a crushing realization, one that made Jack feel the slightest bit of jealousy. Wishing he had been as fortunate (as Lewis had worded it). At least from what he could recall at this moment- he was young when he passed. And there must have been slightest to almost zero chance of him actually being lucky enough to find someone like Lewis had. 

“I didn’t even think about that...” he admitted in a small voice. Almost sounding ashamed.

Lewis waved a hand and shook his head, “Don’t worry yourself, my friend.” 

There was a silence that settled between them for a moment as they both let Jack's realization really set in. It was a comfortable silence that Jack didn't mind. He didn't awkwardly shift or anything, he merely sat on the foot of his bed, thinking about what was settling in the air between them. 

By the time they talked again, Jack had finished his latte and had begun working on previously discarded homework. 

“Vous savez, l'amour n'est pas si mauvais...” Lewis sighed.  
(You know, love isn’t so bad)

And for some reason... Jack understood. The way it translated in his head was yet again not his voice. He assumed he’d have to get used to having that unusual older voice in his head- the one that spoke reason and spurred him on when even the slightest bit of anger managed to work its way into his head. But that took time. Jack wasn’t going to get used to it anytime soon, so he allowed himself to draw a surprised expression before he responded. “You think so?” He scoffed, shaking his head. 

Lewis nodded enthusiastically, like he didn’t understand Jack’s sarcasm.

It hurt him a little to let his next words slip. He chuckled, “Lewis, buddy. I don’t think the way this kid draws me in is a romantic way.” Jack shifted on his bed, pulling his feet in to sit cross legged. “I want to punch him. To be honest.” 

“How do you know that? You just met him.” 

Lewis had a point. One that Jack couldn’t argue with. For a second he really debated going back outside, apologizing, and actually going with his other pushing feeling to just be friends with Alex. Though... he was sure his urge to punch him would be fulfilled much faster than the latter.

”I knew him.” Jack muttered. Sounding a little ashamed. Even he wasn’t sure why. “I know I did. But the thing is- I’m not sure if I hurt him. Or if he hurt me.” 

Lewis frowned. It was almost parental. Jack let himself find a bit of comfort in the expression. “I can help you...” 

Jack laughed, “I’m not sure I want help.” He paused and thought about his words before his face flushed and his hands went up in a defensive manner. “No offense! I didn’t mean it like that!” 

Lewis was the one to laugh now. It was breathy and just a beautiful sight. Jack couldn’t let himself feel so concerned anymore. 

“Mon amie! I know what you meant." He laughed, his head tilting back ever so slightly with the action. Again, it was mesmerizing in some odd way. 

Jack had thought that about Lewis since the beginning- when he saw him at that stupid party. The way the boy just didn't hold back, but knew just when to be serious or when to joke... how his eyes were such a dark brown they looked almost black, but they seemed so warm and welcoming. His hair. Ugh. Jack adored his hair. He wished he could look that- well... perfect. 

There was just something that Lewis knew that no one else did. Some sacred secret about social interaction or something. Jack wished it was true because he wanted to be able to keep conversation as easy going and sweet as Lewis did. 

But alas, here he was sat on the bed of a dorm room- dingy and plain -trying to rid himself of the lingering embarrassment that was so content in his limbs and his red face. 

Thankfully, Lewis was the one to save the conversation. 

Such a perfect boy. 

He hummed thoughtfully, "I think that you have found someone important to you. Someone good." 

"Have you met someone like this? Like your wife? Is she..." Jack moved his hands in the air in front of him to make up for the fact he couldn't find the word he needed. 

"Here?" Lewis asked. Jack nodded. "It might sound a little selfish, but I hope she isn't. I loved that woman dearly. She doesn't need to be here for unfinished business. Jack, that woman doesn't deserve to be put through another life for my sake. I don't think she'd be very fond of me this time around anyways..." 

Jack frowned. After all of this talk about his wife, Jack thought that maybe Lewis had hope that he’d finally see his wife again. “Why’s that?” He asked, curious, but careful about it. He had learned that curiosity wasn’t always the best with second timers. He often found himself getting dismissive looks after a question, or a scoff that wasn’t meant to be playful. 

Then Lewis did something that Jack hadn’t expected. He laughed. That perfectly stupid laugh. The one that brought a light over his face that Jack couldn’t help but adore. He also couldn’t help but wonder why Lewis was laughing as if what he asked was funny. 

“My friend,” he smiled, shaking his head with an amusement that Jack hadn’t seen him have before. “I am afraid I’m not into women. She would probably be greatly disappointed.” 

Suddenly Jack’s stomach dropped, and his palms began to sweat. Jack began to wonder if he had seen Lewis differently only moments ago- when he didn’t know this information. He was sure that he had. He wasn’t as disgusted as he was when he first tried to say those words about himself, though. But then again, anything is different when it’s not you. That’s just how human sympathy works. 

Apparently the face he made was enough to gauge what he was thinking, though, because Lewis immediately look concerned. Scared might had even been the right word. Like he was worried that he just made the biggest mistake of his life by letting those words pass his lips. “Does that upset you?” He asked in the most unsure tone that Jack has ever heard anyone speak in. It didn’t fit the perfect image he had seen of Tyler. 

So Jack lied. 

“No.” That part was the lie, but the rest was a sick truth, “Just don’t know how someone can say something like that so casually. Like… isn’t coming out always some extravagant story?” 

“Doesn’t always have to be.” 

The conversation changed topics right after that. The boy sended up really enjoying a night to themselves. Managing to go from such a serious topic that could be life changing to joking around and pushing dares onto one another that were simply ridiculous. 

Dares that Jack hadn’t expected Lewis to keep up on (Mostly because he didn't want to have to keep up his side of it). 

But here they were, placed at the dining hall table. They were in their usual spot so Tyler could join them. 

Jack had no way to describe the almost evil smirk that Lewis got when he saw the bushy-haired boy walking up to where he and Jack sat. 

Both of them knew that that moment would be one placed in a list of stories they’d tell their own children and loved ones. 

Lewis standing up, a little origami box clutched behind his back. Tyler looked utterly confused, an amused smile pulling at his entire face. That’s how Tyler smiled. It wasn’t only his mouth that got in on the movement, the expression pulled at his eyes and cheeks. There was no possible way that boy could fake a smile and make it look genuine. 

“Tyler,” Lewis began, “We’ve known each other for…” he hesitated, and from where he was sitting Jack could see Lewis’ fingers move against the box as he did his mental math. It was a comical sight. “Three years now.” 

“Uh-huh…” Tyler mused in an open mouth hum. 

“And I was wondering if… you’d…” Lewis got to one knee and opened the poorly made box to reveal the play dough ring that he and Jack had made the night before (they had stolen the play dough from the bin of art supplies the building had, but no one needed to know that). “Fake marry me?” when he tried to pick up the ring it broke apart, clearly not having enough time to dry and solidify. 

Tyler laughed. His head was thrown back with the action. “Lewis, I’m afraid I have to decline.” 

Lewis frowned, letting the box fall to the ground with a pathetic thud. “And why is that?” 

Tyler looked at Jack with a quirked brow, finding Lewis’ acting as entertaining as Jack was. He turned back to the boy who was still knelt on the ground, “My significant other wouldn't appreciate it that much. Even if our marriage would be fake.” 

Both Lewis and Jack shared a shocked look. It wasn’t the fact that Tyler was dismissing them, no, it was the fact that Tyler had someone back home.

And they couldn’t get any information on it. 

They spent the rest of dinner interrogating Tyler in an attempt to get any sort of information they could. But Tyler was good, he had experience keeping information away from others, so this was a piece of cake for him. He kept his smile pressed onto his sharp jaw, and his eyes sweetly covered by a mask that wasn’t him. Jack had to admire the effort he put into keeping his personal life a secret. It seemed like neither he nor Lewis could get past the thick skin he had laid on himself. The one which pushed him away from the other kids in the dorm rooms, the one that put such a space between him and Lewis and Jack. 

The one that made him snap at Alex, who seemed to know something that they all didn’t. 

Speaking of the devil, Alex walked by with a confused expression. He spared Jack a glance before he looked between Tyler and Lewis. “What in heaven’s name are you two doing?” There was the smallest start of a laugh there- Jack could hear it. It was just ever so slightly there, but Jack seemed to pay too much attention to the little things. Always. 

“Well,” Tyler began, putting on his annoyed, southern voice, “I was just declining a fake wedding proposal.” 

For a second the two stared at one another with a tension that Jack didn’t understand. He tried to connect it to something he had seen before because there was the smallest blip of something that was trying to push itself to the front of his mind, but he just couldn’t fully remember what it was. Their eyes stared daggers at one another. It was as if they were really thinking about actually stabbing one another. Jack made the move of shifting his fork and knife away from them (convincing himself that a spoon wouldn’t do too much damage). 

“Ah. I see.” Alex nodded then looked to Lewis again. And then Jack saw it. He saw Alex lose the tension that had pulled into his body when he looked at Tyler. This was something that Jack could recognize. 

He could name the way that Alex’s eyes immediately gained a fond gleam. One Jack knew that he got when he looked at Alex. It was the look of a friend who thought they lost one another a long time ago. It was the look of a soldier seeing that his comrade was alive after a tough battle. 

The realization hit Jack like a bunch of rocks. 

Especially when he heard Alex talk to Lewis. 

They knew each other. 

And this time around, Jack was sure that they had been close friends. 

Suddenly Jack began to wonder if he had done Alex any good in their past life. The boy was starting to think he hadn’t, and he wanted to give it all up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyyyyyyy!!!!
> 
> I'll be going back and editing the past chapters now, so the chapter coming up might take a bit. Sorry about that.   
> It’s been a hot minute. This chapter is a little bit of a train wreck. I apologize for that one. I’ve got so much planned, and so little time. I'm manic writing today, I think the snow (yes. Snow. In October. It's sad.) put me in a chill enough mood to write. Even if I just failed a history test and wanna cry XD
> 
> I’m trying to get this whole thing written so I can upload regularly and actually know how long it’ll be. (I've got 63 pages on google docs!!!)
> 
> Also thinking about a sequel???  
> Who knows. I've got plans for if I wrote one. Guess we'll just have to wait and see how you guys like my ending ;)
> 
> Love you all. Take care of yourself!! 
> 
> Love,  
> An author who is absolutely insane
> 
> P.S. I just started watching Umbrella Academy (and I binged it and am almost done with season two already) and I was wondering if any of you know of any good non-smutty fanfics. I need some fan content for this fandom, it's so great.


	12. Doors always open

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: There are mentions of suicidal tendencies and thoughts in this chapter!! Viewer discretion is advised. Stay safe.

Alex ended up sitting down with Lewis, Tyler, and Jack. This time around he wasn’t as hard headed and closed off as he had been showing himself to others. It was like you could almost see the wall over his true self begin to be chipped at. Even if this small step only felt like one brick out of the thousand that made up this high and thick social wall, Jack couldn’t help but feel a bit of pride in it. With the rising amount of inside jokes they were gaining and all of the nasty glares they got from not only the other 1700’s-1800’s kids, but also the others at the other, foreign tables, the feeling of success only grew. The addictiveness of this feeling was beginning to worm its way into Jack’s system and almost become an obsession. 

It was fond smile after fond smile. Joke after joke. In the mix there was even some talk of their past lives, which made Jack almost positive they had all known one another at some point in their past life. The connection between them- once they got past the whole ‘Alex and Tyler aren’t too fond of one another’- was so clear. It was like if you looked closely you could see the web begin to form within the small group of four. 

Yes, there was a mini food fight between the boys. 

How it started was close to a mystery, but the scene itself was enough to get the entire table’s attention. 

Including Jordan. 

The man was fondly watching the boys converse and grow close. See, Jordan had always promised his wife, Marissa, that he would find the few that they had considered family a full two hundred years ago. The task had been proving itself to be difficult. Second life is often not as forgiving as the first. Many times there were late nights where empty promises were made, much like how many see the concept of reincarnation, Jordan and Marissa had put the idea of finding their past family in the place of a proper comfort idea. 

As he sat at his spot at the head of the table, peering down the old wood, his brown eyes focused on the small ruckus that was formed at the foot of the place, he felt it. That warmth of knowing that this is who he had been looking for. There was always doubt there, yes, but Jordan had seen these goofy boys before. He had seen the playful banter and fake fighting. And he could put a name to each of the four as clear as day. It was just a matter of making sure he was right. 

“Okay kids!” An organizer bellowed in the front of the room, catching everyone’s attention. “Today’s activity is going to be some group work! Your time period monitor will group you up, and it’s your job to keep conversation going!” 

The group of the four boys all felt the surge of anxiousness that laid itself on the table. 

_The monitor gets to choose the groups._

It was as bad as seeing the teacher pick up the cup with the sticks of names. It was worse than getting to the peak of the roller coaster, staring down your fate as you can feel your stomach drop and run into your gut. 

This fear was of an old soul. Three of the four teen boys who sat at the end of the table were comparing it to the adrenaline rush you get before storming into war. The third could only compare it to the feeling you get when you go to speak in front of a group without any preparation. 

Four sets of eyes looked between themselves. Making sure that the other three were feeling as much dread as they were. 

Today, they were asked by Jordan to get into some sort of huddle. When Alex, Jack, Lewis, and Tyler stood up, they all made some unspoken agreement to try and stay by one another’s side. 

And that’s exactly what they got. 

Jordan even caught onto their contagious smiles as he explained what they were going to do today in groups, “Our time period was told to take over the library. We want you all to space out a little group-wise so if there is any deep conversation you don’t need to feel worried about anyone else eavesdropping.” He looked from kid to kid. Taking inthe different vibes and faces. Every single one of them had a connection with the man, and it was beautiful. “Like you’ve been told before. Just keep conversation going. No need to talk about anything you don’t want… and _don’t_ force anyone to share anything they don’t want to.” He looked to a boy who shrugged with a sincere yet sheepish smile. “I’ll be checking in with groups until it’s time to hit the hay. Okay… break!” 

With that last word the eight groups of the revolutionary kids began their way to the library. All of them walking at their own pace, some of them already excitedly talking amongst themselves. 

Suddenly Jack felt that familiarity of home again. Like he found his people. Apparently Lewis felt it too, or maybe just saw the way his eyes teared up a little at the idea of people caring so much about him, because he put a hand on his shoulder. A soft smile was shared between them before Tyler was complaining about the squeak of the library entrance and they all began to laugh. 

In the library they found the corner that was stocked with bean bags, each one of them grabbing one of a different color and falling into them with a satisfying crunch. 

The conversation started.

Jack was still laughing at all of Tyler’s complaining when he sat down in his green bean bag, “You guys scare me.” 

“I’m just saying if they’ve got the money to keep up all of the grass and stuff, makin’ it look all nice and neat, they could _at least_ make sure the doors don’t earrape you every time you have to go into a new room!” Tyler put his hands up in half defense and the other half was just to make it easier to fall back onto his purple bean bag. 

Alex was the only one who sat down instead of flinging himself, “I told you! It’s all about money management! They can’t put the money into doors if they want the kids to be able to live here and actually survive!” 

“You’re ridiculous!” Tyler cackled, “Can you not take humor or something? Still got that stick up your-” 

“ _Tyler_!” Jack laughed, sitting up a little to get a view of the three other boys. 

Lewis was sat with crossed legs on a yellow bean bag, wringing his hands and looking a little out of it. Tyler followed his gaze and sighed. 

“We might as well get something productive done… right?” He awkwardly chuckled. See, this was the interesting thing about second timers. It was so easy to talk about past life when it wasn’t serious. When you were sitting in your room with a friend, doing mindless homework… that was easy. The hard part was when you were expected to talk about the past- the things that many people didn’t want to remember. 

Being unable to pick and choose what your mind bring snack makes many feel useless. It’s like reaching to the surface of the water once your lungs have already filled with water. Drowning. 

Alex shrugged, “I guess so.” There was a knowing look shared between him and Tyler. Only reminding Lewis and Jack of the fact that they know one another on a level that Jack and Lewis couldn’t understand. 

“Uhm.” Jack cleared his throat, suddenly feeling uncomfortable in this situation. “What’s been up with you guys?” 

There was a sudden tension when Jack met Lewis’ eyes. It was a sudden plea for forgiveness, which Jack knew was showing that Lewis was about to do something Jack wouldn’t like. 

Jack couldn’t help the father-like look he gave Lewis. He didn’t want to have to explain himself, or have to deal with the consequences of his own friends actions. Btt here they were, having something along the lines of a staring contest, in hopes of stopping one another's actions. It was a battle lost by Jack. 

“Jack has been feeling a- how you say? Familiar feeling recently.” Lewis spoke with a cakey french accent which Jack had come to learn gets worse when he is nervous or under pressure. It takes away certain consonants and gives him an almost goofy sounding tone. 

The boy was going to detest, but he was cut off by Alex, “So have I.”

In that moment, it wasn’t only surprise that lingered in the library air- crisp with the scent of books -there was something else in the mix. It was thick and tense. 

_Anticipation._

“I don’t know if it’s just because I’ve been getting to know Tyler though…” Alex quickly added on, wringing his hands in nerves. 

“You knew him?” Jack asked stupidly. It was almost as if he hadn’t been leaning in on the whole conversation that made him have a crisis. Hearing that name spoken aloud for the first time in what felt like centuries… though, it had been. 

Alex nodded with a hum, the few strands of hair that couldn’t be pulled into his usual ponytail moving with him. “He was a prick way back when.” 

“Hey!” 

“But I still have the feeling that I know one of you.” Alex ignored Tyler, choosing to look between Jack and Lewis. 

Poor Jack felt like he was going to pass out under the pressure of the bit of eye contact he was making with Alex. “Really? He stammered. 

Alex nodded again. 

“I feel the same, mon amie.” Lewis smiled, tender and sweet. “I think we knew one another in our past.” 

And that’s how they began to speak of their past lives. Jack didn’t share much, but he was happy to listen to the weird things that the other boys had seen and done. Cabinet meetings, having children, getting married, meeting their wife, battles. They were things that Jack had only considered the details of in history books. Here he was, sitting in a small circle in the back of the building’s library, listening to Lewis’ past self’s venture to America. 

Then something extraordinary happened. 

Alex’s eyes began to practically _glow._ He was doused in fresh excitement, making him bounce in his place in his bean bag. “Don’t tell me…” He muttered, a smile pulling at his lips, warming Jack’s heart. 

“What is the matter?” Lewis asked, french accent even stronger thanks to the mental shift of talking about his past. 

“Lafayette?” Alex asked without even thinking. Often a second timer would probably stab you for just outing them like that. It was kinda like being gay; you tell the people who you trust and know won’t out you, and keep it to yourself around others. Names with second timers were a big thing. 

But it didn’t look like Lewis cared. 

His brown eyes widened, and a smile broke out on his face. Had they not been in a library Jack was sure he’d probably squeal in joy. “Yes!!” He exclaimed, sitting straight up, “You did know me!” 

Tyler looked just as shocked as Jack. Both of them recognized the name. 

“I worked with you in France!” Tyler laughed, shaking his head. 

Lewis looked at him, “Thomas?” He sounded unsure. Almost curling in on himself in the uncertainty that was taking him over. 

Tyler’s smile grew bigger as he nodded quickly. “I can’t believe you’re here a second time! You acted like such a saint last life! All ‘woah, look at America! I can’t stop thinking about it!’” He mocked in a high-pitched voice. 

Lewis scoffed, “I wasn’t always like that!” 

That’s when Jack spaced out. He became the outsider, watching the other three bond as he tried to get even the smallest grasp of what his name had been all that time ago. He couldn’t even recall what he had looked like. Jack’s mind could only remember the image of red hair and blue eyes. Ones that weren’t his… 

“You okay?” Jordan asked. 

Jordan? 

Jack finally came back to it, seeing Jordan standing there with crossed arms, the other three boys looking nervous by his side. 

“Yeah.” Jack breathed, putting half effort into nodding his head. Had he really spaced out for that long? “Is group done already?” 

“You were a shell for the past half hour,” Alex speaks up, “We thought you might have died on us.” He ran his own hand up his arm as a way of comfort. It made Jack wonder if it was to comfort him with the idea of _Jack_ dying or just the idea of death itself. Jack concluded it was the latter.

Jordan turned to the boys and muttered something that Jack’s clouded brain couldn’t comprehend. They left, leaving only him and Jordan in the library. All the other people (minus the nice librarian) had also left. It was really just him and Jordan… 

“Walk with me?” Jordan asked, quirking a brow. Jack couldn’t tell if this was a test to see if he was alive and functioning or if Jordan was really asking him to take a walk. 

Jack frowned, “Isn’t it dark out?-” 

“Around the building. You haven’t seen it all yet.” 

Somehow Jack and Jordan ended up wandering the halls in silence. Comfortable silence. See, there was this aura that Jordan gave off. It was welcoming and in some cases- overwhelming. It stretched how well put together he was, and really accentuated the fact he was a leader. The feeling drew Jack in in a way that he hadn’t felt before in this lifetime. He wanted to follow Jordan’s command, get on his good side, ask to get higher command- 

John sighed, “The others figured out they knew one another.” 

“Is that so?” Jordan spoke without looking at John. He kept his hands in his pockets and eyes forward. 

“Mhm.” John hummed, fiddling with a loose string on his sleeve, mindlessly following Jordan’s steps. 

“Is that why you checked out?” 

“I think so.” The boy admitted, sounding rather ashamed. “I just want to know myself like they do. They get to tell stories about how they had kids and wives and friends, and all I can recall is how I fell in battle. Pathetically.” The last word was spat sourly. John could only look to the ground in annoyance in himself. He was disgusted by his stand compared to the others. They all had stories of battles won and fought with dignity. There was nothing that John could be proud of. 

Jordan was quiet for a while. Still continuing down the empty hall. John couldn't get himself to look up and face the (probably) disappointed expression Jordan must have been sporting. There was no way that anyone else could hear how stupidly envious John was of all of his friends and still see him as a good guy. Envy wasn’t a pretty color on anyone. It made him look like nothing more than a fool. One who chases the dreams of others rather than his own because he can barely keep a command in control. Because he can only turn his back to what he knows to defend the standing of his general. His friends. His love… 

“You will get there.” Jordan stated with a comforting certiantity. “It takes time, son. You must go through the difficult and the easy. They have earned their rights to their memories and casual stories, and with time, you will too.” 

The certainty wasn’t very effective with John. In his mind he didn’t have the time. There wasn’t enough time in the world to wait for what will come when all you could do is throw yourself into trouble. His brows furrowed and his chest puffed with his short temper. “I can’t sit here and wait for nothing!” He insisted, “There is nothing I can do when I wait. I have to get out there and force myself to remember. If i don’t- my- my friends will leave me. I won’t be able to fit in with them. And then. Then I have no chance to learn if I really found Alexander again or not. Because if I can't before my parents drag me out of here against my will- I will keel over the moment I get back into that wretched house whether it’s natural causes or me doing it myself!” John rambled, his words coming out strung right after the other, not even faltering in the growing frustration that had planted itself in his chest. 

Finally looking Jordan in the eyes was a mistake. 

Seeing the shock was mixing with that parental concern. The urge to protect Jack n if he didn’t know who the teen was. When he came from. What he’s dealing with. It made Jack want to sob, apologize, collapse and beg Jordan to forget he ever said it and to never tell his parents. 

The silence that sat between them told them both a whole story.

It whispered to Jordan bits and pieces of what Jack had to deal with before he was found out as a second timer. It sewed together scenes in his head of Jack sitting in a room alone, wondering if he’d even live to see the next sunrise. The man wanted to cry. There was absolutely no way he’d let this boy ever feel this way again. 

The quiet gave Jack a different look at this all. The one time he had ever said something like this around his parents he had been dismissed and told it was a phase. Something that everyone experienced in their teen years. He had been told to go do his homework and be downstairs for dinner. But the silence when he told an adult this time around- it gave him hope. Hope that maybe this time around someone would care. Because this feeling had been with him since he was little, and it always seemed like no one gave even the slightest effort to try and help him. No one had ever cared. 

Until now… 

“Jack. If you ever feel like that you can come to my room. Head of the hallway, you know that.” 

Jack hummed quietly. 

“The other boys are there for you too. They’d do anything for you.” Jordan glanced away for a second, Jack could see tears forming in his eyes. “Just… come to someone if you need anything okay?” 

“Okay.” 

The two ended up roaming the halls in silence until they found their way back to the revolutionary times hall, and walked up to Jack and Lewis’ dorm room door. Lewis was already inside- it was far past lights out, so he was probably (hopefully) already sleeping. It wasn’t until Jack got the door knob silently turned and was ready to go inside that Jordan spoke up. 

“There’s someone I want you to meet soon. I think you’ll like to hear the stories she has to tell.” Jordan spoke lightly as to not disturb any of the kids in the neighboring rooms. 

Jack nodded with a small smile, “Okay . Goodnight. Thank you.” 

Jordan nodded him off with a mumbled “night” and then went down the hall to his room. 

When Jack got into the dorm, Lewis was asleep, and there was a post-it on the pillow of his bed. Scrabbled in neat printed letters was the note: 

_ Sorry I couldn’t stay up long enough for you to come back.  _

_ Have sweet dreams, will wake you up for breakfast tomorrow.  _

_ -Lewis :)  _

Jack couldn't help but grin as he put the note in his drawer on the desk, and laid on his bed to sleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like always, I have to apologize for taking so long to update. Not even going to give the whole "a lot is going on" speech because I'm sure you all expect it. 
> 
> This chapter took turns that I hadn't been expecting, but I'm not mad. 
> 
> If I can get the writing done tonight, I want to do a little Halloween special to post tomorrow. Got a cute idea for it. Would you be interested in a chapter like that? It'd be a nice break from all this craziness XD 
> 
> Anyways, I love you all. Yes, every single one of you, and hope you are all having a nice day/night. Make sure you drink some water and get some sleep. 
> 
> Signed,   
> The author who keeps forgetting fanfics don't write themselves


	13. Destiny's Calling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry I didn't get the Halloween chapter out!!!
> 
> I didn't know I'd be doing work stuff until one in the morning November first, so I couldn't get it out. 
> 
> So I made up for it a little here. Enjoy :)

The small bit that was left of October flew by. It slipped through everyone’s fingers like the sand in an hourglass. The days loomed themselves together, one by one, and managed to fly by everyone’s vision with ease. Warmer weather dropped into hig 60’s and low 40’s. The leaves changing bright reds, oranges and yellows. Beauty. The perfect weather to cozy up in your favorite sweater to enjoy a nice book in the fall air… 

Jack had half of that statement going for him. As he pulled on his favorite sweater (which was an ugly shade of green) he sighed contently. It may not have looked the best, but the sweater was warm and soft. His mom had gotten it for him for his birthday last year. The boy had to ignore Lewis’ questioning look as he stepped by his side to walk the very short stroll to school. 

Everything that morning had been normal. Enjoyable even. There wasn’t a single thing out of place. Not even one little argument between Alex and Tyler, no weird glances during his first hour class, and as he sat down for lunch the small banter that the group was making was fun. Something he could participate in without being worried of suddenly feeling left out. 

It was all perfect. 

The lunchroom was booming as usual. Teenagers all over, talking about whatever drama had made itself school-known. Whether it was relationships, tests, teachers… Jack didn’t want to hear it. That’s why he was so pleased with his little family. The three other boys. It was beginning to feel like they had little interest in the school’s gossip as well. So what they talked about was what they wanted to listen to. 

“I’m just saying,” Alex huffed, setting his heavy backpack by his seat at the lunch table, “Madame Johnson isn’t actually teaching us anything.” 

Jack sat one seat away from him, settling in his chair as he set his tray in front of him. The group had their own little spot in the lunchroom. It was in the far back corner where no one else dared sit. Where the  _ weird  _ kids sat. Their own little cranny. The circle table that they had indirectly claimed had eight spots. That was enough for all of the boys to sit one seat away from one another. It made conversation easier because you didn’t have to look around anyone. It was nice. 

“That’s one thing I can agree with you on.” Tyler laughed as he watched the two boys sit down. Him and Lewis’ classrooms were closer to the lunchroom so they had been already picking at whatever horrid thing the school was trying to pass off as lunch. 

“She just lectures! How are we supposed to learn anything when we don’t get definitions or anything like that?!” Alex talked with his hands. They were flying in the air around him. It was amusing to watch. This always happened when he was passionate about a topic. Clearly the French teacher’s lack of actual teaching was something he really wanted to talk about. 

“Don’t you already speak French like… fluently?” Jack chuckled, “Why are either of you so pressed about this? You don’t have to learn anything.” 

“Ah, mais j’aime toujours montrer en classe.” Tyler chuckled, shaking his head. 

_ (Ah, but I still enjoy showing off in class.) _

Lewis laughed, “I cannot believe you two.” He smiled with an amused shame. Like a father. See, over the past month Lewis had established his place in the group of boys. He was the parent friend. The other three thought it was hilarious to watch him get so upset over his ‘children’ getting into trouble. “Why be concerned about the teaching methods if you both can already pass the class with ease?” 

“Thank you!” Jack hissed. He had to ignore the buzz of his phone.

It wasn’t out of the norm for him to get messages during lunch. They were always Miles sending him photos of the table he sat at. Making him realize how stupid they looked. Or they were lines of words he’d rather not repeat. 

It made the boy wonder why he had ever considered Miles a friend. There was no mutual caring there. Like Jack even cared about Miles… 

He had in the beginning. When they first were set up for friendship it was okay. It wasn’t just about social standing. Or having an accessory of Harry Laurence's son. It was real friendship. They had been young and naïve, so unaware of how unforgiving the world could really be. But then Jack said something, and Miles said something back… 

It didn’t matter now. Jack found people who cared about him. He found people who, even if Jack felt out of place at times, made him feel cared for. They put in as much effort as he did. It was relieving. They all knew one another on a different level with the idea of sharing the vulnerable parts of past life. Being able to go to any one of the other boys and just talk about anything and be listened to? Jack wouldn't ask for anything more. 

Jack knew he should have blocked Miles’ number, but something told him that he shouldn’t… 

The words of Alex brought Jack out of whatever thoughtful trance he had been in. “I’m just stitching to walk into class and cuss her out.” Alex muttered, “She probably wouldn’t even understand anything I’d say.”

“You’re ridiculous. She’d probably understand every word of it. You’re just trying to find any opportunity you can to swear in french.” Jack teased, again ignoring another buzz of his phone. 

“Of course I am!” Alex defended himself as pink creeped up on his cheeks. “You would be too if you knew how to swear in french! It sounds cool!” 

Tyler shook his head after he shared a knowing look with Lewis. One the other two boys hadn’t seen because they were too caught up in their own little argument. 

It was about halfway through the little spiel of Alex naming all of the french swears he knew that Jack finally pulled his phone out of his pocket. When his gaze finally focused on the notification that sat there so boldly on his screen he froze. 

His stomach dropped. 

A sweat broke out on the nape of his neck. 

His hands shook. 

The text message read: 

**Mom**

_ Your father and I were talking.  _

_ We miss you. _

_ We’d love to have you home for Thanksgiving.  _

His throat went dry before he could make up any sort of response to Alex, who had just stopped listing all of the french words. 

All three of the others noticed Jack’s mood drop immediately. Which meant the questions were coming. They would close him in with unanswered lines, and force him to talk about the things he didn’t want to. Jack’s heart picked up as he glanced up to see Lewis frown. 

“Mon amie.” Lewis began, frowning, “ça va?” 

( _ My friend. Are you okay? _ ) 

Jack had heard that line one too many times from Lewis within the time he’s lived in the same room as him. 

It was what he was asked when he got frustrated with a homework question so he slammed his notebook on his bed. Or when he made a show, dramatically flopping onto his bed after a long day. That was all fun and games. This was serious. The text message could rip all of that away from Jack. With his one response he could ruin it all for himself… 

There was no doubt in his body that this was a plan to try and get him to stay home. He knew his parents. There was no doubt the nosy neighbors were asking why he wasn’t at the house anymore. The Laurence’s family reputation was ruined in this place, so they’d just move far enough to put Jack in a different school and start ‘new’. 

Jack shook his head, mustering the courage to admit that he wasn’t okay. There was no point in covering it all. 

He felt cold. He knew that his face was probably such a pale white that he couldn’t have lied about being okay. The tremble of his hands gave him away, too. They shook so bad he almost dropped his phone before he could turn it off and set it face down on the table. He was anxious, stressed… whatever you wanted to call it. 

He felt like he was about to pass out. 

“What’s wrong?” Alex asked in a tender voice, leaning to see Jack’s face. 

“My mom wants me home for thanksgiving.” 

That gave him three weeks. Three weeks to savor the freedom he had gathered. Three weeks to show his appreciation for the open arms that welcomed him here even when he hadn’t wanted to be here. To tell his friends that he was happy they were here. 

Three weeks to remember his past so he could finally feel in the loop with his friends… 

Apparently his thoughts had consumed him for the rest of the lunch period. When he finally came back to it Alex was sitting in the seat right next to him, wringing his hands worriedly as he waited for Jack to come back to reality. He looked so scared, not even bothering to keep a knowing eye on his backpack with the usual fear of someone taking it. 

Instead of listening to whatever little speech Alex was about to spew, Jack let his green eyes take in the surroundings. He tried to ignore how Alex looked at him with relief when he finally saw Jack moving. 

Lunch was out. 

“Is class going?” Jack asked, voice a little groggy from the lump that has risen in his throat. He was trying not to cry. 

Alex shrugged. “I lost track of time after I told Tyler and Lewis to leave. Promised them that I wouldn’t step away until I knew you weren’t dead.” 

“Why didn’t you just take me to the nurse?” 

“I don’t know.” Alex admitted. 

Jack laughed absently, trying to find some sort of clock around the lunchroom so he wouldn’t have to use his phone to check the time and see the text message again. 

“Can get Jordan to excuse you from the absences. Don’t worry.” Alex mumbled, knowing exactly where Jack’s mind was going. 

He nodded, assuring himself. “What do I do?” Jack asked after he cleared his throat. He looked up to Alex to see the genuine sympathy in his eyes. Suddenly realizing that maybe he wasn’t so out of the loop. “If they get me home… I mean.” 

Alex shrugged at first. It wasn’t so assuring. At least it wasn’t until Jack made the connection. 

“Your family didn’t like you being a second timer either, did they?” 

“I don’t want to talk about this here.” Alex glanced away from Jack’s eyes. Little did Jack know, but the intense green was making Alex feel nervous. It wasn’t until an idea dawned upon him that he looked back. “Hey, meet me in the library after dinner tonight. Kay? I’ve got an idea.” 

Jack wasn’t feeling easy about this “plan” at all. But for some reason he agreed. The nod he gave almost seemed enthusiastic. He was eager to figure out what the other boy was planning. There was no time to ask because by the time the questions made their way to the tip of his tongue Alex was smiling fondly and walking away. 

Leaving Jack on his own. 

**…**

Jack had been anxious all of the rest of the day- or at least the two class periods he had to sit through after he woke up in lunch. During dinner he couldn’t stop looking to Alex with eyes full of wonder and expectation. 

When dinner was dismissed he itched to run down the hall to the library. Instead he walked with Lewis to the dorm like usual, and then told the other boy he was going to go do some studying there for the night, and left. It was the least suspicious he could have made this all seem. Even if he knew that there was something that Lewis wasn’t telling him. The way that Lewis nodded off his show that he put on to cover up him going to the library for some mystery test studying. Or the way that Lewis explained he’d be hanging out with Tyler for the night and wouldn’t be back until lights out was called… 

There wasn’t time for Jack to linger on that, though. 

Because he was swiftly walking down the hall as he wondered what Alex’s plan was. He was trying to figure out why his question was shot down with such discomfort that it made him back off fully. 

When he saw Alex waiting at the bean bags in the back of the library he couldn’t help but grin. 

The way he sat was so formal, but the bean bags contracted it. It made him look childish in some odd way. The book he held was thick, and he was almost halfway through it. Jack had to ponder the idea of Alex sitting here from right when dinner ended to now. 

He walked over, already beginning to apologize for making Alex wait, but there wasn’t any space for him to finish before Alex looked up with a grin. 

“So you did show.” He mocked, putting a bookmark in his book and setting it down next to him. “I was beginning to think you ditched me for baguette man.” 

“I would never!” Jack gasped dramatically. 

Alex shrugged, “Well it was beginning to look like you would. I’m just saying.” 

Jack laughed as he sat down in one of the other bean bags, putting his hands in his lap. He looked to Alex expectantly. “So… Why’d you bring me here?” 

“For you to ask questions.” Alex responded almost immediately. “About whatever you want. I’m an open book. About my family, about how to deal with the flashbacks. Anything.” 

Jack shifted in his place. There was a discomfort with the idea of being able to ask anything he wanted. There were questions he ached to ask, but it felt like he’d be overstepping boundaries. So he chose to ask what he had before, “Did your parents not like you being a second timer?” 

Alex hummed thoughtfully, leaning back into the bean bag for a moment before he spoke. “I died young last life.” He stated before anything else, confusing Jack for a moment, “but I remembered my past early. I was only four when the memories started. Living with my mom and dad who despised the idea of second lives… they dumped me in some second timer help house… didn’t help much.” He chuckled. 

Jack waited for him to continue. 

“Back then I was living in a suburb of Washington. Had a decent life. Then suddenly the help house pushed me into a home in New york. Then Minnesota. Then back to Washington. And now here.” 

Jack’s brows furrowed, “But why? Why do you move around so much?” 

Alex chuckled mournfully. “Because no one cares. Every single place I’ve been put in was some sicko pretending to want to help second timer kids only to end up beating me. Or tell me I’m lying…” There was hesitation before his next words. It worried Jack. “Or tell me I’m wrong for being me.” 

“What do you mean?” Jack asked, watching the way Alex’s gaze was going anywhere but him. He’d overstepped a boundary already. 

Alex shook his head, “There’s no point in explaining that one. Hey, how about I help you get ready for if you’re sent home. I don’t want you to not know how to get through a flashback if you have one.” 

Jack nodded. 

Within the next two hours Alex explained the basics. The things Jack would need to know about pushing through rough memory retrievals and how to avoid triggering them. They ignored the entire conversation that had happened before. There wasn’t a single question asked about Alex’s past again. 

It was just laughs and poorly-explained explanations that were mugged by Jack. 

It was bonding. The one-on-one time was something Jack savored so much. The only time he ever got with one of his friends was with Lewis. But Alex… he was different. The familiarity that Jack’s soul just had with Alex was comforting. Even if he was wracking his mind to try and put together exactly who he must have been in the past. Because there was no doubt that he had known him. The way Jack could be at ease with Alex without even having to think about it was a blessing and a curse all in one. 

Because that meant his tired babbling wasn’t contained. 

They had been kicked out of the library for the night ten minutes before lights out was called. 

But the two boys ended up wandering the halls instead of going to follow rules and go sleep. 

“You haven’t broken any rules?” Alex asked, amazed. 

Jack shook his head, “The first and last time I did was going to a party. That’s how I came to figure out I was a second timer. Never wanted to ever again.” 

“But here you are, breaking rules.” Alex chuckled. “That’s funny.” 

Jack sighed, “Not really.” 

“Whatever you say.” Alex teased. He was stumbling next to Jack’s side. They were both so sleep deprived it was amusing to watch. They staggered as they walked, vision blurry from the lack of rest. “Hey. Stay in my dorm tonight. I don’t have a roommate so I get lonely. Then you won’t have to wake up Lewis.” He slung his arm over Jack’s shoulders. 

Jack didn’t think about it at the moment. He just agreed. Before he knew it he was shutting the door of Alex’s dorm, taking in the small area. It was like all the other dorms, obviously. The two beds, desk, one window. But there was a stack of books in the corner, and posters of musicals, and an endless pile of letters and bottles of ink. It was charming. Fit Alex’s personality. 

“Here. Sit down.” Alex pat the spot next to him on his bed, his laptop in his lap. 

“Are you allowed to have that here?” 

“Dunno. Never got asked about it.” 

They ended up watching a show. One Jack hadn’t even gotten the name of. Two guys and ghosts. It wasn’t exactly up his alley, but hearing Alex get so into the fight scenes and whine about these two guys and the sexual tension… Jack didn’t care whether he knew what was going on in the show. He ended up falling asleep leaning on Alex’s shoulder. Listening to Alex complain about how this trench coat guy and this squirrel looking dude wouldn’t kiss. He thought nothing of it as he dozed off, completely happy with the situation. 

His dream wasn’t so pleasant. 

It wasn’t like any other dream that he had had before. It was little scenes. Snippets of his past. There weren’t many words shared, and if there were any they were in french. 

This man, the one with the auburn hair, was there. There was someone else with him, though. He had powdered hair, brown eyes, and a long, crooked nose. The french he spoke was clear and real. The french the redhead spoke had that American touch to it that made Jack know he wasn’t native. 

The scene that he got to see that stuck out the most was one of the two sitting around a fire laughing. They kept asking John things, and then that familiar voice from his head would answer in thick french, and they’d all laugh. 

His dream didn’t last long though. 

And when he woke up that warm, welcoming feeling that he had seeing all those fond moments of his past left with it.

He woke up in tears, sitting up so he could try and stifle his cries and gather his emotions. 

What Jack forgot was that he wasn’t in his own dorm, and when Alex felt his move off of his shoulder he looked over, pausing his show and asking with tender, genuine care, “You want to talk about it?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not me throwing in Supernatural because   
> DESTIEL IS CANON!
> 
> I am in such a good mood today. I hope you guys are too. 
> 
> Got some actual Lams content coming up in the next chapter or two ;)   
> Look forward to that. 
> 
> Like always, make sure you get some water and rest. If you need to talk my user is Sleepynerd.cos on all media, shoot me a message I'm here for you guys. 
> 
> Love,  
> An author who is in a weirdly good mood


	14. All comes falling apart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHHHHH I'm adding this note at one in the morning when it hit me as I'm working on the next few chapters!! 
> 
> If you guys have any songs that you relate to this fanfic add them in the comments! The playlist is in progress, but I fear I don't have enough music. 
> 
> Love you all :)

Jack didn’t go home for Thanksgiving. Even if home was only a few blocks away, no one had questioned it. There hadn’t been a single weary glare or snobby question. It was like he had never gotten the text message in the first place. The main office, however, couldn’t ignore it. There was a call on the daily from Jack’s mother. Every single time she got a response she’d beg them to let her come and visit or at least talk to Jack. It never happened. Jordan was often the one to pick up the phone now- at least when they knew it was Mrs. Laurence trying to pester them. He was persistent with the idea of it being Jack’s choice. No one told her that Jack didn’t even know that she was calling… 

Even if he didn’t go home, Alex’s coaching didn’t go to waste. 

On one particularly gloomy early December day Jack had the memory of a lifetime. 

See, the boy had gotten bits and pieces of his past life. He could remember vivid scenes of two familiar men making small talk with him around a fire. Grim sights of the result of battles. The tension of arguing with his commander for something he really wanted. But this- this had been something that he had given up on. Jack had been sure that it was just part of him that he wouldn’t ever come across… 

He was sat on his bed, in the empty dorm room. Lewis had been off in the school with the theatre friends he had made over the most recent casting for the school musical. It was a chilly day, with rain rather than the usual bit of snow that falls every other year. While this year had been much warmer than the rest, the rain still dulled the cooler weather. It felt more like fall than it did the beginning of winter. Jack had kept the blinds open so he could stare out the window while he wrote an essay for his English class. He had been one of the few kids who chose to hand write it. Something just didn’t sit right with him when he thought about sitting in front of a computer screen to write. 

There had been that cloud creeping in again. Like when he first made a reincarnation discovery. It was the same anxious and electric feeling. And there was no doubt this time around that this was going to be something big. 

As he finished up his essay, totally putting in half effort into the last few sentences, Jack realized he’d forgotten to write his name up at the top. 

So he reached up to the top of the paper, and in neat print wrote  _ ‘John Laurens’ _ . 

For a full minute he stared at the pencil marking on the paper, mind trying to comprehend why that felt right but wrong. 

When it hit him he cried. Tears of joy coming out his green eyes as he mumbled the name under his breath. A smile broke out over his features, pulling his eyes almost closed, and paining his freckled cheeks with how wide the expression was. 

It was like a weight off of his chest, one that had been set there the moment he’d hit that first memory. 

“John Laurens.” He repeated over and over, staring at the name on the paper with wide eyes filled with joy and pride. Suddenly the shame he’d had because of the grim memories had vanished. Knowing his name was something that flipped his entire world. “I am John Laurens.” He stated, followed by a school girlish squeal. 

Suddenly the idea of being left out by his friends slipped out of his mind. In its place was his name. Who he was. 

**…**

Two days later Jack still was ecstatic. In his step was a bounce and an energy that hadn’t ever been there before. A satisfaction with his mind and his place. 

The other boys had no clue why. It sounded funny, but he hadn’t even considered telling them. Maybe it was the overwhelming feeling of finally having that fear put to rest that distinguished the urge to tell everyone how far he’s come. 

It was when he was sitting at the dinner table with his pals that Jack would savor the moment. Somehow life seemed so much more bright and beautiful when he could sit there and know who he was. Not who he is, but  _ was.  _ The light that had been lit in his chest when he was young to figure out who he is- at least this time around -had been put out once the name John came into his head. The boy ignored the urge to throw away the knowledge and focus on himself, it just didn’t seem interesting. In his mind, Jack thought that there was no point in finding the now. He hadn’t been preached the whole second timer stuff enough to recognize he is a different person this time around. So here he was, sat at the table in the mess hall, only being able to wonder who the others really were. 

There is no now in his eyes. 

See, Tyler and Alex had started debate club not too long ago, maybe a week, and they were already constantly butting heads. Jack loved sitting with Alex in the library and just listening to his endless complaints about how Tyler was ‘ _ just as idiotic as he was in his last life _ ’. 

Tyler, however, didn’t care much about what Alex had to say. 

Jordan was the director for the club. Jack was pretty sure that the man found their little rivalry hilarious. Jack found it a little funny. The fact that during club the boys were at one another’s throats, but once they got into the dorm room building suddenly they were relatively okay again. At least… they could be viewed as friends. 

Alex walked over and took his designated seat next to Jack, sitting with a smug look on his face and stating, “I am going to beat Tyler so bad in tonight’s debate. He won’t even know what hit him.” 

“Better not mention that when he comes to the table. I think you might end up being the one who’s beat before the debate session even starts.” Jack mumbled, picking at his food as he shot an admiring glance to the side of Alex’s face. 

“Yeah right!” Alex laughed, “I’ve got you on my side, so I’m sure I’d win!” He slung an arm over Jack’s shoulder. 

There was no hiding the red that began to dance with the freckles on Jack’s cheeks. He began to hope that the mess of curly hair would hide most of it. Lewis definitely noticed because the look he gave Jack was enough to make him feel a little panicked. 

Tyler walked over just in time to save Jack from saying something stupid. He had a fowl look on his features, almost  _ angry _ . His brown eyes glared at Alex as he sat down across from him, “You.” He pointed a finger with his harsh hiss. 

Alex leaned his head in his hands as he craned closer to the table. “What did I do?” He teased with a mocking smile. 

“You’re trying to buy the support of the meeting!” Tyler huffed. “You can’t just charm everyone with your weirdly well put together face-” He stammered, vaguely gesturing to Alex, who was laughing. 

Jack had to take a moment to admire Alex’s laugh. His smile. It was a thing of beauty. The sound was so happy and bright, and his smile pulled at his hickory brown eyes. Jack had once been upset with how perfect Lewis’ smile was, but Alex’s had become something totally different… 

Jordan walking over was the thing that broke up the little accusation that was beginning to unfold. He looked tense. His shoulders squared in a tight way, and his brows pulled into a thin frown. The man’s eyes were scanning the place… in search of someone. 

The four boys went silent when he walked over. The tension and grim nervousness that flowed off of him was enough to shut up the playful energy that had formed in the warm breakfast that morning. All eyes went to him as he placed a hand on Jack’s shoulder. 

Suddenly the bold thoughts Jack had- the ones that were urging Jack to be himself and trust in someone for once -were dissipating. There was the familiar feeling of dread that hadn’t been settling in his chest for a while. 

“Son, I’ve got to talk to you.” Jordan mumbled firmly. His hand settled on Jack’s shoulder and didn’t leave until they were outside the doors to the mess hall, where no one else was. 

When Jack watched the door close he leaned against the wall, his arms crossed over his chest as if that would save him from the news that he was about to hear. A wall, of some sorts, that hadn’t been built up since Lewis and Tyler managed to break it down. “What is it?” he mumbled. Small. 

Jordan shook his head for a moment, regretting whatever he was about to say. It worried Jack. There were lists and lists of things that could crush his spirits gushing in his head. Most of them were situations where he was about to be kicked out of the building… 

“Your parents are going to have you over winter break.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im not gonna lie. I’m not having the best of days right now, and wrote this to distract myself.  
> So I understand it isn’t the best writing I could do, but it’s something. This is really a filler anyways. 
> 
> Getting next chapter written already! 
> 
> Have a good day/night. Remember to drink water and get rest. 
> 
> Signed,  
> An author who needs to catch a break


	15. Warm in my friendships

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey hey!! Before you read I've got to let you know...
> 
> I've finally got the playlist together!!
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLa3gXEqOOcCdW2qcyNOg3v0gJMT4pqOU1
> 
> I'd love it if you guys have any suggestions of songs to add onto it. I wanna know what music reminds you of this fanfic. Hope you like the chapter, I loved writing this one.

Jack could have cried right there and then. He began to shake, as he did when that message from his mom had showed up on his phone. He shook his head as he tried to hold back the physical signs of panic. Not wanting to seem weak and scared in front of Jordan. He didn't want to get anyone in on the family issues. 

“Is there anything you can do?” Jack asked, quiet and worried. 

“Your mom has been calling almost everyday. We can’t legally keep you here. Most kids go home for Christmas anyways.” Jordan explained. The frown he had only deepened, “Why? Do you not want to go home?”

Jack shook his head. Trying to shake off the nervousness that was building in his chest and crawling up to capture his mind, not to brush off Jordan’s question, but it seemed more like the latter to the bare eye. “I will go home. Sorry. Just wasn’t expecting it.” 

“Don’t apologize. It was sudden,” Jordan smiled sweetly. It was a comforting sight. Just enough to ease Jack into a softer sense of anxiety. He didn’t feel as fidgety and shaky now. It was just that looming feeling that had begun to feel so familiar. Almost sickening. “You should join the others for the last bit of breakfast. We’ll discuss going home after school.” 

“Thank you.” Jack muttered before he breathed out the last bit of the physical nerves and walked past the big doors to the mess hall. See, a skill Jack hated that he had was the ability to seem okay. It was something that had developed at a young age thanks to his parents… “tough” love. There was an ease with it. Maybe it was him tricking his mind, but Jack almost forgot that the black clouds were rolling in again and that things were going to go horrible again. 

That is… he forgot until someone noticed. 

Alex had a way of understanding Jack in some odd way. Once the boys had worked past their differences they just seemed to click. Within moments either one of them read the other like a book. And it seemed like that was the current case as they sat at the lunch table, Jack oddly silent as he ripped pieces off of a PB&J but didn’t bother to eat them. He had felt Alex’s eyes on the side of his head for the whole twenty minutes they’d been at the table. Jack was sure that if he let it go any longer there’d be holes in the side of his head, just another issue to add to the list. Had he not been trying to keep his temper down at the moment he would have turned to Alex and snapped at him for staring, but Jack didn’t want to leave on a bad note. Which meant that he’d need to keep up a good mask for the week before he is dragged home and ultimately kept there- it’s inevitable and he knows it.

“Why aren’t you eating?” Alex asked him, nodding to the tray that was covered with pieces of sandwich. 

Immediately Jack’s promise to himself to not snap was gone as he mumbled sarcastically, “You’re one to talk.” 

The look on Alex’s face was unusual. His brows here pulled into a frown, but his lips tucked into a mocking smile. Within one moment Jack figured out, just from that expression, that Alex had put together the pieces Jack was trying so hard to hide. The boy had to mentally hit himself for not hiding his upset aura enough. 

“Are you okay?” Alex asked, gushing with so much genuine concern it made Jack want to vomit. 

Jack didn’t respond- he didn’t  _ want  _ to respond. So he got up from his seat, slung his backpack over his shoulder, grabbed his tray, and began walking to the trash cans in the far back of the cafeteria. Even Tyler and Lewis didn’t question it. He hoped that Alex wouldn’t follow because there was no point for him to follow, the kid never actually ate lunch, but alas, Alex was hot on his trail. This time he looked more angry than concerned. 

“Jack!” He huffed as he noticed that Jack was trying his best to ignore him. “Don’t just walk away from me!” 

He did just that. Jack stepped past without a single care that his shoulder bumped Alex’s… normally that’d push some weird spark in his stomach and make him feel a little giddy… 

Again, Alex followed him out of the cafeteria and into a hallway. He even followed Jack to one of the back hallways that didn’t even lead close to Alex’s fourth period. Jack knew that Alex had English that hour, which was in the North wing, and this hallway lead to the South wing that held all of the science classrooms- 

“Jack!” Alex spat again. This time he shoved the other boy’s shoulder. That one movement was enough to push Jack over and almost hit the wall- he had never been a strong kid, so he was easy to push around. “What is up with you? Ever since this morning you’ve been off, what did Jordan tell you?” He sounded desperate. Jack watched as the usually confident and snobbish way Alex held himself turned into one that was more of him curling up on himself. He was scared? No. That couldn’t have been it. 

Jack shrugged, “What do you mean?” He had to cringe at how monotone he sounded. He would have been smacked in the back of the head if he had talked like this at home.  _ Home.  _

Alex looked as if he was about to cry when Jack finally escaped the endless loop of thoughts he had gotten tugged into. It made him feel bad. Seeing the way those brown eyes glossed with the smallest beginning of tears, and how his chest rose more than usual as he tried to keep himself under control. Jack wanted to hug him. “You’ve been ignoring me all day! Why? I just want to help you.” That last sentence sounded much more pathetic than Alex probably meant it. “So… just talk to me?” 

Jack sighed, wanting to run away like he always did, but it was starting to feel like he couldn’t run from his problems anymore. He was beginning to feel tired. Like if he forced himself to run anymore his legs would give out. “I am going home next week.” 

Alex’s features softened, and his head tilted in a cute sense of confusion. One that Jack would have probably commented on if they weren’t in the mist of an argument. 

“That’s not so bad…” Alex muttered, “Why’re you acting weird. That can’t be it.” 

“Well it is it.” Jack spat, fighting the itch in his muscles that were begging him to turn away and just get to class. 

“Why?” 

Jack shrugged again. It was starting to become a defense mechanism. 

“Jack.” Alex cooed. Just hearing his name being breathed from Alex’s throat like that was enough to give Jack the butterflies… 

He had to shoo away the thoughts that had been swimming in his head. The ones that were becoming normal. If he went home thinking like that he’d be killed. 

“You’re so amazing,” Alex began, “I bet you’ve got plenty of friends back home, and there’s no way that your family wouldn't love you … I mean I-” 

“They despise me.” Jack tried not to yell, but his growing frustration was beginning to get the best of him. “My dad wants me dead, Alex. He hits me and calls me slurs for things that I can’t help, and coming here is the only escape! They’re both crazy! Think that a kid is just a charm to show off to the public like- like some trophy to scream out ‘Hey look at how well put together the being I raised is!’ So what am I supposed to do when I’m sent home and just become an accessory again? Huh? When they lock me in my room like they always do so I can’t leave and I am forced into hiding again?!” Jack was crying. He couldn't help it. It was beginning to feel hard to breathe as he let all the words just flow out. The truth was harsh, and he could tell by Alex’s expression that the other boy was shocked by it, but once it started he couldn't stop. “They want to kill people who are second timers, Alex. What am I supposed to do when they don’t think people like us exist?” He sobbed. Jack had to lock his knees as they tried to give out under the weight of finally letting all of the pressure on his chest. 

Alex stepped towards him, at first it made Jack feel defensive, but when he looped his arms around Jack (despite the clunky backpack that was on his side) he could only cry more. The two stood there in the back hall in an embrace for a few seconds before Alex could even muster one word, “I want to tell you something.” 

Jack could only sniffle in return. 

“I can’t make it better, but I can leave you off on a good note if you’re really going to leave.” Alex sounded as if he were on the verge of tears again. “So… meet me in the library again. Okay? And… wear something warm.” 

**…**

So Jack did. After sitting through the rest of school, and even enduring Lewis getting on his nerves asking over and over what was making him act off. Jack waited until Lewis was asleep before he made his move to grab another ugly sweater and slipped out of the room. 

The rooms felt so much more lonely during the night. Usually during the day there were doors open so when you walked down the hall you could hear bits and pieces of the ridiculous conversations that were happening in the rooms, but now they were all closed. It started to feel like some movie scene when Jack finally reached the doors of the library. It was a school night, so the doors were unlocked, but the lights were off. He was sure they trusted the kids in this building too much. 

He slipped past the old door only to see Alex perched on the edge of a table, book in hand with one of those book lights clipped to the cover of the book so he could read. The way the dim light illuminated his face was angelic. His eyes looked a chocolate brown, and his lips were just slightly open as his tongue stuck out of his mouth in concentration. When he looked up Jack almost choked. The hairs that fell out of his ponytail framed his face, and only brought more attention to how soft his smile was when he realized it was Jack. 

“Thought I was about to get busted.” He chuckled quietly as he turned off the book light and set it and the book on the desk of the librarian. 

“Think I ditched you again?” Jack asked with an amusement smile to hide the heat in his face. 

Alex looked to him and took a moment to think about it. “After today? Maybe.” 

Jack huffed, “What does that mean?” 

“You know I don’t want to push you, right?” Alex began suddenly. “If you don’t want to spend extra time with me… or talk about something you can tell me to back off.” 

Jack nodded, but didn’t speak. He didn’t feel the need to for once. Instead, he was lost in his head, wondering if Alex felt the same nervousness of overstepping boundaries as he did. He didn’t notice Alex had come closer until there was a hand waving in front of his eyes, almost making him jump. 

“Ready to head out?” Alex smiled as he offered a hand. 

Jack took it without second thought as they began to walk. “Out?” 

“Just to get some fresh air.” Alex mumbled, not even looking over at Jack as he led the other boy through the halls.

They both walked hand in hand in silence. The rush of chilly air when Alex opened the door was enough to make both of them sigh contently as they walked out into the field outside the dorm building. Their breath didn’t show in the air, but it felt like it should have. The air nipped at their noses, and made Jack shiver slightly, causing Alex’s hand to tighten around his. The two settled in the field, not too far from where Jack first interacted with Alex. The grass was cold under them, but neither of the boys seemed to care. 

“You’re not used to the cold are you?” Alex mused as he watched Jack settle next to him and let out a shaky breath. 

Jack shook his head, “The cold seasons don’t last long here. I hate them.” 

Alex laughed. “You’ve never left South Carolina?” 

“Never had a reason to. My parents just move us around in the state. I’m sure they’ll run out of places to place us in the next year though…” Jack wanted to warm his fingers with his breath, but he didn't want to take his hand out of Alex’s. “How many places have you been?” 

“Too many.” Alex responded almost immediately. “I’m hoping that I will only move one more time in my whole life.” 

“Any place in mind?” Jack wondered aloud, glancing at Alex. He had to admire how the other boy’s eyes lit up when he was asked the question. As if he’d been waiting to get asked that for ages. The smile he got was contagious, and Jack found himself smiling along with him. 

“New York!” He beamed, immediately his hands began to move with his words. Something Jack couldn’t help but find cute every single time he did it. “I loved it when I was there! I think it’s something to do with the connections I’ve got to it in my past life… but I want to go back there once I graduate. Become a politician or something.” 

Jack had to admire his planning skills. Being able to know he fits into a place when he’s all done with school and housing for second timers… 

“The only hard part will be avoiding my past life.” Alex’s mood suddenly dropped. “I hate to say it, but recently it’s become a tough spot for me. I remembered something big. Something that if I saw anything that related to it again I think I’d die from dehydration from crying.” 

Jack frowned. So many ideas of things from the past came to mind. Memories of war and loss… loss of loved ones through death and growing apart. The pain of losing in battle or starving thanks to poor planning. Or the freezing cold beginning of frostbite. “What was it? If you don’t mind me asking…” 

“I don’t mind at all. Like I said, I’m an open book.” Alex smiled softly and squeezed Jack’s hand before he began to explain what was making him so down. “Last year I remember the death of my first born. He died in a duel, just like I did. We were both so idiotic. But… Recently I remembered something that has ruined me.” His lip began to tremble as he tried to talk about it. “The death of a friend. Er- something more. I was so close with him, had it been legal way back when I’m sure we would have married. I loved him. He was in battle, and I was all the way back home. There hadn’t been a day that I hadn’t thought about him. I was so proud of him for putting together the first black battalion and leading them into battle. He was brave. Amazing. And… When he died I didn’t even get a chance to say goodbye. Didn't even get the in detail story of what happened. No time to mourn him.” Alex didn’t make eye contact with Jack, which was enough to tell Jack exactly how he was feeling about all of this. 

Something in his mind was making a connection. There were little things in this story that were too… personal. Not personal to Alex, no, but personal to  _ John.  _ Instead of letting himself get freaked out just yet he chose to ignore it. Playing it off in his mind as someone else. There was a chance it was someone else that Alex was talking about. “Tell me more about him?” Jack asked, leaning back on his free hand so he could try and see Alex’s expression. 

“I don’t think my description of him would do him any justice.” Alex chuckled, finally looking to Jack again for a moment. Letting the other boy see the old spark in his eyes as he recalled his old friend. “He was so quick witted. Only guy who would really compete with mein friendly debate. It’s what we’d do when we were in our tent together. Spoke decent French, too, so I didn’t have to translate for him when we worked with Lafayette.” 

That name was enough to make Jack wonder…. 

“He was so strong, and kept me level headed when I overworked myself. Was the only person other than Washington that could really get to me during those episodes. He had a way with words too. Loved when I got letters from him. But he always told me I was a little too… er- vulgar with my letters.” 

_ Cold in my professions, _

“God, what I’d give to see his eyes again. Or even hear his voice. Tell him I’m sorry for ever doubting him. Tell him goodbye even.” 

_ Warm in my friendships, I wish, my Dear Laurens, it might be in my power by action rather than words to convince you that…  _

“Did he know that you cared for him this much?” Jack asked with a light voice. 

Alex shook his head, “I’m not sure. He got married before even I did. Didn't even tell me that he had a wife or a kid. I was a little disappointed when I found out.” 

_ That I love you.  _

“I think he knew.” Jack spoke with guilt in his veins. “He didn’t tell you about all of that because he didn’t want to hurt you. Wanted to…” He could recall his own words 

_ Ternant will relate to you how many violent struggles I have had between my duty and inclination-- how much my heart was with you, while I appeared to be most actively employed here…  _

“He wanted to be able to feel the same way without it being unusual.” Jack mumbled the words John was screaming in his head. 

Alex looked confused, but it only mixed with his amusement and joy from discussing his friend. “You speak with such certainty.” He pointed out. 

“Hace experience.” Jack shrugged. “Think I better hit the hay, though. Tired and cold. Come in with me, want to make sure you actually get some sleep tonight.” 

Alex laughed, but didn’t object when Jack took his hand again and pulled him off of the ground. Again, it was quiet as they walked back into the building and snuck their way to the revolution hallway. 

Not too long ago Alex had practically argued with Jordan to move to the dorm across from Lewis and Jack’s since it had been empty the whole time he was here. So luckily Jack didn't have to worry about Alex getting caught. So he bid his friend adieu and went into the dorm just across the hall from his. Taking off his sweater and kicking off his pants before flopping into bed for a pleasant sleep. 

In his dream he saw a field, thought scattered with bodies and bloodied grass, there was a view that he held close to his heart without even realizing it. General Washington and Lafayette sitting under a tree after a long battle. 

Jack didn't know, but he smiled through his sleep

Like Alex said, he can’t fix it, but he can leave him off on a good note. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not me writing during school again... 
> 
> Good news! I've officially planned out the rest of the fanfic, so soon I will have a final number of how many chapters this fic will have!  
> Just a matter of getting it written. 
> 
> Like always, I hope you enjoyed. I'd love some comments on what you think of this pivotal moment. Got a lot to come. Can't wait to see how this story closes off. 
> 
> Get some water, take a break if you've been working a lot today. Make sure you rest. Have a beautiful day/night. 
> 
> Forever yours,  
> A. Rog
> 
> P.S. You look good today.


	16. Steal into my affections

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I first would like to apologize to any supernatural fans, like myself. 
> 
> If you’re still crying over the finale (whether it from disappointment or actually because you’re sad) I don’t recommended reading this chapter right now. 
> 
> For the normal people reading. I am sorry. But not as much. 
> 
> Enjoy :)

A day later Jack goes to see Ben again. He swore that these were the only times he didn’t feel nervous walking into the office of an adult. A professional, as he’d call it. Casually walking down the halls on his own gave him time to think. Today his mind was drawn on what had happened the day before. The joy yet guilt that Jack had felt during the time Alex talked about his friend. About him. He was starting to wonder if Alex knew who Jack was in the past, or if he had at least an idea, and that’s why he brought that up. Though there was still the small sliver of a chance that it was a total coincidence. Even if this all felt a little too perfect to just be something of chance. 

“Knock knock.” Jack smiled as he stood in the doorframe of the office. He had one or two more run-ins with Ben after he was first brought here. The man was wise beyond his time, and Jack had grown a liking to him. He helped the boy work through the endless pile of worries and through that piled up in his mess of a brain. 

Ben looked up from a paper he was jotting something down on with a smile, “Ah, Jack. Come. Sit.” He waved to one of the chairs that sat in front of his desk- those chairs had become familiar to Jack. He didn’t mind them as much as he had when he was first in this office. “I assume you’ve heard the news regarding your mother?” 

“About her calling?” Jack asked, getting a nod in return, “Yeah. Jordan told me. Did she really call that often?” 

“I’m afraid so. She rang us every single day without fail. Same time too. She has a schedule.” Ben chuckled. 

“Jesus.” Jack breathed, leaning back in his seat. “Did she threaten you guys or something? That woman can be scary sometimes, so I don’t blame you if she did and that’s why I’m being sent home.” 

Ben laughed, shaking his head, “No. She didn’t. Her persistence, however, scared us more than her words.” 

Jack hummed before a silence settled between them for a moment. Ben went back to vigorously writing things down, and Jack resorted to standing up and looking at the photos on the wall. He did this often now that he was comfortable in the room. He liked seeing how Ben aged in the photos, but how his eyes and smile stayed the same. The photos that were hung on the wall were pictures of kids who had lived here before and grew up and moved away, pictures of Ben’s children, and even some of Jordan when he was much younger than now. Throughout the whole series of framed photos Ben’s smile and eyes were exactly the same. Jack had learned that there were little things that stuck with someone from one life into another, and he had no doubt that with Ben it was his smile. 

“Hey Ben?” Jack finally mustered the guts to start the conversation about what he was really here for. 

“Mhm?” Ben hummed to show he was listening. Jack knew he always was- whether he responded or not. 

Jack sighed and shifted his weight on his feet. He didn’t look away from the pictures, eye contact was never his thing, and he was sure it never would be. “I figured out that I knew someone here. Very personally, but I don’t know how to break it to them…” 

**…**

The day Jack has to leave is the worst. It’s the beginning of Christmas week, and the smallest bit of snow has fallen. A usual South Carolina December day. Even with the joy of fresh snow, he feels gloomy- the sky feels gloomy. He has the dorm to himself as Lewis is off doing a project with Tyler, and Alex is cooped up in his dorm across the hall doing god knows what. To be honest… Jack sort of wished he had the others to be gushing about how much they’d miss him and how much they don’t want him to leave. But all he has is the echo of his nervousness that has shifted into just plain fear as he nears the time he has to walk out of this building and begin his way home. 

Jack was so engulfed in the shame and anxiousness that he was feeling all at once that he didn't notice the knock on the door. He had earbuds in anyways, so it wasn’t like that was the only reason he couldn't hear the person outside the dorm room. Drowning out his issues with the wonderful songs of Lord Huron. 

When a timid hand landed on his shoulder he nearly jumped out of his own skin. It scared him half to death. He pulled his earbuds out of his ear and turned around so quickly he could almost feel the whiplash of how fast the action was. 

“Alex?” 

“Hey.” Alex smiled, though it wasn’t the usual breathtaking one, It was a post crying one. His masterpiece eyes were red and watery, and his lips quivered with the threat of beginning to sob again. He wasn’t okay, and it made Jack’s stomach drop. “How’s packing going?”

Jack shrugged, turning back to look at the backpack on his bed. It hadn’t been like he had many valuables brought with him here when he had moved here so suddenly, so there wasn’t even much to _pack._ It was more like gathering the few things he had brought with. “Okay. It’s making me sad though.” 

Alex moved to sit on his bed, right at the foot of it. “Don’t want to leave?” 

“No.” Jack admitted, Laughing quietly at how pitiful he sounded, “This is like home now. I’ve got no doubt they’ll try to keep me back home when I go there.” 

“They can’t. We’ll get them in trouble.” Alex mumbled. He was unsure. It wasn’t very reassuring. 

“But if you can’t?” Jack asked as he stuffed a shirt into the bag. “I mean… what'll happen if we never see each other again? I can’t live through that again.” He was getting defensive, and he didn’t mean to. That fighting spirit was getting the best of him again. 

Alex’s expression darkened, “Again? What do you mean?” 

“What if it’s like last time? When I went off and died on you like the ridiculous rebel I was. Without a proper goodbye or even a consistent line of letters for you to hang onto when I departed.” He sighed, trying to gather thoughts. Allowing the line between Jack and John to blur and morph. “I… I am scared that it’s going to all end up the same. What if I leave this building and never have the chance to come back? I don’t want to leave you again. I was so worried that I wouldn’t be able to find you again in this life, and I’m hoping you felt the same. I don’t want to leave you off with the false hope that I’ll return... Alexander, my dear boy.” He breathed the last part, daring to put a tender hand on Alex’s cheek. “You’re expecting too much.” 

Alexander’s eyes were teary and confused. They searched in John’s green irises like he knew exactly what he was trying to find. He leaned into the hand on his cheek with a graceful awareness that John could only admire and envy. Something he could never be equal to. For a split moment he swore he saw the small redhead that he had known so long ago standing in front of him. “I don’t want you to leave.” Alexander whispered, intimate and genuine. 

“I know.” John nodded, running his thumb over the apple of his cheek. “I have to.” 

Alexander hummed, though at the moment it sounded more like a pathetic whimper. Worry eating away at his features to the point where his eyes soaked up all of that spare emotion and were almost overflowing with the beginning of tears. “I thought I’d never see you again, and when I finally find you once more I must let go again?” His voice cracks, “That’s not fair.” 

“Alexander,” John sighed, leaning ever so slightly closer to the other boy as he began to regret ever starting this conversation in the first place. This hadn’t been how he planned to break all of this to Alexander, but here they were. “Nothing is fair.” 

“I know.” Alexander mumbled, beginning to cry, “But it doesn’t have to go this way… we could… we could go out there and beg them to let you stay here with Lafayette and I over break. We could all go out on walks and enjoy hot cocoa and christmas music. John, _please._ ” 

John wiped one of the tears away as they stood there in tense silence. He was considering his options, one after another. Whether it was worth the problems that would arise just to spend time with Alexander, who he had been looking for. He began to wonder exactly what would happen if he decided to stay here, stay _home._ It wasn’t only the problems with his parents that would come up, it was what would happen with him and Alexander. Because they have to face the reality of being who they are and finally meeting again. The two would have to figure out what this all really meant and how they wanted to move on from here…

“I have to go, Alexander.” John mumbled, the hand on Alexander’s cheek moving to the back of his head to press his forehead to the other boy’s. “I’ll return. I promise you this time. There’s nothing keeping me from not. I can find a way. I always will.” 

“John, no.” Alex spoke pitifully, shaking his head. “Don’t do this.” 

But John didn’t hear. Because his backpack was slung over his shoulder, and his earbuds were back in his ears, forcing the teenage boy who owned this body to the front of the mind to ease the pain of walking away from his love. 

He couldn’t get this scene out of his mind the whole walk home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve cried over supernatural for an hour. 
> 
> Not gonna lie. I am posting this to avoid forgetting to do it tomorrow morning. 
> 
> If you wanna cry over spn with me message me.   
> Sleepynerd.cos 
> 
> Please. I need friends. 
> 
> Love,   
> An author who has EXTREMELY mixed feelings on the finale 
> 
> P.s. I am so sorry for those who are disappointed with this chapter XD I am so mean to you guys. I’ve got no clue why you’re still here.


	17. Yours, A. Hamilton

When Jack merely steps a foot into the Laurence household his heart rate picks up. The association of all things bad flows into his mind, only worsening the fresh feeling of nerves and regret he was trying to push down for the sake of his own sanity for the week. There was no warm welcome when he saw his mom in the kitchen, no ‘sorry for calling the workers there on a daily basis for a whole month straight’. It was just “There’s a letter for you from grandma in your room. You should set your bag in there too.” 

So Jack stumbled up the stairs and decided he had just enough time to wallow in self pity before dinner started. 

**…**

Alex didn’t really begin to feel the shock of all that had happened until a week after Jack left. When he was supposed to be coming back. 

The words that had been said to him seemed to echo in his ears on the daily, only making him feel more and more anxious about what might be happening. He was so sure that Jack would come back, but the words that he had told him about expecting too much resonated in his heart. It had become a fight of his logic and his emotion. A battle in which he wasn’t sure who would win, but it wasn’t like he really cared at the end of the day. 

The absence of his usual upbeat and snobby personality had been enough for Tyler and Lewis to notice. Even Jordan had taken time out of his day to come talk to Alex with such real concern it made Alex feel bad, as if he were making this all about himself. He could understand how the others must feel too. Tyler lost the only person who would defend him when he was wrong in conversations at the lunch table. Lewis having to sleep in an empty dorm, and sit through a few of his classes one friend short. But Alex… he lost his past and his present love. See, it had been final in his mind for months. Alex loved Jack. Until recently, though, he had to question whether that was platonic or not. Now he knew that he loved him in a different way. With the urge to be held by him and bask in the warmth of his body… to kiss him. It stung his heart to even think about the possibility of all of that happening. Because he assumed there wasn’t any now that Jack had been sent home. 

In the beginning Alex had hope that all that Jack had said was wrong. How could someone hate Jack? He was so perfect and beautiful. He was genuine and sweet. Alex couldn’t understand how someone, especially his _parents_ wouldn’t like him. 

Jack was perfect in Alex’s eyes. Right down to every hair that laid on his head, and every freckle that adorned his face. What he’d give to be able to lay there and mindlessly count them. Draw constellations on the boy’s face, and name them all. To run a hand through the messy curls that had grown just long enough to pull back into a ponytail. What he’d give to get his fingers tangled in the sandy brown locks. 

The boy hadn’t talked about these feelings until he found himself knocking on the door across the door after dinner one night. 

Immediately having an excited Lewis opening the door. It was almost like he was too excited to finally have company in the dorm room again. 

“Ah! Alex!” Lewis grinned, “What brings you here? Thought you had some things to prepare for debate.” 

Alex shook his head, “No. I got all that done.” It was fact. He had been rapidly working since Jack had left. A mirror of his past life, one that would also end in exhaustion and burning out if he didn’t do anything about it. A reminder that he hadn’t had time to cope with his friend leaving the first time. Grieving. Only this time there was still a chance he’d come back. “I want to talk about Jack.” He mumbled shyly. 

Lewis welcomed him right in. 

Within five minutes Alex felt at home, even without Jack there. Lewis was a friend, but him and Alex never spent much one on one time with each other, so this was new. Lewis sat at the desk in the room, papers spread out across the top of it. On the papers were doodles and illegible notes in which Alex had to assume was for math class… 

And Alex sat on the bed that he still wanted to call Jack’s, but maybe it _shouldn’t_ be called his. Because then again, deep in Alexa’s head, Alexander was trying to convince himself that he’d lost John once again. 

“So. What is it you want to talk about?” Lewis asked, shifting through a binder of notes. 

Alex shifted on the bed before he gathered his words. “I shouldn’t be the one telling you this, but someone needs to know. Jack is John Laurens. And- and we need to get him back or else I think I might go crazy.” 

“No way!” Lewis exclaimed, bouncing in his seat, “Vous l’avez trouvé?!”   
( _You found him?!_ ) 

“Oui!” Alex laughed. There was a relief that flowed through his limbs. Finally feeling the tension of holding in the secret. He can’t imagine how long poor Jack held that in for. He made a mental note to give the other boy some comfort when he saw him again. Maybe cuddle…. Or he’d settle for an uncomfortably long hug. “But… we have to get him back here.” 

Lewis nodded, “I agree. But a plan can wait. We don’t need to storm in at midnight. I want to know about how you feel about all of this.” 

**…**

“I mean… he just left me after that!” Alex whined, hanging upside down off the side of his bed. 

Tyler scoffed, “Can’t believe that boy. You need to smack him when we see him next. Then kiss him. Because from what I heard the sexual tension between you two was like-” 

“Hey! You can’t talk mister ‘I wasn’t actually in the war’!” Alex objected. “You only met me personally. So you can leave John out of this!” 

“Awwwww” Tyler cooed, “Look at the little lion defending his boyfriend.” 

Alex broke into a bright red blush, his hands going up in a failed attempt to hide it. He groaned, “Not my boyfriend.” 

“Yet!” Tyler practically sang. “You better get a ring on that, real or fake, before some lovely person comes along and takes it before you do.” He cackled, shaking his head as he scrolled on his phone. “You know. This reminds me a lot of my boyfriend and I.” 

“Ah. So I finally got the news that you're into dudes.” Alex was back with his snobby attitude towards Tyler. 

Tyler glared at him, but his lips held a smirk, “If you’re trying to see if you’ve got a chance no one can beat my boy, so back off.” 

Alex moved to sit upright on the bed, putting his hands up in front of him, “Woah there. Protective much? Calm down, alpha male, I’m not coming for your husband.” 

Tyler laughed, “Well. What are we gonna do to get your man back?” 

**…**

The plan that the three boys made didn’t work. It didn’t even get into motion. There was plan after plan, but everytime they even began to get it to work Jordan would shoot it down. It frustrated Alex to no end. This cycle lasted until late February. A full two months of Alex itching to snap at Jordan so he could run off on his own to get Jack back. 

By the beginning of the month Alex had almost given up. The consistent voice of Alexander almost winning over as he whispered over and over again that they lost John once more, and it was a lost cause. He fell into the flow of how he was hundreds of years ago. Working nonstop. There was almost no hour of the day where he wasn’t pushing himself overboard. A pile of papers and packers sat in his backpack, and he only seeked more and more work on top of it. The only coping mechanism he had was ignoring it, and the only way to ignore it was finding mindless things to do to take up any of the spare time he had to use to think about Jack. 

Even thinking about the boy returning was such a foreign idea that when it happened he didn’t believe it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, this is a filler. So there’s another chapter next! Then we’ve only got two left :( 
> 
> Make sure you drink some water!


	18. Picking your own fights

The others had been in school when Jack got back. Ace was the one to get him back here. They walked in and argued on end with his parents, and next thing Jack knew, he was sitting in the back of an old Impala, scared for his life as they brought him back to the dorm room building by the school. Apparently his friends weren’t told he was back because Lewis almost screamed when he opened the door and saw Jack was settled on his bed. 

“Mon amie!” He screeched with glee, “You’re home!” When he went over to give Jack a hug the boy flinched. And suddenly it all came clear to Lewis. His eyes moved back to the door that astill hung ajar, making eye contact with Alex and Tyler. Within that single moment where their eyes met the group all had a million words to say without actually speaking. 

Jack just watched with tired green eyes. His muscles ached in a hollow pain that was really just a ghost of what he had been feeling days ago. Jack wasn’t stupid, he knew that the others were probably going to talk about him behind his back, or try and mooch some information of what is wrong with him when he really doesn’t want to talk about it. 

But they don’t.

At least, it doesn’t happen until Alex finally gets Jack alone on a walk. It’s two days after he got home, and Jack had still been uneasy about agreeing to go out and trying to enjoy life itself. Since he’d gotten home it had been _‘worry about your social status’_ and _‘only your school work is important'._ Since he had gotten home he’d been silent and closed in again. He’d still sit with the other boys during lunch and breakfast and all that. He’d still go to the group discussion times and sit there, staring at the floor with empty eyes. So getting him outside, and seeing him act like a human for the first time in two days was a feat. 

Jack could tell Alex thought of it as such with the glow in his eyes and the smile on his face. There was even a pep in his step that made Jack smile ever so slightly, though he tried his best to hide it. Another thing that had been drilled into his head as he was home. 

“What kind of drink do you plan on getting?” Alex asked, focusing on the side of Jack’s face. They had planned on walking to the cafè to get something to drink. They technically weren’t supposed to leave campus today, but Alex knew Jordan would let it slide, so he got his way anyways. 

“Chai tea.” Jack answered quietly.

“Oh? Didn’t take you as a tea type of person.” Alex commented, leaning his head to see a bit more of Jack’s face. It was starting to feel like he didn’t want to let Jack out of his view. It wasn’t like Jack minded anyways. 

For the first time since he got back Jack laughed. It was small, but it was a step in the right direction. “What’s that supposed to mean?” 

The rest of the walk there (and standing in line) was occupied with small banter like that. It was relieving to both of the boys. Finally getting past the wall that had built itself up again.Though not all of it was down by the time they got back to school grounds. So Alex suggested to sit down in the library and talk. Since it was the morning of a Saturday, practically no one would be awake at the ‘ungodly’ hour of seven in the morning. The two walked into the library and found a spot that was hidden away so they could have a relatively personal conversation. Since around here there was always a chance that someone would go and try and stick their nose in your business. 

Alex leaned back in his chair, almost falling backwards onto the ground, “What’s going on with you, Jack?” 

“What do you mean?” Jack mumbled. He knew exactly what Alex was asking about, there was no hiding it, but there was the chance to delay the inevitable. So here they were. 

“I mean at home. What happened while you were gone? You’re not the same.” Alex frowned, sitting normally in his chair again so he could lean onto the table to try and get a clear view of how Jack was reacting to all of this. 

For once Jack doesn’t feel hesitant. There isn’t that feeling of wanting to draw away from the conversation, even all of his logic was screaming with anxiousness. This was Alex. It also was _Alexander._ There wasn’t a single part of his mind that didn’t trust this boy in front of him. Even if Jack can’t recall all of it, he knew that in his past he had trusted in Alexander and even took chances to risk his life for him. There was no point in Jack feigning any sort of discomfort because in any situation that presented itself Jack felt comfortable as long as it was Alex by his side. “Well…

**…**

Jack had only been at the house for three days before it all went downhill again. During the day he had been hiding off in his room, avoiding any sort of interaction with his parents that he didn’t need. Especially with the christmas party coming up. He engulfed himself in work from school in hope of at least having an excuse for staying in his room all day… and the day before that...

So this day had been like any other. Jack dragged himself out of bed and forced himself to sit through breakfast, and then ran up into his room again before any issues could make themselves clear. But today just had to be different from usual. 

Normally he’d be able to hide away until dinner. Today his father caught him with a firm word right before he left the table. “Jack.” 

“Yes, sir?” Jack hissed as he turned from the stairs to see his father sat at the table with crossed legs and a firm grip on a newspaper. 

“What have you been doing in your room all day?” 

Jack froze. There was no way this would end well, with the vivid feeling of bad coming on. It made him tense and tremble in his place. There were millions of excuses that lined his tongue, begging to be said, but the only thing he managed was “Calling my friends. Since I’m not allowed to see them.” which was an immediate mistake. The quirk of his father’s brow said it all. He’d begun to dig the hole that he was bound to dig himself deeper in until he was able to escape this wretched household. 

“The ones who’ve been drilling it in your head that you’re one of what they think they are?” Harry asked. “The people who tell you that you’re different just so we can’t have the company of our own son?” 

“It’s not all fake!” Jack angrily mumbled, eyes cast to the ground. Again, it was the fighting spirit of John urging him on in his head. 

“It is, Jack. And you’re going to learn that when we get out of here and you start new again!” His father’s voice rose, and he set down the newspaper. Enough movement for Jack to know that he was already in deep trouble. “Your mind has been set astray before. We can fix it again.” He sounded as if he were someone preaching for some cult or something. “All you need is a change of scenery and a push in the right direction.” Harry began to get up. Jack tensed even more. “Your mother and I have been talking. We thought maybe a day trip to the beach might do you a little good.” 

And then they went. 

But a day trip ended up being renting a little place by the shore, and not even speaking of home. It led to Jack being left in the small building as his parents did god knows what during the day, leaving Jack on his own. Being locked in small quarters all day got suffocating. He was left there for days. Marinating in his own self pity and being forced into a state of numbness as he avoided going insane through the memories that were forcing themselves into his mind. 

He cried, and cried, but nothing seemed to help.

Until he saw violet eyes and a soft smile. Until he could hear the rough cries of men slowly meeting their demise. The sound of war. He suddenly felt sick. Thinking about that past of his, all of the death he had seen, and all of the people he had lost. The mistakes he made. Leaving Alexander. 

What he had done again this time around. 

Oh, how he already missed his boy. Jack’s heart ached with longing. He wished he could have broken the lock on the door and ran back to his real home. He wanted to see his friends again, talk with them, tell them how much he regretted not following their instructions and fighting against the idea of going home. There was no way to hide how much he longed to go back. The way he pulled his knees to his chest and stared at the door said it all even if there was no one there to witness it.

He had been relatively okay memory-wise until the scenes of battlefield in his head morphed into something different. _A wedding._ Alexander’s wedding. 

John didn’t remember much from it, but enough to make him resent himself for ever showing up to the event. Even if it had bene to support his friend. He could feel the disappointment and the

envy he had felt standing in that room, watching his love fall for someone else all over again. Long story short, John had drank that night. Sadly, Jack was too young to do that, and didn’t have any access to alcohol. So what he did was sit through those wretched memories, feeling sick and overwhelmed. The urge to punch something had gotten so strong that he had. The boy had gotten up from the floor and without thought swung at the wall. 

**…**

When Alex heard that his hands went to find Jack’s. Carefully he ran his fingers over the scabbed over knuckles. Worry in his eyes. His fingers ran light over the injury. Jack had to bask in the physical contact that he hadn’t been getting for what felt like years. It took a moment before he looked to Jack, “I’m sorry, I was so stupid last time I-” 

“Don’t blame yourself.” Jack mumbled before going back to telling him what he wanted to know. 

**…**

The day after Jack had punched the wall was when his parents finally decided to bring him home. As it turned out, the trip back home wasn’t even christmas related, because Jack knew he’d missed it. Though, the days were starting to morph together. Jack couldn’t remember much from then. January had been a blur. 

What did come to mind was a certain conversation with his father:

The knock on the door was the first indication to Jack that something wasn’t okay. His family wasn’t the type to knock. Jack’s parents gave their son little to no privacy, and that was just one of the many aspects to it. So it was a first to hear the fist of someone else knocking on the other side of the door. The only place that ever happened was the front door on the main floor of the house. He was sure that the weirdest part of it all was responding with the “come in” to let whoever was actually knocking into the room. 

What he hadn’t been expecting was his father to be on the other side. What threw Jack off the most was how his father didn’t look stern and angry for once. Lulling him into a false sense of security. 

Jack had been drawing. In his lap sat a sketchbook that held clear sketches of faces and animals. He was especially good at the animals. Jack was sure it had to have been something that had been passed from his past life to now. He had been trying to draw Alex; on the page there were almost ten sketches that were all different in one way or another. The eyes were something Jack found he couldn't seem to capture on paper. There was a gleam in them that couldn’t be laid out by a pencil. It was what made those eyes so warm and inviting, what made them look a thousand years older than Alex himself. They were the windows to Alexander. Jack loved them, and that’s why he had to get them _right._ It was a struggle that he never thought he’d have. Which is probably why he didn’t even consider the fact his father just walked in on him drawing a boy practically a billion times on one page… and it was all on display… 

**…**

“You were drawing me?” Alex asked fondly, catching Jack’s gaze.

He nodded with a shy smile. There were butterflies in his stomach that were so bad he almost couldn’t form any words. “Mhm. Wanted to give you one when I got back here, but I couldn’t get it right.” 

Alex smiled, his finger still lightly rubbing Jack’s busted knuckles, “I bet they were all perfect.” 

**…**

“What is that?” Harry asked with squinting eyes. As he stepped over to Jack’s bed the boy tried to flip to the next page. Though Harry’s hand stopped the page from flipping, and when Jack looked at his expression this time he felt dread. His father’s eyes were dark and angry. When Jack was little he would always run off to hide when they looked like that. He couldn’t hide now. “What. Is. It?” He asked sternly. 

Jack shifted in his spot, trying to think of any explanation for this that sounded even mildly straight. “Was just drawing.” 

“ _Who_ is it?” Harry snatched the sketchbook from Jack’s hands to stare at the page that had Alex’s face strewn across it. 

“Someone I met at school.” Jack assumed his father wouldn’t be happy with him mentioning the second timer building so he had to lie about it. Though he guessed it was half true. “Wanted to make a birthday present for him.” He couldn’t make eye contact with Harry. 

The man’s brows furrowed, and his fingers settled at the top of the page. He snickered, “Oh Jack. You’ve never been good at lying, even as a child. Now tell me. Who is this boy to you?” His father’s eyes met his for the first time since he entered the room, and Jack wanted to cower in a corner. They were nothing like his eyes, or his mothers. Theirs were bright green, with little flakes of brown. They were warm and pretty. His father’s eyes were dark. Not in the physical way like Alex’s were, but the metaphorical. Behind those green eyes of his father’s Jack could _see_ every single horrid idea waving behind the irises as they slowly began to weave themselves out. They were scary. 

Jack was scared. Like a child. 

“He’s a friend of mine.” Jack muttered, his heart racing so loud in his ears that he couldn’t even hear his own words. 

“Is he? Or is he just another one of those boys you go around kissing? Is this boy like the other, Jack? Will he be a problem?” Harry asked sharply, fingers gripping the top of the paper. 

Jack? Will he be a problem?” Harry asked sharply, fingers gripping the top of the paper. 

Jack couldn't help the tears that began to bud in his eyes as he shook his head, begging just over a whisper, “Don’t do this.” 

“ _Answer my question_!” Harry hissed. 

“He won’t be a problem! I promise he won’t! Please, dad, don’t ruin my drawing!” Jack felt more pain in watching Harry tear the page out and crumple it than he had in awhile. What was worse was when Harry put the crumpled wad of paper into his pocket because Jack knew there was no way to get it back now. The drawing would probably be torn up and burned. Jack knew how brutal his father could get, but this was worse than the hitting. This was worse than the screaming. Because this included Alex, and Jack didn’t want _anything_ to taint his image of Alex. 

Harry shook his head as he stuffed drawing into his pocket, “This boy is already a problem, Jack. We’re going to fix this, fix you. No more drawing this boy or talking about him. There’ll be consequences if you disobey.” Then he left. And Jack was left with the overwhelming feeling of… nothing. 

That had been when Jack went back into the shell- the one that Alex was working away at again. That’s when he became a shell that took the hits his father served, and didn’t even try and be on Ace’s side when they came to his rescue. 

“I’m so sorry.” Alex whispered, frowning as he looked at Jack’s hand to avoid making eye contact. 

Jack looked at the top of his head. He didn’t care that he couldn’t see his face. Being with him again was enough. Getting all of this off of his chest was enough. 

_Alex_ was enough. 

“Can you read to me?” Jack asked quietly, timidly even. 

Alex looked up with a sweet smile. “Of course I can.” 

They spent the rest of the evening in the back of the library. Their drinks forgotten on the table as Alex read aloud to Jack. 

The entire time Jack basked in it all. Because he was finally okay. And it was so nice. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!  
> I just had to post this one along with the filler because it went too well with it. 
> 
> As you can see, this is 18/20 chapters. I fever wrote last night and finished it all. I still can’t believe it. There’ll be the lasts two chapters tomorrow! 
> 
> And I’ve got a special surprise in the next one :) 
> 
> I love you all, make sure you stay hydrated and eat something today. 
> 
> Love,  
> An author who is sad the story is coming to a close


	19. My Dearest,

“Jack!” Alex hissed, looking over to the boy who was stuffing things in his backpack. He didn’t look up. “ _Jack!_ ” He said just a little louder. When he finally got the other boy’s attention he smiled from the doorway, “Do you have your bag packed?” 

Jack nodded, looking to Lewis, who was asleep on his bed, “Yeah, but don’t you think we should wake him up?” 

“Nah, he’s got plenty of time to pack. Let’s claim the back seats of the bus with our stuff, then we can wake him up. How ‘bout that?” Alex offered with a smug grin. 

Of course Jack agreed. 

The group of second timers who weren’t going home for the summer were going on a camping trip- in some senses. It was really a way to finally get the one-on-one healing they needed. And the Revolution time group was going up to this cabin sort of home that Jordan owned for a week or two. There wasn’t a single person who wasn’t overly excited about the trip. The entire hall was bustling with people who were getting up early to make sure they were ready to leave. Alex and Jack were one of them. With eleventh grade over, summer just beginning, they were both experiencing the bittersweet idea of this being one of two summer trips they’d get. 

The school year had finished in June. Within the time between Jack coming home and the year ending… well, almost nothing happened. There was the horrid mutual pining that Tyler and Lewis would yell about every day, adn Alex and Jack laughed and ignored them. There was no conversation about how they’d work about their pasts, and there definitely had been no discussion about what happened with Jack at home. Alex knew there had been things that he wasn’t being told, but he didn’t want to push. So they had fallen into their routine that had before. They’d sneak out late at night and being dumb until they were either caught by Jordan, or just felt too tired to stay out any longer. And they fully intended on doing the same when they were out on this trip. 

“Why couldn’t you wake me earlier?” Lewis groaned as the four were walking to the bus. 

“Because we already claimed the seats in the back for us, and you looked too peaceful to wake up!” Alex laughed, slinging an arm over Lewis’ shoulders, “You can get more sleep on the bus, sleeping beauty.” 

Lewis sighed, a smile on his lips, “You are a major jerk. You know that, right?” 

“But you love me.” 

“Yeah, Jack. You love him even though he’s a jerk too, right?” Tyler muttered to the boy. Only moments later getting an elbow to the ribcage. 

“ _Shut up-”_ Jack whispered between clenched teeth. 

This was going to be a long ride. 

And it was. A full day of driving (god bless the bus driver) with the group of four in the back, causing chaos. It was probably the only time Jack had been happy on a bus, though, so he couldn’t complain. Alex and Jack were in a seat together- Alex had practically fought Jack for the window seat -while Tyler and Lewis peacefully shared the seat across the aisle. There were times where the boys, more specifically Tyler and Alex, would bicker with one another all the way across the bus. And times where Jack would catch Tyler giving him a raised brow with a smug smile, so he flipped him off. It was a time for them to be kids. For them to heal. Something they deserved. And even if Jordan was exhausted already by all of the goofing around, he could admit it was a joyous sight. He was just excited to see… 

“This is Marissa.” He smiled to the small group of teens, a hand holding his wife’s. 

The woman looked sweet. Her smile was soft and genuine, like Jordan’s. She stood tall and powerful, and her brown hair had the beginning of grays, but she still looked so young. “You all look so sweet.” She cooed, looking over the mini crowd. 

“Wouldn’t call Alex very sweet.” Tyler commented just loud enough for everyone else to hear. 

Alex smacked the back of his head, “WHy do you have to ruin every first impression I ever get?” He whined. 

It turns out Marissa is the sweetest woman you could ever know. All four of the boys had their suspicions of who she was. It became the topic of all their dinners, sat at an outdoor bench and table. Marissa became as much of a mother figure as Jordan had become father. Every time they checked in with the boys there was a maternal gleam in their eyes as they laughed with the stupid jokes and fawned over the little things the teens would do. 

One of the few times they got alone was when they were given free time. There were rules, sure, and Alex existed to break every single one of them. 

“ _Come on_.” He whined, his hand dragging Jack’s as they weaved between trees to get to a spot of the lake where neither Jordan or Marissa would spot them. It had been a strict rule since the beginning, and Alex had been itching to check out why. 

Jack laughed, shaking his head, “We’re going to miss dinner if we go out this far.” 

“Who cares. I wanna see what this is all about, and you have to come with me just in case I get into trouble.” Alex explained as he finally caught eye of an opening in the trees to the lake. 

It was a beautiful sight. The sun- which was just on the brink of setting -reflected on the water. The pine trees surrounded the water, adding to the ambience. The scent of pine needles fresh in the air. It was a sight to see, but Alex was more focused on the way the light illuminated Jack’s freckles, and how his green eyes gleamed. How his curly dirty blonde hair glowed under the golden light of the sun. He looked like an angel. 

“There’s a turtle!” Jack exclaimed, letting go of Alex’s hand to throw off his shoes and roll up his pants with a determination and franticness Alex had never seen him display before. “Oh my god, there’s another!” He pointed to the shallow water where, sure enough, there were baby turtles swimming. 

Alex stood there and watched as Jack stumbled his way into the water, a broad smile on his face. This was definitely the love of his life. The childish glow that Jack had as he walked into the water and scooped a turtle up was mesmerizing. So much that Alex didn’t even realize that he was following suit. The water was cold in the early summer, but he didn’t care as he watched Jack begin to tear up as he held the turtle. “What’cha you got there?” 

“Frances.” Jack mumbled, “Frances the turtle.” 

“You named it?” Alex asked, grinning as he looked from the small turtles in Jack’s hand to Jack’s face. 

“Do you think that’s weird?” Jack asked, clearly worried as he looked to Alex. 

Alex shook his head, “not at all. Can you tell me about turtles?” 

The way Jack lit up again was priceless. His eyes widened like he’d been waiting to hear that question for his entire life. “Turtles have been here for like… a hundred million years! Sea turtles can lay up to a hundred and eighty eggs in one clutch.” Jack began, his finger rubbing over the shell of the baby snapping turtle he had in his hand. “Snapping turtles like these, they’re called Chelydra serpentina which means tortoise snake in greek. The babies are practically harmless, but an adult could rip an arm off. They’ve got a force of two hundred newtons.” 

“Wow.” Alex breathed, a hand cupping the back of Jack’s as he (hesitantly) went to touch the shell of the turtle. The moment he looked up and saw Jack staring at him, Alex knew what he was going to do. “You’re so cute.” He mumbled shyly, smiling as his hand moved from Jack's to cup his cheek as he leaned in. 

And then it happened. They kissed. 

Jack took in a deep breath through his nose when he finally registered what had happened. His hands were busy with the turtle still, but his mind was in outer space at this point. He felt lightheaded as his heart raced and his cheeks heated up. Even if it was a short, first kiss, it felt like it lasted forever. Jack _wanted_ it to last forever. 

There was barely any space between them when Alex pulled back, his hand still caressing Jack’s face. “You have no idea how long Tyler has yelled at me to do that.” Alex mumbled. Both of them laughed. 

“Can we show our daughter to Jordan?” Jack asked, cheeks red as a giant grin pulled at his lips. 

“Of course we can.” 

**…**

That night Alex and Jack skipped the little talk around the fire to hide away in the room they shared with Tyler and Lewis. It was dim lit by a lantern that Alex had _begged_ Jordan to let him bring into the room. It gave it an old vibe, one that was familiar to both of them from their past. Something they were glad to bring into their present. 

“Come here?” Alex asked, open armed as he turned to Jack. He had been taking a moment to change into his pajamas as Jack laid on his bed. 

Jack got up, his head tilted and brow quirked with confusion. “What is it?” 

“I wanna dance.” Alex smiled. 

Jack chuckled, “We don’t have any music.” 

“Yeah we do.” Alex pulled his phone out of his pocket, which he wasn’t supposed to have. “What do you want to listen to?” 

Jack scoffed, “ _Alexander!”_

“That’s not a song I know of.” Alex smugly responded, biting his tongue in a silly grin. 

He ended up turning on _Teenager In Love_ and starting to stupidly dance as he tried to get Jack to join him. It didn’t take long before both of them were tripping over their own feet as they attempted to dance in a more modern way. The air in the room was filled with laughter through the whole song as they kept their focus on not tumbling over. When the song ended Alex hid away his phone again and flopped back onto the bed. He sighed, smiling at the ceiling as Jack settled next to him, out of breath. 

“I don’t understand how we ever danced way back when.” Jack groaned through a laugh, “I think I pulled something.” Alex laughed. And then the air went silent for a bit. They laid next to one another on the bed, basking in the other’s presence until Jack just couldn’t hold it back anymore. “I never stood a chance, did I? I mean… meeting you. It was going to come to this anyways, wasn’t it?” 

“The thing is, you did at one point. But I think deep down this is what we’ve wanted since the beginning.” Alex responded lightly, his hand finding Jack’s between them. “You’re happy with it. Right?” 

“Alexander, I couldn't be any happier.” Jack smiled, bringing their joined hands up to his lips to press a chaste kiss to Alex’s hand. 

Suddenly those clouds that had been looming in Jack’s head since the very beginning, rolling in as he struggled to assign himself as gay and a second timer… were gone. Alex was the sun in his head, and now it shone through with nothing in the way. He felt light, happy. His biological family didn’t matter because he found a whole new family of his own. And there was so much more coming for them. 

He had never felt happier in his life.   
  


——————

Greatly inspired by this baby:   
  
The turtle I held while he hatched and named John Laurens 

and his siblings: 

  
  
I hope they’re living their best lives out in the creek. Jack would be 100% in love with being able to see turtles hatch like I did this past summer. I miss them already. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!  
> Yes, this was the end. But the epilogue is coming tomorrow. And maybe a sequel! 
> 
> I’ve got stuff planned, but we’ll see how it goes. 
> 
> I’m saving my sappy, real goodbye for tomorrow. Have a great day you guys, I love you. 
> 
> Signed,  
> An author who is also in love with turtles


	20. Epilogue: Yours Forever

The rest of summer flew by, along with the boys’ last year at school. Seeing friends grow up and find exactly where they were meant to be in the world was enough to settle in the reality that this chapter of their life was coming to an end. What settled it more was hearing Tyler’s plans right before graduation, sure enough following through as soon as he could and moving to god knows where to live with his boyfriend. Lewis went off to help Marissa with second timers only a month after they finally graduated. 

As for Jack and Alex? Well, they took their time figuring things out. The couple stayed in the dorm building and worked with Jordan. They met newer second timers, helping children with situations that they had once had to endure. They bonded with children over memories that they shared, finding that even some of the younger kids who came in were people they had once met in their past. It took a bit, but soon they got the funds they needed to fulfill their dreams: move to New York.

**…**

When it was time to leave the place that had become such a nice home to them it was raining. Alex had laughed and said that it fit the mood, he had been comforting Jack the whole morning as they gathered their things from their shared room. The sky was foggy when they stepped outside, and the smell of wet pavement filled their noses as they packed their stuff in the back of Jordan’s car. 

The couple sat in the back of the car as they drove down a familiar road to Jack. Something he hadn’t been expecting. Something that brought tears to his eyes as he stared at the house his family lived in, the house he hadn’t stepped foot in since March of the past year. 

As his green eyes gazed at the front door, spambot expecting his mother or father to walk through, he found Alex’s hand. 

“You don’t have to tell them goodbye.” Alex mumbled, his thumb rubbing over the faint scars on Jack’s knuckles. “They put you through so much. Don’t deserve to know you’re gone.” 

“Do you think they’ll even notice I left?” Jack asked, quiet and teary- uneasy, even. 

Alex put his other hand on Jack’s cheek, softly making his boyfriend turn his head to meet eyes. “They will. And when they do, they’ll finally realize how big of a mistake it was to forget about you in the first place.” 

Jack began to cry. Alex rubbed the tears away with a thumb as he fondly watched Jack work through the buildup of emotions that had been piling up over the past year. “I always wanted to show you around the house.” Jack mumbled bene he finally was able to stop crying. “It’s a beautiful house.” 

Alex chuckled, shaking his head, “I’m sure I’d get lost in there.” He felt a little accomplished when Jack laughed with him. “When we can we’ll get a big house like that someday. Fill it with cool plants and get a turtle. Anything you want.” Alex cooed, his finger still rubbing over the scarred hand of Jack. 

“I love you, Alexander.” Jack breathed a relieved breath, his eyes still teary. 

“I love you too, _John Laurens._ ” Alex teased, leaning in and pecking his boyfriend’s lips. “Now let’s get out of here.”

**…**

As they waited at the gate in the airport, waiting for their plane to finally board. Through the window the sun was just setting, and as Jack stared out at the hues of blue and orange on the horizon he wondered what laid ahead for him and Alex. There was an anxiousness in his stomach that made his hands tremble and made him mindlessly nip at the inside of his cheek. He buzzed with excitement, too. Unable to stand still as he stood there next to Alex. 

“You okay?” Alex asked lightly. His brown eyes were soft as he looked at Jack. 

Jack nodded, “Just a little scared.” 

They joined hands as Alex dug his earbuds out of his pocket, putting one side in his ear and the other in Jack’s. And then the soft music began to play... 

_I am not the only traveler_   
_Who has not repaid his debt_

Jack smiled as his favorite song played through the earbuds. He looked to Alex, who definitely knew what he was doing. “Take me back to the night we met.” Jack sang along quietly, nervousness slipping away as he leaned his head on Alex’s shoulder. He was still scared, but oh so happy that out of anyone in the world it was his boyfriend by his side. He wouldn’t have it any other way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I won’t lie. I cried while writing this. Even if I have another story in mind, I feel like my babies have grown so much and I will miss naïve, teenage them. 
> 
> As for you, the reader. You’ve made my day through some rough spots, and I love every single one of you. I am so glad you guys get to see me finish my first full fanfic. It’s so satisfying to know someone was with me on this trip. I can’t wait to see you in the next story of John and Alexander’s adventure, and in the other stories to come. 
> 
> Yours forever,  
> Alexander Rogers


End file.
